Shocking! 324!

Yes, folks. You read that right. I weighed in at an astounding 324 this morning. My last 12:

324, 325, 323, 325.5, 325, 324, 325, 325, 323, 325, 324, and 324.

Now, if I were trying to maintain my weight, this would be GREAT. Unfortunately, I am not. Still my 5-day dropped .2, so there's that.

Now, I have a confession to make here. I've been slacking in almost all areas of life over this time frame. I know it's an excuse, and we don't use that word here, but I've been stressed out and shaken by recent family events. It's the old trick I used to pull back when I started plumping up - get stressed, stop caring.

I've only worked out once in the last week (not including the moving this past weekend), and my diet, while not a total failure, as suffered as well. I'm still eating well 90% of the time, but there's probably 3-4 meals each week that are just plain bad.

I need to go back to square one mentally. Count every calorie. Make sure I'm staying active. I've come to the decision that working out in my kitchen while working a job and caring for two kids under three isn't working. To be able to workout uninterrupted, I'd have to wait until both kids are sleeping. There is no such time. They don't take same-time naps anymore. Every time I start while they're up, it's bottle time, or diaper time, or "I'm stuck in the bath-tub" time (long, but funny story). As I was curling last week, my oldest ran under my arms, and I nearly cracked her in the head with 38# of weights.

I've got to get out of the house.

The biggest problems with the apartment's weight room are A. They are not open all hours, and B. They only have two machines and some dumbbells. Even so, I think I'm going to have to go and do SOMETHING when Beck gets home at night. Maybe I can't do all the exercises I want to do, but I'll do more than I would sitting here watching '24' or 'Smallville'.

Though both shows are great.

Thoughts for the day...

Most of the important things in the world have been accomplished by people who have kept on trying when there seemed to be no hope at all.
Dale Carnegie

The reward of a thing well done is to have done it.
RALPH WALDO EMERSON

Great things are not done by impulse, but by a series of small things brought together.
Vincent Van Gogh

People become really quite remarkable when they start thinking that they can do things. When they believe in themselves they have the first secret of success.
Norman Vincent Peale

The will to persevere is often the difference between failure and success.
David Sarnoff

Perseverance is not a long race; it is many short races one after another.
Walter Elliott

You may have to fight a battle more than once to win it.
Margaret Thatcher

Patience and perseverance have a magical effect before which difficulties disappear and obstacles vanish.
John Quincy Adams

324.4

It seems as though my body likes it here.

Today, I'm 324.4. Seven days ago, I was 324.5. Ten days ago, I was 324. Thirteen days ago, I was 323.9.

It could be worse, I could be going up the chart, not holding steady. I understand that, but it doesn't make this any more annoying. My goal was to hit 320 at least once by this morning, but my lowest weigh-in over the last week was 323. And let's not even talk about hitting 315 by Thursday.

I worked out HARD while moving massive toolboxes and workbenches on Saturday. So much so, that by the time I got home that afternoon, I was done with life for the day. I hopped on the couch, and it was over. The next time I moved, I was moving into the bedroom. Several times while working out, I was referred to as one of the "strong ones", where I used to just be called the "big one". At one point, I and another guy were carrying a ginormous toolbox. He had his end with two hands, grunting and huffing. I had my end with one hand, and I was doing modified rows with it as we walked to the truck. I don't know who it was, but I heard somebody say "Geez, Kevin's got his end with one hand!"

Small victories wherever you can find them, I guess.

On a down note, I'm headed back to Michigan - the site of my last self-destructive period - and I'm nervous about food and exercise. My dad has no weights, or any access to weights, and he told us yesterday that it's going to be below zero windchills all week - so outdoor activity will be a no go. Beck will be with me this time - to keep me on track - but I know that good foods will be at an absolute minimum this weekend. It's going to be a challenge.

So, the name of the blog doesn't change - which is bad.
But it's not up at all - which is good.

I'm wary about setting any goals for myself this week, as I have yet to hit any of them on time. Still, if you don't have a destination, you're just roaming. This isn't a good week to roam.

My Goal for The Week:

Weigh in at 319.5 or less at least once by 2-19

In the Right Direction

Short blog today, but just wanted to mention that my weigh-in was back in the right direction - 323. It brought my 5-day down 1/2 a pound, which is always nice.

I'll be helping some people move from 8 this morning until about 1, so I should get a pretty decent "workout" in today. Lot's of stuff, and lots of stairs. I'm considering taking a second to lift whatever I'm carrying up over my head, or curling it on the way to the truck, etc. We'll see how that works, I guess.

More later if I can find some time.

Time to Man (or woman) Up, F.A.T.

First, it was Billy. Slowly adding a few tenths to his weight each day for a week-ish. Next thing you know, he's back up almost a pound.

Then Rob. Poor guy's been stuck on 332 for what seems like a month, now. Seriously! Let the dude hit 329! Is it too much to ask??

How about Beck? Her last six weigh-ins have been 197, 197, 197, 195, 197 and 198.

And then there's me. Before I left for Michigan, I was at my lowest weight (322), and my lowest 5-day (323.5). Then I made some bad decisions, and my last 5 weights were 325.5, 325, 324, 325 and 325.

Rob's been talking about that wall for a few days now. It seems like we're all standing in front of one. I know we're all trying to break through it. But if you can't quite break through, find another way around. Climb it. Walk until you find where it ends. Rent a chopper and fly over. Bring in some C-4 and blow the bitch up.

I don't know about you guys, but I've come too far to start getting pissed or annoyed that I've hit a plateau. Is it frustrating? Hell, yes. But frustration never got me to drop to a knee.

I've been thinking about boxing a lot lately (anybody near Denver want to give me lessons?), and it reminds me that this weight loss is a 12-round Rocky vs. Apollo type of fight. It's going to go the distance, and we're going to get our faces pounded now and then. Yes, we'll get knocked down.

And, yes, we'll keep getting back up.

Guys, we're only in the third round here. We have a long way to go. This fight is just beginning. It's up to each one of us to take it one round - one punch - at a time.

So, "Apollo" (that's what I'm calling my fat today), hang around if you'd like. But know this: Your days are numbered.

More Proof

If you're still needing to see some proof that the scale is not the only way to track your progress, allow me to help.

My Measurements



So, even though I only lost 5 pounds from 1-6 to 2-7, I still added almost .5" to my bicep, I took a full inch off of my waist, and .75" off of my hips.

And, if I behave, I can still pull out a 10-pound-per-month average by 2-23. I'll need to lose eight pounds in the next 15 days, which I see has a very attainable goal.

It's all adding up.

I <3 Lipo

I just got back from the Dr.
I love lipo. I think I look great.

This is a roughly half-done rendering of what I might look like at my goal weight. Beck is working on it for me, and I thought I'd post a teaser. She has also offered to render any of the FAT Coalition members, as well.

Will it serve as motivation? Who knows? But it's worth a shot.

Finally Motivated?

Weigh in: 324 (-1)
Current 5-Day: 324.5 (NA)

I've been severely lacking in the motivation department the past few days. I've been tired and depressed, I've felt defeated concerning certain areas of my life, and the kids have not helped in the least.

It's been tough to get going. My last workout was a joke. I gave 50% for half the routine, then I quit.

And then Becky posted her most recent pictures.

Not only does she look great, on her way to looking amazing, but you could see the excitement in her eyes and hear it in her voice. She made a great stride, and it made her feel - deservingly - proud of what she had done.

Seeing her results and her reaction to them made me want what she had. I had already forgotten what that feeling was like.

So, today's workout and diet are going to be amazing. This is going to be a good day.

Thanks to Beck.

Back At It

Well, after a Tuesday weigh-in of 325, my new 5-day is 324.5. As much as I hate that number, I feel almost relieved, as it's only .6 higher than it was the day I left for Michigan - which is when the wheels fell off.

So, I'm back at it, working my way to my next goal of 315, which will be impossible to hit by next Thursday. And I'm OK with that. Will I reach my goal as quickly as I'd like? Nope. But I will still reach my goal.

There's no rush, people. There's not a guy watching us, waiting to beat us with a baseball bat if we fail to hit our goals on time. The only people who should be beating ourselves up is us. And we should only do that if we're failing. I messed up last week, but I didn't fail. I slowed down, but I didn't stop.

I started a new in-home routine yesterday. I might tweak the leg lifts and exchange them for some crunches, not sure.

Push ups
1 set of max reps from floor
2 sets of 20 from 45-degree angle

Curls
3 sets of 7, 38# each arm, alternating

Dumbell Cross Punch
2 sets of 10, 13# each arm

Squats (unweighted)
3 sets of 20

Leg lifts
3 sets of 10

I'm still very much hoping to get into some basketball soon, but I'd need to find somebody at my fitness level, or I won't last one game. I know some guys from the magazine I work for who play all the time, but these guys are all in great shape, and I wouldn't fit in. I used to hate playing with guys who couldn't keep up with the rest of us. I'm not gonna do that to anybody else.

And so, the struggle continues.

To the Coalition:

It's been a rough week for most of us. We're not getting the results we want, we struggle to keep on top of our routines, we lose focus...keep fighting through it. We all know we're doing the right things. Keep going, and the rest will take care of itself.

Happy Tuesday.

Ok, I'll post mine, too.

It didn't look too bad untli I screwed up in Michigan last week. Oh well, I'm back on the horse, so it'll start dropping again, soon.

Very soon.

Super, Thanks For Asking

Much like Rob said, I didn't do horrible yesterday, but I didn't eat clean all night, either.

Lots of high-sodium mexican dishes, some cheese dips, tortilla chips, and it's possible some of Becky's homemade peanut butter cups found their way into my system, too. Still, I ate great up until Super Bowl time, and I made sure not to overdo it on anything during the game. I snacked more than anything.

Still, the weight was back up to 325.5 this morning, so I'm guessing my 5-day ain't gonna be none too pretty tomorrow. Now that my schedule is back to normal this week, I'll be guaranteed time to workout.

Also, I'm hitting Denver's Craigslist today to look for a listing that says something like "Out of shape old guys playing basketball - come join us!" When in college, I played basketball three nights per week, didn't change my diet much, and I lost 60 pounds in roughly five months. Basketball is my sport of choice, and I greatly prefer accomplishing something when doing my cardio. The stationary bike and elliptical just don't do it for me.

I need to find something that I'll stick with.

My Goal for the Week:

Weigh in at 320 at least once by next Monday morning.

Quick Update

Here are my last three weigh-ins:

Friday: 324
Saturday: 325
Sunday: 323

I'd say I leveled off a bit.

I'll recalculate my blog title on Tuesday morning, when I have a new 5-day average.

Good luck to everybody today - Super Bowl Sunday is DANGEROUS. Be strong.

An Addendum

I weighed right before my shower:

324.

I have no clue.

Today's Weight...

Was 328.

That still seems high for one REALLY bad day, and three not great days. Granted, I didn't work out AT ALL, either. So, that might be part of the problem.

Still, almost five pounds in four days?

That? SUCKED.

Dear God.

Fried chicken, pizza, bar-b-q chicken sandwiches, mashed potatoes, Culver's, bar-b-q beans with pork and bacon - it just kept coming and coming.

Listen, I'm not here to tell you that I overcame every challenge, and I'm sure not going to say that I willingly gave in. What I WILL say is that I tried. Some days I did fine, other days, I crapped out.
I weighed myself after I walked in the door this evening, and it read 334-335. If that's true, it better be water weight, because as bad as I was, there is NO WAY I put on almost 12 pounds. I guess we'll see in the morning.

Either way, I'm back, and I'm living life on my own terms. The weight is coming off.

Quickies

> No scale at my Dad's, so I have NO idea what my weight has been for the last three days.

> Nobody takes my eating better thing seriously, so I've been bombarded with crap food. I've had virtually no choice as to what I eat, so I'm focusing on portion control.

> It's been non-stop family stuff since I got to Michigan - I'll try to do some push-ups before I go to bed.

> I'll be back on Thursday, and the train will resume it's roll towards 315 then.

> Thank God. This post knocks those damn pics a little further down the page.

Please, Forgive Me.

I've been fighting with this for a few weeks. Do I post my pics, let everybody in on just how disgusting I am, and then let them watch the transformation? Or do I just show the final product, and let them wonder how nasty I really was?

Well, every since Beck posted her pics a few weeks ago, I've had the urge to follow suit. But I just couldn't do it.

Until tonight.

I took some pics. I liked what I saw (in comparison). I am doing it.

I'm very, very sorry.

WARNING:

IF YOU'VE RECENTLY EATEN, WAIT 30 MINUTES BEFORE VIEWING THESE PHOTOS.


First, let me explain the sudden, um, "hair loss" in the second pic. See, I was bored, and I had a razor. That's what happens when work-from-home dad's get a little spare time.


Anyway, I can see the changes - finally. Even from 1-06 to 1-27, which is when I started REALLY working with weights and push-ups.

Dare I say I see a little definition under the lard?

Maybe.


I'll pose again on 2/15, when I plan to be down to 315.

Again. I'm SO sorry.

Here's A Quiz

What happens when you take one of your highest recent weigh-ins, and replace it with your lowest weigh-in?

Well, your 5-day average drops from 325.3 to 324.5, for one thing.

It's a new low for me, folks. I can officially say that I'm back on track.

Not much else to write about now, but just had to let the "masses" know the good news.

For more good news, check Beck's No Excuses later today.

An Edited Goal

Is this cheating? I don't think it is.

I am changing up my 2.15.07 goal. I don't see ANY way I can get my 5-day down to 315.4 or lower in the next 20 days. If I can, great. Bonus. But I don't see it happening. I'd have to have a DAILY calorie defecit of 1,750 calories each day for the next three weeks.

So, here's my new plan: Weigh in at 315 by 2.15.

As Expected...

My weigh-in this morning was back at 324.5, up a pound from yesterday, but fully expected after making a 2.5 pound drop. My 5-day dropped another two tenths, and it should make a nice dip tomorrow once I get that ugly 327.5 off of my record.

Not much else to report this morning.

Diet was fine yesterday. Dealt with the stress as best I could.

I do have a headache this morning, so there's that.

Might have more later, but for now I just wanted to get something on "paper".

TGIF.

More Proof that Life Doesn't Care About My Weight Loss

Just got a call from my dad in Michigan, and - long story short - my Grandfather had surgey a few days ago, but he's old, and it appears now that his lungs couldn't handle the stress.

He's in extremely critical condition, and he also had a heart attack during his recovery efforts this morning. The doctors don't expect him to make it through the next few days.

This guy has escaped death at least a dozen times before. He's taken a lot of risks - surgeries, new medicines - and he's had some struggles - heart disease, pulminary issues - yet he's always pulled through. I guess anything can happen.

So, I doubt I'll be focusing on my diet or lifting today, as I sit here waiting for "the call." This will make the fourth loss in the last 2.5 years for me. My grandmother, my best friend from high school, and my mom have all passed in that time frame. It's not been an easy stretch.

More later, I'm sure.

Holy Cow!

Yes, Holy Cow, indeed.

So, I had an AWFUL four-day stretch. I mean, it was pitiful. Like I said yesterday, I ate everything I wanted. The willpower was gone. I was also sick, so I think I completed 1/2 a workout in those four days.

Well, I woke up feeling great yesterday, fought through a tough workout, and nailed my diet for the day.

I weighed myself - for the heck of it - part way through the day yesterday, and I weighed 324. For the middle of the day, it was a nice number, but I obviously put no stock into it.

So, off to bed I went. I had a pretty decent night's sleep - up a couple times due to neighbor noise, and I had to take a bathroom break once. Still, in bed a little after 11, up at 6:30. Not too bad for us.

My first stop (after the john) was the scale. My weigh-in today?

323.5 - the lowest I've been.

Down 2.5 pounds from yesterday, and .9 pounds down on my 5-day.

Now, I honestly expect that number to level back off in the 324's or 325's tomorrow, but it was a step in the right direction, and one that I needed to see badly.

Also, my new 5-day weight is 325.5, a new low for me so far. My previous low was about a week ago at 325.8. The day after I hit that mark, I started my stretch of daily failures.

I'm telling you right now, there's no way in hell that happens again. I can't tell you how great it feels to see all of these new lows. I went through the fire, and came out better for it. I felt like failing, but I wouldn't give in.

I've got three more days to kick this up another notch. Can I make it to 323 by Monday? Is 320 out of the question? Yeah, 320 is probably out of the question, but it makes my 315 on 2/15 seem a little more attainable.

Have a great one, all.

God knows I will now.

EDIT:

It should be mentioned that I now have 21 days to bring my 5-day average down to 315.4.

I'll have to drop my 5-day by an average of .48 pounds each day from here on out.

Doesn't seem too realistic at this point.

Picture Coming Later

So, looking for clothes to wear to my dad's wedding, I tried on a suit coat I purchased about 6 months ago for job interviews.

Too big.

The shirt that I wore under it, which was WAY too tight to wear to work as of the end of September?

Too big.

So, I reached for a sportcoat I wore when I was in college - 10 years ago. I was 299 on my first day that year, and this jacket was a hair big on me - but not by much. I actually tried it on about three weeks ago, and I couldn't even get my arm all the way in. And buttoning it? Yeah. Not so much.

On it went...

Almost perfect. The shoulders and back are a little snug, but I could wear it if I had to. But since I don't need to wear it until February 17th, I've got time to get it right.

Anyway, a few pics of me in clothes that were too tight two months ago are coming later.

Seeing Daylight

Well, I didn't do anything special, but I feel different this morning. I think I've finally broken out of my rut.

To be honest, I've eaten like CRAP the last four days. My calories stayed down, but easily 1/3 of my calories were empty. I've downright craved cheesecake, burgers, chinese - if it's bad for me, I've wanted it. And at least once each day, I've eaten it.

But it's out of my system this morning.

It's been an emotional and stress-filled few days. "Depression" is a word that comes to mind. But all that seems to be gone as I type this. I woke up in a good mood. Ate a decent breakfast. Got some work done. Kids are happy and feeling better.

It's a new day, people. And I'm all over it.

Better Than Nothing

Not a lot to report.

Yesterday was an AWFUL day as far as stress & bad news was concerned. I won't go into a lot of detail, but we'll just say that it was a very bad day.

I'm also still fighting off some sickness and fatigue.

Still, I worked out as much as I could - running through only two sets of my usual three. I just had nothing left in the tank after that second round. But I'm glad I at least put forth the effort to keep moving.

I'm still not feeling wonderful today. I'm worn out and under the weather. I'm still hoping to do something active today - push ups, sit ups, squats - anything to keep the body moving. But I'm pretty sure I have two sick babies at home with me, so it could be a challenge.

In other news, my weight was back down 2.5 pounds from yesterday, but with a 327.5 and a 328 on my 5-day, the average only dropped a tenth. Better dropping than rising, though. The 328 drops off in two days, and the 327.5 drops off in four. So I need to keep on top of things to see a nice drop off on Saturday.

My goal for this week:

Change the blog name to "The 64" or lower by 1/29

Trying to Focus

Fact: My blog title dropped from The 68 to The 66.5. Not awful, but could have been MUCH better.
Fact: I screwed up Friday night, and it has had a ripple affect on my transformation.
Fact: My 5-day has gone up each of the last four days - 325.8, 326.1, 326.2, 326.5.
Fact: My diet was near-flawless yesterday. I actually had to add calories because I was so low.
Fact: My weight went up 2 pounds from yesterday.
Fact: I've been sick/sleep deprived for five days, and have only worked out once in that span.
Fact: I am still sick today, and achy in many places.
Fact: I am stressed out. Actually, that's an understatement.
Fact: I'm frustrated and weak right now. Losing focus quickly.

So, here's the plan. I'm going back to how I was on Day One of this thing: Every calorie gets placed into FitDay; I'll do some sort of excercise numerous times throughout the day; I'll ignore cravings; I'll snack on healthy snacks - carrots, apples, Fiber cereal, etc. Doing that, I was losing around three pounds per week. But, I went away from that to try a different routine, and my progress has slipped noticeably.

I feel like I've let this thing turn into too much of a challenge or a game - something that I can win or lose. It isn't a competition. I need this change for so many reasons. I need to feel better about who I am. I need to feel the sense of accomplishment. I need to be healhty. I need to be here for my family.

Nobody needs to leave me any "don't quit, you can do it!" comments. I'm not going to quit, and I can do this. I have no intentions of staying this fat, worthless pile of human that I feel like I've been for so long.

That said, this is a tough stretch for me. It doesn't take much to derail your transformation. One meal, one night, even one snack can be all you need to get off track. I made one bad decision on one night. And that has sent me into a tailspin of sorts.

Down? Yes.
Out? Not even close.

Not Good

Well, as most of you read, Beck slipped up on Friday, and I joined her. We both chose to have a bad night eating, and while it was great at the time, I regret it horribly today.

Until last night, I've been averaging around four hours of sleep per night. I've had no energy, and I've been craving crap non-stop. I finally gave in Friday, and paid the price when I weighed in on Saturday morning. The scale read 328, taking my average from 325.8 to 326.1. And even though I did great yesterday and tipped the scale back at 325.5 this morning, the 328 caused my average to go up ANOTHER tenth to 326.2.

I'm obviously not too happy with this, but it does serve as a sobering reminder. One day can screw you up. There is no way I can hit my 5-day goal of 325.4 by tomorrow morning. I'd have to weigh in at 322. Still hypothetically possible, but not likely.

My goal was in reach. I could have nailed it, maybe even surpassed it. But because I chose to go overboard, there's no way.

I'll keep that in mind the next time I feel like taking a day off.

Old Habits

Maybe it's because I'm not feeling great. Maybe it's because I haven't slept much the last three nights. Maybe it's because I've had to slack on my workouts because of my wrist.

Maybe it's because I'm weak.

No matter the reason, I find myself in the middle of a struggle right now.

For the last 48-72 hours, I have been craving crap foods. Pizza, chinese, burgers, Snicker's, ice cream - I've wanted it all. I've felt fat and weak, even though my clothes fit great, and my 5-day is steadily dropping. I look in the mirror, and instead of flexing the new muscles, I feel disgusted. I don't have the willpower right now.

I'm surviving OK. Except for two, small diet blunders (neither of which put me anywhere close to my BMR), I'm holding course. It's just that, for the last few days, I haven't actually WANTED to hold the course.

I'm adjusting my focus. This is about long-term change. I'm going to go through some spots like this, I understand that. I assume that once I get through this, I'll be right back on track. I just have to hang on until it passes.

Still, it's like The Perfect Storm. Everytime that boat made it through a crashing wave, there was another one right behind it. And just like that boat, I'm turning to meet the waves head-on. If I can avoid capsizing, this storm will pass.

I think.

I Got Nothin'

Kind of a quiet day on the life transformation front.

My eating was great yesterday. I dropped down another half pound today (thanks to a 330 dropping off my 5-day). Not much to report.

I did post something in the Shift Forums (which already have over 40 posts, by the way) about my wrist hurting. I can do push ups, but any other lifting - curls, shoulder presses, rows - and I get a sharp pain in my right wrist kind of lined up with my pinky. It's 100% fine until I start to lift.

Maybe I just need to give it a coupe of days off. Not too long, I hope. I've got goals to hit.

For Rob

From Rocky Balboa

"Let me tell you something you already know. The world ain't all sunshine and rainbows. It is a very mean and nasty place and it will beat you to your knees and keep you there permanently if you let it. You, me, or nobody is gonna hit as hard as life. But it ain't how hard you hit; it's about how hard you can get hit, and keep moving forward. How much you can take, and keep moving forward. That's how winning is done. Now, if you know what you're worth, then go out and get what you're worth. But you gotta be willing to take the hit, and not pointing fingers saying you ain't where you are because of him, or her, or anybody. Cowards do that and that ain't you. You're better than that!"

Wow.

EDIT:

Milestone: The Big 2-0

Total Weight Lost Since 01/01/06: 33.1 pounds
Total Weight Lost Since 11/23/06: 20.1 pounds

Wow. I gotta tell ya, seeing that number feels damn good, people.

Here's a little secret. I cheated last night. I had a horrible day, but I was surviving. Then, I for some reason talked myself into Sesame Chicken on white rice for dinner last night. Did I know it was wrong? Yessir. Did I have the opportunity to do something different and healthier? Oh, yeah. Yet, there I was eating breaded and fried chicken over carb-filled rice, covered in sesame sauce. I still ended up under 2,800 calories (my BMR is 3,505), so it could have been worse. Still, I'm a little disappointed in myself.

But today is another day. I screwed up last night, but I'm still standing.

I ordered some new jeans last week from Old Navy. My 44's (which were perfect in late November) are now so big that they fall off WITH my belt on. I ordered 42's, hoping that they'd work. With me, it seems like every jean company makes a different size of "42". I just hoped these weren't too tight.

They came yesterday, and I tried them on.

Here's the bad news: They don't fit that well.
Here's the good news: They're already a little too big.

The moral of that story as it relates to my cheating last night? It's simple. NOTHING is going to stop me. This isn't about how many times we fall, it's about how many times we get back up. And as long as we get up every time we fall, we WILL nail our goals. For every loss we have in this war on fat, there are 10 victories.

There is no hitting the wall, because we break through any wall that gets in our way.
There are no excuses, because "excuse" is just another word for "fail".
There's no quitting, because when we've gone as far as we can, we go just a little further.

My name is Kevin Antcliff, and I've lost 20 pounds using the latest fad diet. My plan? Eat better, and exercise more. It's crazy, but it works.

Good News, Good News, Bad News, Pimping

>> OK, here's the deal. If not for a nasty 330 still on my record over my last five days, my weight would have seen a nice little drop this morning. I weighed in at 325, my lowest mark of this transformation. If I can stay in the 324-325 area, my weight will drop to the mid 326's tomorrow, putting me in a decent position to hit my goal of 325.4 by Monday. I lifted hard yesterday. I dare say it was my most painful weight workout since I started. I lifted more weight than I have in years, and I went to exaustion in every set. I lifted at 11am, and by 3pm, I was hurting. Still am now.

>> I haven't worn my wedding ring in at least 18 months. Fat fingers will do that. It's important to Beck and I that I get it back on so all the women will stop hitting on me because wearing these rings means something to us. I tried it on last week, and I cold get it most of the way on, but it took a little Crisco to get it back off. Out of curiosity, I tried again last night, and it was a perfect fit. Slid right on, slid right off. Not earth-shattering, but it still felt really great.

>> I'm not sure if it's the way I slept, or if I overdid it with the shoulder presses or push-ups yesterday, but I have a serious pain in my shoulder blade, just to the right of my spine. I've had this before, and I never knew where it came from. It's usually a 3-4 day thing. Turning my head to the left? Ow. Lifting my head off of my pillow? Ow. Looking up? Ow. I'm in no mood to cut back on my activities, so we'll see how much I can do with the pain. Maybe I'll just bike and do some leg lifts today.

>> As has already been mentioned, the Shift forums are open for business. Drop by, register, post a little, get to know your other FAT Coalition members, etc. I'd love for this to be a nice little hangout for like-minded people.

Have a great Tuesday, all.

Nothing Bad, Nothing Good

Since January 1st, I've had three weigh-ins that weren't 328, 329, or 330. That's it. The three that I had were 326, 326.5, and 326.5. What does that mean?

I have no idea.

You'd think with weigh-ins like that, my weight would be pretty much stationary over the last 14 days. Well, it ends up that I've lost 3.4 pounds in that time. Not great, but better than nothing or adding.

I ate great yesterday, getting back on the horse after a dreadful Friday and Saturday. I'm going back to my roots. In December, I averaged around 3 pounds per week of weight loss. I ate great - nothing bad went into my body, and I was working out in some form every day. I went away from that over the last 2 weeks, and I've slowed down quite a bit.

I've also decided that I'm adding weight, and removing reps. I'll be aiming for technical failure on my 6th rep in each set. I was content with getting to 10 or 12, but I want to build some muscle, not just tone what little I had when I started. We'll see how it works over the next two weeks.

As for the name of the blog, I COULD change it to The 67, but with an average weight of 327.7, I feel like I'd be cheating if I rounded down instead of up.

So, welcome to The 68. Enjoy that number while you can. It won't be here next Monday.

This Week's Goal:

Drop 5-day average to 325.4 or lower by 1-22-07

The Shift Forums

Are now open. They aren't even close to being finished, but if you'd like to post, get to know the FAT members, ask a few questions, etc, just go here:

http://shifthf.com/forums/index.php

Shift should be up and running by the first of next month, and it's going to be amazing.

Closing In On 20

If you'll notice my sidebar, you'll see that my weight lost since I really kicked this into gear on Thanksgiving has topped the 19 pound mark.

My goal is to crush 20 by the end of this week.

20 is a big number. That's like giving birth to a year-old child.

Slow but sure.

This Isn't Right

OK, so, here's the deal.

My legs? Yeah, they hurt worse today then they did yesterday. I didn't expect them to feel great, but I was hoping for improvement. The things are killing me right now.

And let's talk weigh-in. I know, I'm not supposed to pay attention to my daily weight, but it was up FOUR POUNDS since yesterday. FOUR POUNDS. My average dropped a tenth, which is what I should be focusing on, I know. But still, I can't help but feel that I'm starting to move in the wrong direction.

I've been keeping my calories down, though I admit they haven't been the best calories the last two nights. That's what happens when you have no food in the house, and no time to get any - you order out. But again, I haven't topped 2,500 calories in weeks.

Maybe it's water retention from too much sodium? Maybe I added four pounds of muscle since yesterday? Maybe my this pair of boxer-briefs weighs four pounds more than the pair I had on yesterday?

Well, my goal today is to eat CLEAN - which will be tough because of the no food thing. Also, drink a butt load of water. If it IS water, it should be out of my system by morning. If it's not, then I need to step it up.

I need to hit 315, and I'm running out of time.

I'm Sorry...

But Kevin will not be posting today. I am his PA, Cliff.

Mr. Antcliff is currently in bed, unable to move his legs. You see, he went running for the first time since April of 2001 last night, and though he did OK, he's in severe pain right now. On a 1-mile trek, he ran for the first tenth, walked for the next 2-3, ran for another 1/2 tenth or so, walked some more...you get the picture.

Kevin does want me to share with you that he is very proud of himself for a few reasons:

1. He never stopped moving. He was either running or briskly walking the entire time.
2. He came close to quitting easily three or four times, but he did not allow it to beat him.
3. He's looking forward to doing this again tomorrow, if he can move his legs.

He also thinks he might need a new scale. He weighed himself three times in five minutes this morning to test it, and his results were - in order - 325, 330, and 326. Scales are expensive, however, and Kevin fears he'll step on a good one and find his weight is actually much higher than he's believed it to be to this point.

Just another challenge for him to face.

He says he might be able to post later, but for now, he needs his profin and a leg rub.

Until then,
Cliff

I Ran

Damn, am I out of shape.

More tomorrow, but here's the summary:

I ran about 1/3 of a mile in a 1-mile journey. Much further than I figured I'd go.
I wanted to quit, but I wouldn't let it happen.
I'm sore already.
"Right Here. Right Now" by Fatboy Slim is a GREAT running tune.

I feel great right now. My goal is three days per week, working up to a mile without stopping as soon as possible.

Night, night, FAT people.

One More Thing...

I'm going running tonight. Real running - sweatshirt, workout pants, gloves, on the street - the real deal. I haven't gone running in at least five years, so I expect lots of stopping and puking.

It should be fun!

That's Better

I worked out hard yesterday, adding in another set to each of my at-home weight moves, and adopting the "just one more" approach to my lifting. When I get to technical failure, I force myself to do one more, with the best form I can muster up. I also added in some ab work to my at-home routine yesterday - leg lifts and crunches.

Diet? nailed it. Beck and I were both snacky last night, and that's usually dangerous. She (willpower!) had nothing, as she was out of calories for the day, and I had whole wheat bread with some peanut butter on it. Ain't nothin' wrong wit dat, baby.

So, I stepped on the scale this morning, and I came in at 326.5 - a new low for me in this transformation.

Here's the down side of using the 5-day average: When you hit a number like 326, you want to tell people you weigh 326. But, in my case, it only dropped my average to 328.8. It'll be another 2-3 days until the average shows a significant decrease.

But the important thing here is that I needed some sort of proof ths morning that I was doing OK, as my discouragement was getting tougher to deal with. Seeing that scale nearly knocking the 325 mark fired me up a little bit.

I was never off the horse, but I had slowed it to a trot. Now I'm galloping this sucker to 315. I've got 36 days to drop my average 13 pounds. Doable? I think so. I guess we'll find out.

Carry on, FAT people!

A Cruel Joke

So, on Sunday I felt all weak and depressed, and I had to convince myself it'd be OK and not quit. I moved on, recovered from a workout and ate well yesterday, and felt good about staying on the horse.

And then I weighed in.

Even though my average has dropped one tenth in each of the last two days, my weigh-in number has jumped up two pounds. I tip the scale at 330 on the nose this morning, while my 5-day shows me right at 329.0.

So, what's the BEST possible thing to happen to a guy who is struggling with his weight loss/life transformation? Give him a really bad day, followed by ANOTHER bad day. That's the way to derail a program, right there!

I'm not as discouraged as I sound, but I am frustrated. I know it's insane to expect great things every time you weigh in, but I would be OK with the scale either staying put, or moving slowly down. Up doesn't work for me. If my average jumps back up over 330 again, I'll snap. I know I will.

So, today is another day. Woke up with a major migrane, so I'll do weights from home later today, and try to get on the bike or the tread for 30 minutes tonight after Becky gets home.

Dear Tomorrow,

Please show me below 330 when I step on the scale in the morning.

Love,
Kevin

Not An Encouraging Sunday

Well, for the first time in a good four years, I went to the gym yesterday. Going in, I felt pretty good. I had worked my way up the push-up food chain - from tall counter, to kitchen sink, to floor - so I knew I was stronger than the last time I was in there. I mean, I've been working with 90 pounds and two dumbells for almost four weeks now, so of course I was getting some major improvements.

And then I hit the weight room.

I won't go into detail here, as I'm honestly too damned ashamed, but I came out of that place realizing just how weak I had become while letting myself go. I was ready to quit. Seven weeks, and I was still as weak and pathetic as I was years ago.

It took me most of the day to come around. I had two equally loud voices arguing in my head. One was telling me to screw the whole thing - I was too weak to go on. The other was telling me to shut up, and pick up the intensity - make sure I wasn't this out of shape a month from now.

I'm going with the second voice.

Today, I'm too sore to move. But tomorrow, I'll be heading back to the clubhouse work out room for 30 minutes of cardio, and Wednesday I'll hit it for 30 minutes of weights. I've only got 30 minutes in the morning while Beck is getting ready for work, so I'll need to make it count. Three days of cardio, one day of weights at the gym, and three days of weights from home. That's the new plan.

As a reminder, I've gone through these first seven weeks with no personal trainer, no trips to the gym, no cardio sessions, no overly drastic diet changes, and very little time. I'm coming up on 18 pounds lost this week. I'm hoping to see that number increase by a large margin now that I'll be picking it up a little bit.

Here's to a better Monday than Sunday.

The Pics Are In

And I'm not thrilled.

I was hoping to see some more noticable change from my December '05 photos, but the difference was minimal. Becky sees more change in my pics, and I see more change in hers.

The one thing I have to realize is that I'm starting off at 360 pounds, so losing 30 won't be as noticable as if I were starting at 300. That said, my February photos should show some more obvious change, as I should be in the 40 pound loss range by then.

As for my weight today, I weighed at 328, bringing my 5-day average to 329.2. So, I'm still heading in the right direction.

Now, the bad news.

Today is a planned gorge day. Our kids are heading to Grandmom and Granddad's for the night, and Beck and I are heading to local burger joint called Red Robin, where we'll be spending a gift card we received for Christmas. We will not be holding back. We'll eat anything we want - hamburger, fries, shake - but for this meal only, then it's back on the wagon.

Just pray that we don't enjoy it so much that we stay there and spend hours downing everything they'll put on our tables.

Having said this, it's important to note that Beck and I will be heading to the gym at our clubhouse tonight to work as much of our lunch off as is humanly possible.

Is it bad to take a meal off?

I wouldn't suggest it, but we're going to do it, anyway.

Passion

A friend of mine will soon be joining the FAT Coalition. I'm not sure if he'll start a blog, but he will be one of us in spirit.

He informed me of this via Instant Message a little while ago, and I proceeded to pour out my tips, hints and suggestions. I mean, I HAVE lost 30 pounds, so I must be an expert. Anyway, it was while spouting out my recently acquired wisdom that I realized something: This is my passion, now. It used to be sports. Now, it's health and fitness.

So, allow me to pimp Shift Health & Fitness again, just for a second.

This blog is great. I can share my thoughts, post my results, celebrate when I hit a goal, etc. But I can't truly affect and change lives with this blog. That's why I'm starting Shift. Men's Health is good with information, but there's no support. I want Shift to split the two. Sure, you can get info on the latest work out trend, but you'll also hear from somebody that's going through exactly what you're going through. Best of both worlds.

I want this site to blow up. I want it to grow by leaps and bounds. I want companies to want to be associated with us. I want it to turn into a monthly national health and fitness magazine.

Join me. Join the forums, tell your friends, ask your boss to advertise, promote us any way you can. Together, and I know this is cheesy, we can make a real difference.

OK, carry on.

329.5

Ceeeeelebrate good times, come on! (dun dun dun dun dun dundundun) Wahoo!

As you can see by the title of the post, my 5-day average weight has dropped under that nasty 330 mark. This is massive for me. I am now 69 pounds away from hitting my goal of weighing 260 by July 4th. I have now lost a total of 30.5 pounds since January of '06, and 17.5 pounds since the day after Thanksgiving.

When I got my license a few months ago, I lied and said my weight was 340, because I couldn't deal with seeing 360 on that thing. Well, my license is now horribly inaccurate, as I weigh 329.5.

To mark hitting my first goal, I have decided to change the name of the blog on a Friday. Now THAT is special. Plus, with a blog titled "The 69", I'm bound to get a lot more traffic from random searches. For those of you that find the blog by searching that very special number, welcome!

OK, Kevin. Get a hold of yourself. You aren't done. You've still got a LONG way to go. Just keep doing what you're doing. Keep working. Stay focused.

I'm adding a new goal - we go camping to a huge lake in Wyoming every summer. It's a group of roughly 15-25 people. For the fist time in my entire life, I will take my shirt off in a public setting by the time we start camping in June.

And I'm gonna look damn good when I do.

WELCOME TO THE COALITION'S NEWEST MEMBER

Welcome, Whyves! We hope we can help you along your journey.

On The Threshold

Man, I am SO freaking close to that 329 mark.

I'm not sure why being out of the 330's is so important to me. Maybe it's just because it'll be me hitting a goal that I've set for myself. Maybe I need that extra bit of motivation to keep going. No matter the reason, I'm almost there.

Tomorrow should be the day. If I weigh in at 330.5 or less (I was 329 this morning), the average will drop below that dreaded 330. I know I mention my weight time frames a lot on this blog, but it's been a good 30 months since I was 330 or under. I was at the Dr's in November of 2004, and I weighed 335.

It'll be nice to be that "thin."

On to other things...

Beck and I will be taking our monthly progress picture on Saturday. We both fit into things that didn't fit a month ago, we've both been working out, we've both been taking care of our diets, and we both feel lighter than we did when we started this thing. We should see a change for the better.

My fear is that we won't. What do we do then? I know what we SHOULD do, but that's always easier said than done. I mean, if I still look like I weigh 360, I don't know if I'll be able to handle it. Well, I don't know if the old me would be able to handle it. This will be the transformed Kevin's first test, assuming nothing has changed in the photos.

I have faith that I'll be OK, but only time will tell.

Everybody have a great Thursday!

In Case You Missed It

This is a repost of something I tossed on the site a few weeks ago. It was squeezed between a couple other posts that day, but I wanted to make sure everybody saw it.

--------

Bonus Material

You know, as Rob, Becky and I (and now Billy and Dave!) go through this whole transformation, it's easy to focus on the obvious changes. Our pants are looser, our shoulders look bigger, we might see part of an ab, etc. We focus - rightfully so -on what the scale says, and how many calories we take in on any given day.

But I'm starting to notice some other changes. Changes that could mean that my body has more life in it now than it did five weeks ago.

Back in January of '06, I was given a C-Pap machine. It's an oxygen mask you wear at night that keeps your air passage open. Mine closed an average of 83 times per hour thanks to my sleep apnea. Sleep apnea, for those that don't know, is an affliction that keeps you tired and weak in the short-term, but could also lead to strokes and heart attacks in the long term.

Well, long story short, I can't sleep with that mask on. Too uncomfortable. So, because of that, I often wake up in the middle of the night gasping for air, or choking. An average of one to two times each week, normally.

But since I've started eating healthier and excercising, I haven't woken up choking or gasping once. Apnea is partially caused by being severely overweight. I was 365 when I was diagnosed. As I sit here at 337 (now 330!) - still a long way to go - this is proof that I'm on the right track.

Also, I have somewhat severe acid reflux disease. That heartburn kills me when it hits. It's bad enough that I've been prescribed meds for it for the last two years.

I'm happy to report that I have not had any heartburn since the diet changed. Nothing.

This is why I'm doing it, people. Sure, I'd love to look like Bill Goldberg, or any number of Men's Health cover men, but that would just be a bonus. I want to live past 40. I want to see my kids graduate college and get married (in that order, girls). I want to retire to the Bahamas with my skinny, healthy wife.

It starts here. It ends here.

Crap.

Up another 1/2 pound, but my average is down a tenth. I'll take it.

Still fighting for that 329 mark. It'll be a good day when I get there.

On another note, I thought I'd go over some of the new foods I've been eating during my little transformation here. Much of it I never thought would get inside me of my own doing.

Here's my top 5 new foods.

1. Sara Lee Honey Whole Wheat Bread
Better than regular whole wheat, slightly sweetened, and HALF the calories.

2. Zone Perfect Nutrition Bars
At least a dozen flavors, most of which taste like a candy bar. 210 calories, and 21g of protein in each one. You can get a box of 5 for $4.56 at Target.

3. Brown Rice
I'd had it before and hated it, but a few weeks into the transformation we tried it again. I can barely notice the difference, now.

4. Iced Tea
Yes, tea. I grew up hating tea, but Beck got me to try some a few months ago, and now I dig it. Tastes better than water, and it's good for you!

5. Ground Turkey
Turkey chili, Turkey burgers, Turkey anything. My wife's chili (just ask for the simple recipie) is only about 250 calories per cup, and it'll take care of your protein and fiber needs for the day.

There's plenty more, but these five are the ones I look forward to most. Eat these, and you'll have a great base for some simple, healthy meals.

IN CLOTHING NEWS

I have a pair of jeans. They don't fit. I tried them on about 2 weeks ago to verify that. As a joke, I tried them on last night. As I was telling Becky that I couldn't even get them past my butt last time I tried them on, I realized they were at my waist, and I was buttoning them up. I wore them the rest of the night, and I'll be putting them back on later.

I haven't worn these jeans in at LEAST three years.

I claim a victory.

Not Much to Report Today

On the scale, I was 1/2 a pound up from yesterday, but my average dropped two tenths to 330.9. I think I'll finally break the 329 barrier by Thursday or Friday - hopefully.

ShiftHF.com is on its way, and I have two of my three writers set. If there are any professionals - trainers (Josh the Destroyer, I'm talking to you), nutritionalists, doctors, etc - who may want to chip in with knowledge and/or instructions, please let me know.

As of right now, I have a young lady who lost 100 pounds, then regained much of it after being in an auto accident - and is now RE-losing it. I also have Rob from Fourth and 100 who will be adding his stuff to the Shift family.

I'd like a professional to A. Add some credibility to our efforts, and B. Get some real, true, professional guidance. So, if you know anybody, send them my way.

Other than that, another day, another 1,500 calories.

Carry on.

Can I Get Partial Credit?

My goal by this morning: 329
My five-day average: 331.1
This morning's weigh-in: 329.5

Seriously, can I get a little Woot-Woot for the milestone? I know I'm not actually at 329 because of the whole 5-day thing, but still, to see that scale dip under 330 for the first time in at least 30 months feels damn good.

Beck and I worked out hard together last night (not like that, pervs), pushing ourselves, and getting our blood pumping. It felt amazing. I didn't do the total body, which I probably should have, but I curled, I shrugged, I pressed, and it should be mentioned that I did push ups. Real, manly push ups.

As a reminder, when I started this whole thing, I could do FOUR push ups on the sink, and ZERO from the floor. Over the last seven weeks I've worked up to 20+ on the sink (I'm now using a close grip for my tri's), and sets of TEN from the FLOOR. If you're keeping track at home, that means I'm "benching" roughly 60% of my total body weight, which puts me at 198 pounds. My max bench ever was 225, so a few more weeks, and I should be getting close.

In other news, in one week, I've taken an inch off of my waist, a half-inch from my neck, and I've added a half-inch to my biceps. In ONE WEEK.

This is AMAZING. For those of you doing this with me, DO NOT STOP. Seeing and feeling the improvements is all I need to keep moving. But you don't see or feel a thing if you slow down or quit.

Keep with me, people.

Close, But No Cigar.

Well, my goal was to hit 329 by tomorrow morning, and I'm not going to do it.

That said, my weigh-in this morning did get me down to 332.0, meaning I've lost 15 pounds since I really started keeping track on November 23rd. That's nothing to sneeze at, friends. Losing 15 pounds in a little over 5 weeks puts me at just under a three pounds-per-week average. To be exact, I've been losing 2.53 pounds per week since the day after Thanksgiving.

That puts me on track to hit my goal weight of 260 by the 4th of July holiday. I can deal with stretching things out a couple of weeks.

I'll also be adding in cardio soon - something I should have done much earlier. According to a recent Men's Health article that I read, eating at a defecit of 1,000 calories per day and adding in 3-5 regular work-outs each week will likely result in a healthy 3 pound-per-week weight loss. So, that's what I'm aiming for.

The official weigh-in is tomorrow morning. The new blog name will rely on what my new 5-day weight average is. I'd love to see 331.4 so I can round down to "The 71", but we'll likely end up with "The 72". Either way, at least it's not still "The 100."

Slow but sure, people.

I Feel Good - Dunnuh Nunnuh Nunnuh Nuh

With all apologies to the late James Brown, I do, in fact, feel good this morning. I've been eating great all week, working out in some way shape or form every day, and seeing the weight loss.

If you notice my sidebar, my current weight is now down to 333.4. That's down roughly seven pounds since mid-December. Come Monday, I'm hoping that number is a bit lower. I'd like to see it at 330, though I'm not counting on that one. Still, even if I can get it down to 331 or so, I'd be pretty happy.

Hey, Billy. The biggest amount of change has come in the last 3-4 days since I picked my calorie intake up a little bit. Kudos for the encouragement.

Our next round of shirtless pictures is set for January 6th, and Beck and I are both kind of curious to see what changes (if any) are there.

We are both working hard, eating right, and staying true to the cause. While we don't NEED to see a big change next week, it sure wouldn't hurt to keep us motivated. On the flip side, if we don't see any visable changes, it'll be a blow to our determintation. Let's hope we don't have to worry about that.

If I don't post over the weekend, Happy New Year, everybody!

A Couple Things

> The calorie issue.

For those of you concerned about my caloric intake, allow me to explain. I eat when I'm hungry. Those days when I get hungry, I end up with an intake in the mid 2,000's. I just cannot get myself to eat when I'm not hungry, though. It feels wrong. If I can eat 1,800 calories and not feel the least bit hungry, should I force myself to eat more? Isn't that how I got here in the first place - eating when I didn't need to eat?

As an example, I TRIED to eat more yesterday. My goal was to get to at least 2,200. I had two lean turkey sandwhiches on whole wheat for lunch. I had 3 Zone bars as snacks throughout the day. We went to Applebee's last night, and I ate shrimp and steak teriyaki skewers over rice pilaf, and I had a tall glass of milk. I barely scratched 1,800 calories.

What am I missing here? I understand the "eat less more often" thing, but I'm already eating less. I'm just not hungry during the day.

Input?

> Shift.

This thing that we're going through is a life transformation. First, we had to shift our minds - change our way of thinking about food and health, in general. Now, we're shifting our bodies. Slowly we're seeing the weight drop as we workout more, eat better, and stay active. By doing both of those things, we're shifting our lives. We're becoming healthier, happier and more energized.

It's this thinking that has led me to start ShiftHF.com. Shift will be a health and fitness web site focusing on helping others shift their minds, thier bodies and their lives, just like we're doing. There will be three blogs covering weight loss, strength training, and general fitness. There will be weekly workout tips, a fact and fiction section, links to other great stories and recources, and a forum where weight loseres and weight lifters alike can talk, share ideas and techniques, and so on.

I'll keep you updated on the progress of the site. And if any of you would like to get involved, I'll do all I can to find a place for you. That includes marketing, writing, forum moderation - anything you can do to help the site grow. Just let me know.

In all honesty, I'd love to actually put some muscle behind this site and get it to grow. If any of you have abilities, talents or experience that could help the site blow up, I'd love to talk to you.

Plugging Away

I think I'm liking this new weigh-in method that I stole from Billy. Seeing how fat I am everyday - on paper - seems to make it more real to me. After my Christmas eat-fest upped me a pound, it kind of hurt to put it down on record. Worse than it hurts to just see it on the scale. Likewise, being able to enter your weight when it drops makes it feel that much better.

I had a great eating day yesterday, though I didn't work out. Still, I got on the scale this morning and I tipped the thing at 334 - the lightest I've been through this entire process, as well as over the last four years.

I don't think there's any chance I get to 330 by Monday morning, but I guess you never know. I'm aiming for 1,750 - 2,000 calories each day, and I want to get three total body workouts in between now and Sunday night. If I can do that, I guess anything is possible.

Also, I'll be adding my measurements to my sidebar later today. We bought a cloth tape measure and wrapped it around all of our goodies last week, so I suppose it would be beneficial if I actually shared that with all of you.

To my F.A.T. members - keep it up. No quitting, and no getting down over a couple of bad days. I'm not doing this without you.

I'm Back. Merry Christmas Dinner.

OK, I've been gone for a few days, and there are two reasons for that.

1. There hasn't been much going on. Between the blizzard, family get togethers, last-minute shopping, and so on, there hasn't been much worth writing about.

2. I decided I was going to enjoy Christmas - food and all. No point in sharing what horrible things I've done with all (4) of my faithful readers.

The good news is that I still made out OK over the last two days. With the exception of a few pieces of boxed chocolate on Sunday, I'm pretty sure I stayed under my 3,500 calorie maintenance level. Monday, that changed. I won't go into detail, but I ate a lot of food. Not much (though some) of it was good for me.

As I weighed myself this morning, I expected horrible things. But what I got wasn't all that bad - 336. And I've stolen Billy's weigh-in method, as well. I've weighed in every day for the last nine days, and my average is exactly 336. So, the blog name changes again.

I haven't worked out since Beck and I went through my total body torture on Thursday (though I did some push-ups and a set of curls on Friday), so I'll be back at it today.

The best thing I can take from this experience is this: I know I cheated. I made the conscious decision to eat things I shouldn't eat, and to eat MORE of those things than I should. In the past, it was just a given. "Of COURSE I'll eat crap - it's what I do." Not anymore. I had an actual feeling of guilt as I was eating this stuff last night. A feeling like I was doing something wrong. To me, that says a lot about where I am in this "transformation" I'm going through.

Back at it, people. Keep on me, Rob, Billy and Beck. We still need it.

Snow Day!

26" of snow kept Becky home, and it kept both of us from leaving the house.

But were we going to let that stop us??

Hell no!

We both did the total body workout that I posted a few posts down this afternoon, and we're both happy to report that we feel it. We're a little tight or spaghetti-like in places, but it feels great. Beck liked it so much that she's considering making it her regular weight workout.

I aim to please.

Not much else to report, so I'll call it done.

Buh Bye!

My Achy Breaky Heart. And Arms. And Back. And Shoulders. And...

Yessir, I'm sore.

As much of a pain in the neck as it is (and arms, and back, and thighs...), I love it. For once, it tells me that I'm doing something right. I worked, and now I'm healing.

This will be a short post. Afterall, it's taking me almost an hour just to move my arms enough to type this much. I just wanted to celebrate my morning-after soreness.

Whee!

Then and Now

Well, there it is. I'll keep the shirt on, thanks. I'll add to this photo every 6-8 weeks. Hopefully, we'll all see some major changes.

Finally Working Out

This is the workout I just (mostly) completed. Let me tell you, those reverse lunges, and that freaking Superman thing. Damn.

Like the image says, three times a week, adding in cardio. I'm gonna be buff stuff in no time.

Maybe.

Click on the image for more detail.

A Dangerous Trend

EDIT: After typing this, I weighed myself, just for the heck of it. 336. Two pounds down from yesterday. I'll keep the blog title the same until next Monday, hoping to make a major change.

I ate like a pig last night.

It was all healthy - PB on whole wheat, protein bar, a little dairy, etc. - but I still ate when I wasn't hungry. I ate strictly out of boredom.

The ONLY thing that kept me from eating junk food? We didn't have any junk food.

Thank God.

I was pretty depressed about the one-pound gain, and I was home alone with a sleeping baby last night, so the boredom just seeped in. And the food followed.

I ended up at roughly 2,900 calories yesterday, which is still 600 below my weight mantenance level. So it's not ALL bad. Plus, I'm pretty sure I got it out of my system, as I've only had 300 or so calories through 10am my time. I'm on pace to have a pretty decent day.

I need to snap myself out of this. For the last five days, All I've wanted to do is eat. Again, thank God I don't have any junk in the house, or I'd be screwed.

I didn't even workout yesterday. I was too tired and depressed about some personal things going on. I'll be hitting the weights right after I finish posting this blog. I just hope that helps. It usually does.

We Are NOT Amused

First, look at my blog title. You'll notice it moved in the wrong direction.

Second, look at my FitDay caloric intake for the last several days. If you add up my caloric defecit for the last week, it comes up to 10,767 calories. At 3,500 calories per pound, that's 3.07 pounds lost. But how many did I lose? I GAINED one, dammit!

Now, I know the calories weren't all the perfect calories. I did snack a little bit, and there were a couple of times I had white rice instead of brown, etc. But I stayed at LEAST 600 calories under my weight maintenance level every freaking day last week.

How is this possible? What did I do wrong this week? Like I said, I know I didn't eat the perfect meals, but it's my understanding that I could eat five double cheeseburgers today, but as long as I stay under my maintenance level, I won't put any weight on. I won't be healthy, but I won't get any more fat that I am now. If that's the case, I don't see how some sesame chicken and some chocolate - spread throughout the week - can make me ADD a pound, when my caloric intake never even made it to the maintenance level.

I just don't get it.

Alright, screw this.

I got my weights yesterday, so I'll be doing a total body workout from an old Men's Health three days per week. I'd do more, but I've been reading more and more about letting your muscles repair between work outs. Don't want to overdo, and I want the boys to have a chance to heal and grow.

I'm about to eat a bowl of Fiber One cereal, I'll have a Zone bar for a snack in a few hours, I'll grab a PB sandwhich for lunch, an apple for my mid-afternoon snack, and then a decent dinner. In the middle of it all, I'll find time to work out.

This pound really should have thought things through before it decided to come back. I'm gonne kick it's little 3,500-calorie ass. And then all of his buddy's are screwed, too.

330 by 01/01.

Yikes.

Rut.

I'm in one.

The diet thing got very easy for the last week or two, but that seems to have been a phase that has now passed.

I have had more junk food cravings in the last 24 hours than I've had in the last six weeks. I can taste burgers, pizza, Little Debbie's, peanut butter cups, Hershey bars, chocolate chip cookies, and ice cream.

I've been able to withstand it, for the most part, but I did have a couple of cheat meals this week. Even so, I have not come within 700 calories of my weight maintenance level of 3600 calories. So, I guess that's a small victory.

And this hunger. I mean, it doesn't matter what I eat, or how often I eat it, I've been hungry almost non-stop since yesterday morning. Protein doesn't help, Fiber doesn't help. I eat, and 10 minutes later, I want food. I've been trying the little "snack through the day" thing, but it's not so much as taking the edge off.

I'm hoping it's just a little bump in the road. If it's not, I'll have to come up with something. I can't be this hungry all the time and hope to stay at or below 2,000 calories. A man has to eat.

The struggle continues...

Just a Few Notes

> To end any potential confusion about the weight loss:

In January of 2006, I weighed 360 pounds. I gave up sugared drinks, and moved to a third-floor apartment in February. The next time I weighed myself - just a few weeks ago - I had dropped about 13 pounds. I credit this to a slight increase in activity, and drinking only tea, water and diet soda.

So, I'm still trying to lose 100 pounds, but I'm starting for real at 87.

> I cheated last night.

We had no food in the house, so we ordered Chinese. I had sesame chicken, again. I ate it all, again. The good news is that I came it at just about 2,700 calories for the day, still almost 800 calories below my maximum intake. Still, eating 16 ounces of breaded chicken covered in sesame sauce, a cup of white rice, and three crab wontons in one sitting can't be good.

> Photo op.

After posting my picture from 2001 yesterday, I got bored. I dressed in a similar shirt, stood in a similar pose, and took a nearly identical picture in my mirror. I expected to see Ralphie May in the after photo, but I was somewhat surprised to see me. A me that looked like he put on a little weight, but still, me. It's the first time in a long time I haven't looked at myself at felt disgusted.

If asked, I may post the before and after. We'll see.

> My weights are coming.

On Saturday, I'm getting - free of charge - two dumbells, and about 90 pounds of iron weights. I'll be adding in several moves that I found in the 2/06 issue of Men's Health that, when added to my push-ups, will give me a full-body, life transformation workout.

> Speaking of push-ups...

I still can't quite do full sets of 10 on the floor, but yesterday I ripped out two sets of 20, two sets of 15, and two sets of 12 on the kitchen counter. Still only like lifting around 140 pounds, but it was like lifting 140 pounds 94 times.

Today, I rest. If I could move my arms, I might do more...

> News coming soon.

Becky, Rob and myself have all made commitments to become better, healthier people. The truth is, we were all fat. And now that we're going through this life transformation, we're hoping to become F.A.T.

If you'd also like to become F.A.T., or if you're curious what that even is, keep checking back.

> Just for laughs.

Me at 250

Not a great shot, but this is a picture of me at about 250. I have arms. Kind of big ones. And underneath that shirt is the beginning of ... wait for it ... a CHEST!

With some increased muscle mass/tone, I'm hoping that 260 this time looks like 250 that time.

In a few months I'll be posting another picture - me looking like that in June of 2007.

Bonus Material

You know, as Rob, Becky and I go through this whole transformation, it's easy to focus on the obvious changes. Our pants are looser, our shoulders look bigger, we might see part of an ab, etc. We focus - rightfully so -on what the scale says, and how many calories we take in on any given day.

But I'm starting to notice some other changes. Changes that could mean that my body has more life in it now than it did five weeks ago.

Back in January, I was given a C-Pap machine. It's an oxygen mask you wear at night that keeps your air passage open. Mine closed an average of 83 times per hour thanks to my sleep apnea. Sleep apnea, for those that don't know, is an affliction that keeps you tired and weak in the short-term, but could also lead to strokes and heart attacks in the long term.

Well, long story short, I can't sleep with that mask on. Too uncomfortable. So, because of that, I often wake up in the middle of the night gasping for air, or choking. An average of one to two times each week, normally.

But since I've started eating healthier and excercising, I haven't woken up choking or gasping once. Apnea is partially caused by being severely overweight. I was 365 when I was diagnosed. As I sit here at 337 - still a long way to go - this is proof that I'm on the right track.

Also, I have somewhat severe acid reflux disease. That heartburn kills me when it hits. It's bad enough that I've been prescribed meds for it for the last two years.

I'm happy to report that I have not had any heartburn since the diet changed. Nothing.

This is why I'm doing it, people. Sure, I'd love to look like Bill Goldberg, or any number of Men's Health cover men, but that would just be a bonus. I want to live past 40. I want to see my kids graduate college and get married (in that order, girls). I want to retire to the Bahamas with my skinny, healthy wife.

It starts here. It ends here.

Another Goal

Not so much to do with weight loss, although there is a good connection.

Some of you know that I used to be part owner of my own magazine. Long story short, I lost it due to money and politics. I have missed it horribly for every second it's been out of my life. I've made numerous attempts to get back into publishing, but I keep coming up short.

I have had several pieces published in Mile High Sports Magazine, and The Stampede magazine here in Denver, and that helps to scratch the itch a little bit. But the truth is, I want my own magazine, again.

Several months ago, Beck and I started the process of creating our own magazine. It looked great, conceptually speaking. I even put out a call to writers, and I had over 200 replies from some of the most qualified candidates I've ever seen for a start-up.

There were just two problems:

1. No investor.
2. It's a health and fitness magazine, and I was (am) fat.

For the last few weeks, the itch has been getting to me. I want this. Badly.

Maybe it's because I'm going through this transformation, but I feel more qualified to run this thing, now. I'm the lightest I've been in two years, I'm working every day, I'm eating clean. Everything that I'd be preaching in this magazine.

It would help everybody look like that (future) picture of me you see here.

http://cohealthandfitness.com/

There it is. My dream. I want it. My designer is in place. My writers are in place. I even have the printer and photographer on stand-by. All I need is the money to get it going.

I have no doubt that I could make it work. I know the game, and I have allies here who would likely guide me as a new publisher. I'd need to find some good sales people, which might be the toughest part. But Colorado is one of the healthiest States in the nation, and there isn't a publication dedicated to keeping it that way. This would fill that void.

All I need is the cash for the up-front costs, and it would take off.

Anybody want to buy in?

A Good Problem to Have

First, let me say that I weighed myself this morning, mainly out of boredom. I saw the scale sitting there, all alone, and thought I'd give it something to do.

Well, Mr. Scale rewarded me by showing me at 335. I did everything I could to get my weight back to the 337 it showed yesterday - adjusted my feet, leaned forward, bent at the knees - but it woudn't budge off of the 335 mark.

But since my official weigh-ins are Monday, I won't be changing the name of the blog, yet. Still it was a good feeling.

Anyway, the purpose of this post is to talk calories. My goal for the next 20 days is to stay at or below 2,000 calories each day. I was sure it would be a problem, noting my love of food, and larger-than-human appetite. But yesterday I had to force myself to eat something just to get my calorie level up to 1,600 for the day. I wasn't hungry at all yesterday after living pretty much on oranges and a peanut butter sandwhich (on whole wheat). Then we had a healthy Japanese meal (white chicken, brown rice, homemade teriyaki sauce). So I added up my calories, and I was just over 1,400.

I don't want to stay at an unhealthy level of calroies, but it's kind of tough to force myself to eat during a diet. I feel like I'm cheating by eating extra food, when all I'm doing is getting my intake up to a level that will keep my metabolism running.

I think it's pretty much a just a mental block. I've been so used to eating what I want when I wanted that now, everytime I eat outside of a meal, I feel like I'm reverting back to those old habits.

I think weighing in at 325 in three weeks will help me through. Don't you think?

Also...

For those who drop by and read what I'm up to, allow me to point you in the direction of the person who started this whole thing for me.

My wife has been going full-throttle for six or seven weeks now, working out for one hour every weekday. Her weight-loss is starting to show thanks to her determination, which was showing from Day One.

Drop by her page if you have some time. It's more of a record of the work she's doing, but I know she'd appreciate any comments you wanted to drop on her.

Becky's Page

Three's a Crowd - So I Got Rid of Three More

That's right, baby. The streak continues.

My weight, as of 12-11-2006, is now 337 - roughly the weight I was when my oldest daughter was born in November of 2004. So, this is the lightest I've been in over two years, which is equal parts sad and exciting.

I now need to lose seven pounds in the next 20 days to hit my goal of being at or under 330 by the New Year. Shouldn't be a problem.

This week was a bit of a challenge for me. There was a lot of stress to deal with in our family life, and on pretty much a nightly basis, I wanted to eat mass quantities of junk food. We came close a few times, but at no point did either Beck or I go over our calorie limit. The closest I came was when I took out an entire sesame chicken dinner. It put me up in the mid-2,000's for the day, still safely under my max, but it also gave me one meal that week that helped to kick my metabolism into gear (hat tip, Rob).

I've increased the amount and difficulty of my push-ups, changing up my "grip", and my angle. I'm hoping working a few extra muscles will benefit me. I'll also be getting a dumbell set with 100 pounds of iron weights this weekend. I'll be able to add in curls, military presses, bent over rows, shoulder extensions, and a few other excercises to my routine as of Sunday morning. Ideally, that would take my weight loss cloder to four pounds a week. And as soon as I get down to 300, or so, I'll be starting my training for the Alzheimer's 5k Run in September.

All-in-all, a pretty good week, though I don't feel the same energy today that I felt last Monday. Maybe when I'm down to 330 next Monday, I'll get a little more excited.

Note to everybody that reads:

PLEASE, keep on me. Tell your friends. Send out a spam email. I appreciate everybody dropping by, but I'm only getting roughly 6-8 visits each day. The more people who read this, the more people I'm accountable to.

Thanks!

New Goal for the New Year

So, as I type this, I weigh in at 340 pounds (weigh in is Monday morning). I've been told numerous times that the best way to hit your long-term goals is to set several short-term goals to nail along the way.

So, in that spirit, here is my newest short-term goal:

I will be at or below 330 pounds by January 1, 2007.

To do this, I'll need to consume no more than 2,000 calories a day for the next 21 days, and I'll need to keep up on or increase my push-up routine over that same time-frame.

I'll need to lose 3.18 pounds per week for the next three weeks. Not an easy task, but I have been averaging 3 pounds a week since Thanksgiving, anyway, so it is possible. No cheating, no laziness.

If (no, when) I hit this goal, I will be the lightest I've been since well before my oldest daughter was born - just over two years ago.

Keep on me. I gotta do this.

Nice Pants

So, you know that pair of jeans or cargos you own? The ones that, when they come out of the dryer and you put them on, they're a little bit too tight? The ones that you wear anyway, because you know they'll loosen up as you wear them?

Yeah, I have a pair of jeans like that.

I pulled them out of the dryer this morning and slid them on. I prepared to inhale deeply, so I could get them buttoned and zipped.

And then I noticed something. I didn't need to inhale at all. In fact, I needed my belt with a quickness, or I was going to be giving my wife and kids a little show.

That's right, folks. My "tight" jeans are now so loose, that I need to fasten my belt an extra notch in so I can keep them up.

Scales can only tell you so much. This little adventure proves to me that I'm doing well and losing my baggage.

I read in Men's Health that for every four pounds of weight you lose, it's about an inch off of your waist. So, as I'm hovering right around the 8 pound mark, that means I've already taken off 2" from my waistline.

On the right track, people. On the right track.

Today Won't Be Easy

Today is the two year mark since my mom passed away - a victim of Early Onset Alzheimer's Disease.

As I mentioned in one of my first posts on this blog, watching my mom suffer from and eventually succumb to that disease was one of the driving forces behind my "inflation." Those three years were the three worst in my life.

I won't go into everything that AD did to my mom, as I honestly just don't have the stomach for it today. As it is, I can't shake the scene of her last few minutes.

And, as is my MO, all I want to do is sleep and eat. It's the closest thing to "depression" that I've known. This eats at me. I try to just focus on my day, but it's next to impossible. If I didn't have these girls here relying on me, I'd be in the fetal position on my bed, accompanied by a box of Little Debbie's and some cheeseburgers. Food is my comfort today. My wife is at work, my brother is at work, and my dad lives 1,100 miles away. It's just me here today.

But as hard as it will be, I'll make it through the food cravings. Partly because we don't have anything in the house to eat besides grains and proteins. But the point is, this whole thing is a life change. Which means I need to change EVERYTHING, especially when it comes to how I handle stress. Today will be a big challenge in that regard.

And, not to get too cheesy, but I know my mom would be pround of the changes I'm making, and I wouldn't want to let her down.

Picking It Up

I've done OK the last couple of days, though fighting off the stress has not been easy. I've been craving junk food for 48 hours now. Some BK, a few cookies...something.

So far, my cravings have been somewhat curbed by eating extra good stuff - another PB sandwhich with natural PB on whole wheat, two chicken sandwhiches instead of one - and so on. Even though I've eaten more in the last two days than has been the norm since I started this routine, I'm still an average of 750 calories under my weight-loss max for each day.

Today, I'm going to aim for 1,750. I've heard it's good to keep your metabolism guessing by not eating the same amount of calories every day, so that's what I'll do.

Other than that, not much to report.

Thanks to everybody who has recently visited and chimed in. Please keep it up. It truly does help!

Sometimes You Get Lucky

Yesterday was not a great day.

I had a potential job opportunity slip through my fingers - one that would have allowed to once again run my own magazine. THis time, somehwat appropriately, a health and fitness magazine. The possibility existed that I'd be able to build it from the ground up, and eventually take it national.

The problem is, the powers that be thought the numbers I gave them that would be needed to fund it were per year, when, in reality, they were per issue. So, their potential bill quadrupled, at the very least.

So, the idea got shelved, and I lost out on something I wanted badly - again.

Here's where I admit my weakness. If we would have had junk food in this house yesterday, I would have taken it out with a quickness. I searched all of the cupboards and the freezer. I looked under my bed. I went rummaging through the girls' diaper bag. Nothing.

As I've stated before, I am an emotional eater. Yesterday proved that. The only thing that saved me was the lack of crap in the house.

So, kudos to us for clean eating, and not bringing crap in the house.

But shame on me for being so weak.

Sometimes you get lucky.

The 80?

Yes, The 80.

I can't tell you how great I feel this morning. As you can see on the top of this page and this post, the name of this blog has been changed again. This time, three more pounds have taken the voyage and left my body. That brings my official total in this little life transformation to seven pounds of weight vanquished from various flabby parts of my bod.

I'm rightfully proud of myself today.

And there's more good news where that came from.

As I stated earlier on in this blog, I don't currently have the ability to hit the gym, hire a trainer, buy a weight set, etc. So, I've been doing what I could do, in this case, push-ups. Lots of push-ups. Over the last three weeks, I've done anywhere from 40-80 a day. Well, I noticed something over the weekend - Change. Muscle growth in the arms and shoulders, definition across my back and upper chest, and new strength and energy. Don't tell anybody, but I freaking flexed in front of the mirror for the first time in at least a decade - and I mostly liked what I saw.

Now, I understand that I have a LONG way to go. I mean, this thing is still called THE 80 for God's sake. For any other human, knowing you have to lose 80 pounds is depressing. Not for me. I'm more motivated this morning than I've been at any other point in this process.

This was supposed to be a life change, and that's exactly what it's turning into. I now snack on oranges during the day instead of Krispy Kremes. I don't blink at using whole wheat bread and buns. We made Turkey chili last night, and neither of us missed beef for a second.

And here's the kicker.

To reward ourselves for a great week, we each went out and bought ONE candy bar. My bar of choice was a SNICKERS. Well, we sat down to eat them last night, and two bites in, here's what I thought:

"OK, this is good, but I didn't need it. I should have just saved the calories."

The only thing I'd ever thought while eating a SNICKERS before last night was "hey, can I have another SNICKERS?"

That tells me that this is now a way of life for me. Eating better has already become a habit.

Seven down, 80 to go.

And they will go. Oh yes, they will go.

Two More Down

Well, after three days of barely eating anything, I'm down two more pounds - leaving just 83 left to go.

My flu is mostly gone, so I'll be back to somewhat normal eating today - aiming for 2,200 calories, max. I'm using the Men's Health Abs Diet guidelines, trying to put some fat-burning food in every meal - whole wheat breads, almonds, dairy, eggs, etc.

The whole "eating healthy" thing is slowly starting to become a habit. We've already switched from white rice to brown rice, and white bread to whole wheat bread. We just made the switch from 2% milk to 1% this week - and I barely notice the difference. I haven't had any real junk food (Peanut Butter Cups!) since the day after Thanksgiving, which is pretty freaking impressive for me.

The slim possibility exists that we could be getting some heavily discounted workout equpiment from my wife's company, Lamar Health, Fitness and Sports. The good news is that we'd have a treadmill and a functional trainer in our home, and we'd get them both dirt cheap. The bad news is that we won't have anywhere to put them until February when we move.

Until then, I'm sticking with the push-ups (I'm already feeling stronger after three weeks), and I'm still looking for a cheap dumbell set to add a few other excercises in. I really believe that if I can get some weights in the house, I can make soem things happen.

The struggle continues...