Today was my first trip to the gym in over six years. Last time I was there I was 250 pounds, benching in the 220's for reps, and seeing signs of definition.
Times have changed.
It's been so long that I knew how to do very little outside of push-ups. There was a group of about 12 kids - probably high school football players - who didn't move from the dumbbells and benches once during my trip there. There wasn't a single fat dude in the place. Well, besides me. Every guy there was fit, and seemingly strong.
As it ends up, I found a few machines to use, and I benched, rowed, and pressed various parts of my upper body, and I'm feeling pretty sore right now.
But I admit that I was way intimidated.
That's not an easy thing for me to admit, either. I'm 6-8, I have a shaved head, I run a magazine, I've interviewed professional athletes...and I've never felt as intimidated as I did today. It wasn't a good feeling.
I felt stared at. I felt fat. I felt embarrassed. I felt like the odd guy.
According to my Men's Health personal trainer thing (very cool - worth the 30-day trial), I'm supposed to play at least 30 minutes of basketball tomorrow. No chance of that, as I have no access to an indoor gym, and it's supposed to be snowy and rainy tomorrow. So, I'll have to figure something else out.
And then I have to go back to the gym. It's going to be hard to get back there.
I hope I can do it.
3.24.2008
Ugh.
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4 comments:
You've gotta do it, no matter what. The longer you're away, the more alienated you will feel. Once you've gone a couple of times you won't even worry about it (especially if you're getting a good routine in). You've done the hardest part, which is taking the first step. Now just keep walking :)
Nothing feels better than making progress.
Aiming to go every single day should help you get into the swing of it quickly. Before you know it, you'll feel like you belong there.
Good luck. Wish you guys lived just a teeny bit closer so that we could all work out together.
It was that overwhelming sense of "I don't belong here and everyone notices me" that kept me away from the gym for years.
I finally had to embrace the "Inner F*CK IT" and realize that yep, I haven't belonged there and everyone will notice me - and it doesn't matter one damned bit at all.
I'm not fooling anyone, and I don't give a damn anymore. I'm not there for them. I'm there for me.
And so are you.
Keep it up, dude.
...the "Inner F*CK IT". I LOVE it!!!
Truth is, Kevin, while you were probably the biggest guy there (talking height here), you weren't the fat guy. I don't know if you've seen yourself lately, but you're not fat anymore. Let's go again this weekend. I'll work out WITH you this time.
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