It Stops Here

I've had enough.

The stress has been KILLING us lately. So many things are a mess right now, I wouldn't know where to begin in explaining it all. I do know that my family is in turmoil, and we're doing all we can to keep our heads above water. It's a bad situation.

Unfortunately, it's nothing we haven't been through several times in our six years of marriage. And while it sucks beyond description, we always seem to make it through.

But we've been letting this control us, and we can't do that. The one thing we can control right now is our health. In all honesty, it seems like everything else in our lives is dependent on someone or something else. But we decide what we eat. We decide how much we eat.

And we've been making awful decisions.

I weighed myself for the first time in a week today. What I saw made me sick to my stomach. Did I jump back over 290? Not quite. But it was about as close I could come, and as close as I ever want to be again.

289.0.

If you're anything like me, you just threw up in your mouth a little.

So now I'm backed against a wall. There are only two options: Get pushed right through that wall, or push back. Getting pushed through that wall will result in a 290, maybe a 300. That's a place I can never go back to.

So, today I push. I'm not going to make any bold declarations. I'm not going to promise to be X pounds by X date. I'm just going to do better. I am going to stop with the late junk runs. I'm going to stop with the "extra" turkey burger. I'm going to stop with the excuses.

I've been in the 280's since late January. Think about that for a second. For the last five months, I haven't lost a single pound. In fact, in December, I was holding in the mid-270's. So, I've actually put anywhere from 8-14 pounds back on, depending on the day.

I lost 94 pounds at my lowest. Hooray for me, right? Yeah, it's a nice accomplishment, and it means exactly nothing right now. I quit on myself, and now I'm headed back in the wrong direction. 94 is nice, but 126 was my goal. Today, I sit back at 77 pounds lost. That means I still have 49 to go.

So here I go...