Quickly...

I'm starting to right the ship. I'm down four pounds in three days, now sitting at 283.6 after another bad stretch.

Here's what Becky's doing:



After just four days, she totally crossed me over yesterday.

I'm working out with her tonight, and we both worked ourselves pretty hard playing yesterday. I'm hoping this is the boost I'm needing.

Familiar Territory

Nothing to be proud of, but the last two weeks have reminded me very much of the life I described in THIS POST - my first here on this blog.

But I can feel the momentum shifting, and I think that I'm close to really zeroing back in.

Some things to note:

Becky is starting a super-cool and confidential training regimen at the Troy Rec Center on Monday. She's going to get her ass worked off. It's part of a 90-day "diary" that we'll be running in MiSports Magazine.

We bought some resistance bands tonight. Nothing that will turn us into body builders, but we felt the need to try something new.

We need to do something. Not long ago, we'd spend our evenings walking, boxing, etc. Now we spend them snacking, watching movies - the things that got us in this mess in the first place.

Just hanging on right now...

"Ms. Abdul? You're on in five..."

One step forward, two steps back.

I'm a mess right now. No solutions. No answers. Nothing is going right on just about any level of life. A lot of confusion and cloudiness. I need to focus. Soon.

I'm Better Than This

Right?

Ugh.

The Mental Battle

My official weigh in will come shortly, but out of the gate this morning I was 285. Now, that's just about enough to drive me to a buffet. But this is where I need to be strong mentally. I KNEW this was coming, even though I was hoping it wouldn't. To jump up 1.6 for 120 calories annoys me to no end...

But I have to put my head down and keep moving.

In The Books

Day 2 is done, and I give myself a B-.

I went over my calories by about 127. My max should be 2250, and I ended the day at 2377 after a handful of animal crackers. I don't think it's a huge issue, as I was almost 800 under that number yesterday. The good ole' zig-zag.

Also wasn't active enough today. I'm pretty sore from my push ups yesterday, so I couldn't get myself motivated to do more today. Plus I had a whopping four hours of sleep last night, so the energy level was low. Kudos to Beck for gymming it up, anyway.

Lastly, I also didn't have ANY water today. Nothing but diet pop and milk, which probably isn't a good thing. I'll be sure to gulp a little extra agua tomorrow.

So, if you take an A+ and a B- minus and average it out, you're looking at an A (ish), so I'll take that after two days.

On another note, I hope everybody is doing alright. The blogs have been eerily quiet over the last two weeks. Here's to hoping everybody is chugging along and doing alright. If you read this, blog it up! We could always use some more "voices" out here.

Let's Go, Baby

I was all over this yesterday. If anything, my calories were probably a little low, as I ended the day at 1,472. Went back to my old-school push up routine. Not as strong as I used to be, but that's about to change.

Yesterday's weight? 286.6
Today? 283.4

I'm bracing for anything, as I've dropped 3 pounds before, only to put four back on for no reason. I have to barrel through anything this time around. It's not going to be a two pound-per-day loss every day, and some days I might even put weight on after doing everything right. I need to focus on the long-term, now.

It's our anniversary this weekend. We're dropping the kids with my dad tomorrow through Sunday, and we are going to make the most of it. We're going to see John Heffron, one of my writers at MiSports Magazine, on Saturday, and we're planning a day of hoops and movies on Friday. We decided last night that we're NOT using this weekend as an excuse eat poorly. In fact, it's going to be a show of our wills. I'll be upset at myself if I've put weight on when Monday morning comes. In fact, I'd kind of like to see a 279 on Monday.

Also, I've set a new (and lofty) goal. In addition to hitting my ideal weight of 240 by 10.31, I'd also like to be at 11.5% body fat. I have NO idea if that's even possible. Last I checked I was at roughly 21%, so I don't know if I can drop 10% in five months. Even if it's physically impossible, it's a good goal.

So, here's to Day Two. Let's keep moving...

A Message from my Body...

Here I sit, still comfortably in the mid 280's.

What I noticed today, from the deepest part of my being, is that I just don't care anymore. I don't. Buffets? Bring it. Candy? Sweet. Ice Cream? Cool. Workout? Nah.

I don't know what the deal is. The fire is 100% out. There's no gas in the tank. Insert any number of quitter cliche's here.

I have no drive.

So, it's up to me to FORCE myself to keep going. Dieting isn't easy. Transforming your life is not an overnight job. Do I want that Will Smith-type body on my banner? Yes. But I've been hoping it would just magically appear, and I could keep eating like crap and being lazy.

Well, I think it's safe to say that magic isn't something I should count on.

And so, for the 143rd time in the last 18 months, I'm starting over. It's Day One again. I'm talking literal Day One - pics, measurements - the whole deal.

I have to look at it like this from now on: I have not lost any weight. There was no 366. I weigh 285+ pounds, and I need to drop 45 or so pounds to get to where I want to be.

This is going to be a challenge in the truest sense of the word. I find myself at a crossroads.

"Two roads diverged in a wood, and I - I took the one less traveled by, and that has made all the difference."