A Basketball State of Mind

While I'll look more like this:

Than This:
...I am getting myself stoked to play basketball next week. I haven't played in about four years, but back in the day, I was alright for a lanky white boy. Alright post-up game, decent mid-range jumper, and the occasional triple.

But I excelled in shot-blocking. The last time I kept track was in a league I played in right after marriage - when the weight first started coming on. I usually swatted around four per game - though I was easily 6" taller than almost any other player in the league.

For the record, I'm breaking out the Fab Five era black socks.

I'm for real, yo.

Me and Candy

Click to enlarge. and don't miss the post below this one.

A Good Day

Went to the gym, and killed myself.

Dumbbell Chest Presses, 3x8 with solid weight (higher than I planned)
Seated Cable Rows, 3x8 with good weight
Double-arm Curls, 3x10 with nice weight (but not great)
Machine Flys, 3x10 with decent weight (also not great)
Knee Raises, 3x10
Elliptical, 7 minutes

The Elliptical doesn't sound like much, but my longest ever on that machine is like 4 minutes before today, so I was kind of surprised I went 7.

I'll also do some crunches tonight - 3x20.

Here's my problem:

I keep seeing myself as the 365-pound dude that started this whole thing off. If I still had 120 pounds to lose, I don't think I'd have the energy or focus to do it. But I'm 35-40 pounds from my lowest and healthiest weight ever. I don't need to start a 12 to 15-month journey right now. I need to buckle down and stick to this program for eight weeks or so. I need to hit the gym 4-5 days a week, and hit the heavy bag or play basketball the other days, saving a day or two for rest each week. And I need to eat right. That might be my biggest issue right now.

In theory, at the end of those eight weeks, I'd be in a good spot.

Maybe not Will Smith-Good, but good.

Dude...

All I've had is an apple and two small pieces of left-over pizza. I want more.

Ugh.

Today was my first trip to the gym in over six years. Last time I was there I was 250 pounds, benching in the 220's for reps, and seeing signs of definition.

Times have changed.

It's been so long that I knew how to do very little outside of push-ups. There was a group of about 12 kids - probably high school football players - who didn't move from the dumbbells and benches once during my trip there. There wasn't a single fat dude in the place. Well, besides me. Every guy there was fit, and seemingly strong.

As it ends up, I found a few machines to use, and I benched, rowed, and pressed various parts of my upper body, and I'm feeling pretty sore right now.

But I admit that I was way intimidated.

That's not an easy thing for me to admit, either. I'm 6-8, I have a shaved head, I run a magazine, I've interviewed professional athletes...and I've never felt as intimidated as I did today. It wasn't a good feeling.

I felt stared at. I felt fat. I felt embarrassed. I felt like the odd guy.

According to my Men's Health personal trainer thing (very cool - worth the 30-day trial), I'm supposed to play at least 30 minutes of basketball tomorrow. No chance of that, as I have no access to an indoor gym, and it's supposed to be snowy and rainy tomorrow. So, I'll have to figure something else out.

And then I have to go back to the gym. It's going to be hard to get back there.

I hope I can do it.

From A to B

Here's where I am now:


Here's where I want to be:


I start my first gym membership at Fitness 19 tomorrow, and I joined Men's Health Personal Trainer (30 day free trial) to steal some workout ideas and fitness tips. It's pretty gimmicky, but I need to pull out all the stops this time around.

I'll admit, I jumped back up over 280 after five PERFECT days, and I just couldn't deal with it, so I let myself go. Not proud of it, but it is what it is. So, I'm considering not weighing myself for 14 days. Not today, not tomorrow...not until March 30. If I work my ass off, then jump back into the 280s again, I don't think it would end well.

So, here's to another restart. I don't like the Square One thing, but I guess it's better than just quitting.

Small victories.

Fat Rocky

It was going to be Rocky VII, but they lost interest.

Making Strides

Day Three
Today's Weigh In: 277.2
Goal Weight: 260.6
Days to Goal: 52
Pounds per Day Needed: .36

Today's loss: 1.0
Total Pounds Lost: 3.4
Total Average Loss: 1.13ppd

Slow but sure, people. That's the way to do this, I think. I'd have nothing against dropping eight pounds tomorrow morning, but we all know that it just doesn't happen - unless you're on The Biggest Loser.

For the record, if I keep this pace up, I'll weigh 215 pounds on April 18. So, I'm kind of hoping the pace slows a bit once I hit the 240's. Maybe I'll toss in some twinkies soon, just to make sure I don't lose too much too fast.

Of course, I'm joking. Mostly.

I'm in a pretty good mood about all of this, and I'm feeling that momentum creeping back. That said, there's a pretty big obstacle right in my path.

On Sunday, a couple of my old friends from college are coming over for a day of Xbox, movies, drinks and ... pizza. It's been long established that they'd come over for pizza and drinks, so switching it up on them now and serving brown rice under a roasted chicken breast might be annoying.

My plan? Eat some pizza. Pizza, in and of itself, is not the issue. My inability to control how much of it I put in my body has been the issue. I'm not going to live life as a prisoner to "health" food, but I'm no longer a slave to the crappy stuff, either. So, a smaller breakfast, an apple for lunch, and a couple pieces of pizza for dinner. I bet I can still keep my calories where they need to be, not go hungry, and not overdo it.

In other news, we picked up a $5 food dehydrator a couple of days ago, so I'm anxious to try some things I wouldn't normally eat. I HATE raw bananas and pineapple, but I'll eat it dried. We can also make our own turkey jerky, among other things.

So, there's that.

Alright, everybody have a good weekend, and let's make sure our weigh-ins on Monday are lower than they were today! No looking back.

The Danger Zone

When is it for you? For me, it's right around 9pm.

It hits me out of nowhere. I'll be on the couch with my laptop, innocently getting some work done, and then it attacks - cravings. Nasty, heartless, violent cravings.

In recent weeks and months I'd give in to said cravings with cookies, ice cream, candy, pizza - it's been bad. Even when it's not "bad", it's not "good", as I'll often binge on PB sandwiches, wheat chex, or even Kashi bars. Not BAD food, but too much of the good food. That can be almost as bad.

I think the Danger Zone is going to be my biggest challenge on my quest to drop 20 by 4-18.

I'm alright during the day. I can keep control when I have kids to watch, or deadlines to meet. But when the house gets quiet, and I can go off into my own little world. it gets tough to focus.

So, Danger Zone? I'm aware of you. You have no power over me! I am free from your bondage! Plus I got all the crap out of the house.

Anyway, today's numbers are nice. Not great, but nice. I'm ahead of my .36 average needed to lose the 20, though I'm sure that will level off one of these days.

Day Two
Today's Weigh In: 278.2
Goal Weight: 260.6
Days to Goal: 53
Pounds per Day Needed: .36

Today's loss: 1.6
Total Pounds Lost: 2.4
Total Average Loss: 1.2ppd

Now, tell the truth: Is Kenny Loggin's "Danger Zone" in your head right now?

Minor Victories

So, didn't hit the bag last night, but I'll be doing it here shortly. The truth is, Beck and I have had a nasty few days at work, and by the time the kids went to bed last night, we were in relax mode - for the first time in two weeks.

So, we tossed in Rescue Dawn (decent flick), put our feet up, and then went to bed. So, the workout portion of the program is off a day, but fear not - I'm all over this. We got another 5" of snow last night, so I'll shovel today, too.

My eating was good yesterday, but I ate too late. I had a handful of nuts and a small bag of jerky after 10 last night, so the weigh-in isn't as nice as I'd like it to be.

But this whole things isn't about losing 12 pounds in a day, though that would be nice. It's about doing all of the little things that add up to the big loss we want.

It's like playing with Lego blocks. Most of those blocks are pretty small. There are a few larger blocks mixed in, but the majority are pretty small. But when you start connecting them - adding one on top of the other - over time, the creation grows.

So, here's to playing with Lego's. One at a time, let them build, and let's get our masterpiece.

Today's Weigh In: 279.8
Goal Weight: 260.6
Days to Goal: 54
Pounds per Day Needed: .36

Today's loss: .80
Total Pounds Lost: .80
Total Average Loss: .80

Away We Go...

Today's Weigh In: 280.6
Goal Weight: 260.6
Days to Goal: 55
Pounds per Day Needed: .36

Today's loss: N/A
Total Average Loss: N/A

Tonight: Heavy Bag (3-minute rounds)
Tomorrow: Dumbbell Work
Thursday: Off
Friday: Heavy Bag (3-minute rounds)
Saturday: Dumbbell Work

The Goal

The post below this one is the meat, but consider this the potatoes.

The launch party for MiSports Magazine is April 18th at Eden in Ferndale. There are going to be hip, sexy people there. I know, because I looked at the photos from past parties.

If I look then like I look now, I'll be embarrassed. So, here's my somewhat crazy, yet attainable goal:

Lose 20 pounds in 56 days.

I didn't weigh in this morning - trying to avoid the painful truth - but I want to drop 20 pounds from whatever I weigh tomorrow morning by April 18th.

After losing zero pounds in three months, this could be tough.

Call to Arms

Listen, people. I pride myself on being a leader in my everyday roles. I love to set the tone, and lead by example. I want people to look to me for guidance. I want to do the right thing, and inspire others to do it, as well.

And here I am sucking like a Hoover in my weight loss journey.

I'm done with that.

Respect and leadership roles are things that are earned, and now it's time for me to earn them both from my fellow members of the Coalition.

Winners want the ball in their hands when the game is on the line. They want - NEED - the pressure of others relying on them, and looking to them for an example. Well, I weigh the same now that I weighed in December, when I was still doing well. In truth, I weigh more. For me, the game is on the line.

I can list a good 8-12 excuses - all valid - for my recent failures. Sickness, moving, finances...but none of them matter today. All that matters is that I'm sick of being the weak Kevin who eats candy and buffets for no real reason. I miss the active Kevin. I miss the dude who'd do push ups because he wanted to do all he could. I miss the guy who was fired up because he'd lost 90 pounds.

Now, I'm the guy who lays back, does nothing to move forward, and tells people that he lost 90 pounds, as though my goals are met, and I'm satisfied with who I am.

I'm not satisfied. In fact, I still kind of hate who I am - Looks, eating habits, workouts, even my personal life. I'm just not happy with "me." The only way to change that is to do what we all know needs to be done. I need to eat clean. I need to get active. I need to focus. I need to set goals and attack them.

So, let this post serve a call to anybody else who may be feeling like me today. We're struggling. We're tired. Maybe we're lazy. It's tough to stay motivated. It's cold outside. Work has us buried. Time is a luxury. We don't have enough time with our families.

We've all been there. Many of us are there now. But the only way to make those excuses go away is to negate them ourselves. We push forward. We make time. We find ways to get things done. We drop and do 10 push ups. We take the stairs. We eat an apple. We clean out the pantry. We count calories. We drink water.

And then we do it again.

And again.

And the next time we think we've gone as far as we can go? We go a little further.

It's time for me to go further. There's plenty of room on the bus. Hop on and come with me.