Pulling Out All the Stops

Well, I lost ONE pound from playing basketball last night. Better than gaining.

It's time to shock my system into submission, I think. I'm gonna show it who the boss is. I NEED to get out of the 280's. My body has found a nice, little comfort zone somewhere in the 282 - 286 area, and I need to make my body feel very uncomfortable in that zone. It's not welcome here, anymore.

So, today is a fast. Starting with 10pm last night, I'm aiming for a 24-hour fast. I may allow myself some veggies, or an apple tonight at the 24-hour mark, just to get something in my body. But no lunch, no dinner , no snacks - just water and other beverages.

Don't worry, it'll just be a one-day thing, and it's not starving myself to lose weight. It's just giving my body a day to realize it needs to burn all this other crap out to make room for the good stuff.

Am I crazy? Why yes, yes I am.

But desperate times call for desperate measures.

And I think seeing a 279 on the scale would be a big boost for me right now, too. So now I just need to get there.

Ugh

Held steady. And I can't make it to basketball tonight.

Whee.

Is anybody alive? The blogs all seem awfully quiet recently.

Nice

Up 1.4 pounds.

Finding The Passion

No idea where it is. None.

But in the absence of passion, I have to substitute some good, old-fashioned drive. I'm holding steady at 283.4 this morning. Not a good number, but given my choices over the last few days, I'll take it.

I really feared that I'd see a number over 290 this morning. Last time I weighed in, I saw a 287.4, so I'm somehow four pounds down. Again, given the last several days, I'll take it. I don't require an explanation here.

As Beck mentioned on her blog, we have a pretty big shindig to attend on May 9th, and we're having an anniversary weekend thing on the 10th and 11th.

I won't make any specific weight loss goal for the 9th, but we'll say I'd like to be firmly in the 270's by the time we hit the party.

Something I've either forgotten, or never fully grasped, is that this is a battle. On paper, it's calories in vs. calories out, but it never seems to be quite that simple, does it? Life often gets in the way. Stresses, time issues, family problems - none of these things are conducive to steady weight loss. But we all have our issues. How we deal with them defines us on this transformation.

As for me, I wasn't able to play basketball yesterday. A combo of cooler weather and Beck being buried in deadlines kept us home. But I'll play again Tuesday night, and if my Wednesday weigh-in holds to the recent pattern, I'll be down 2-3 pounds after playing.

What does that mean? Well, if I stay perfect through Tuesday, I could actually see my sorry butt out of the 280's this week.

Weak

That's what I am right now. I find myself almost not caring about the weight loss in the midst of everything else I have going on. To be honest, getting to 240 is pretty insignificant in comparison to most of the issues I and my family are facing right now, both personal and professional.

But I also know that my personal health being unimportant to me is how I ended up at 360+.

I'm just not sure what to do. I'm taking the easy way out, and that's not going to get me anywhere. I have five GREAT days, and when I put weight on, I lose control, and I'm back to the beginning. It's one step forward, two steps back right now, and I'm not sure how to break the pattern.

I just can't deal with personal perfection being rewarded by weight gain. I'm not there mentally right now. I don't have the fuel in the tank to push me over that hill. Instead, I stall out, and coast back to the bottom.

I'll go back to playing basketball tonight, and I'll feel great when it's done. I always do. I'll probably have a much-improved weigh-in tomorrow morning, too. And that may carry me over until Friday. But what happens Friday will be up to me. Momentum will only carry me so far.

Right now, I'm breaking my own momentum, and it's going to be my undoing.

I'm concerned with my lack of focus and heart. I'm worried about my lack of determination. I don't like failing, but that's what I'm doing right now.

And I'm not happy about it.

I Got into a Fight with a Chinese Buffet...

And it beat the living hell out of me.

See Beck's blog for the other side of the coin.

Because I Needed to Hear It

A lot of things going wrong for me right now. Life hurts. Same crap, different hour, day, week, month, year. And being as weak as I sometimes am, instead of fighting through, I lie down.

This clip kept popping into my head this morning. Figured I'd post it for us all, just in case somebody else might benefit from it.

Now I need to fight through the weekend.

And This is Why Quitting is So Easy...

I have been PERFECT since Sunday morning. Working out, eating well (one day with high carbs, otherwise spotless), focusing, staying determined - the works.

I had one day of a loss - a good loss at that - and now I've gone back up the last two days. Yesterday didn't bother me so much, as the night before was my excess carb-a-thon. But today? Damn right it bothers me.

I'm up 1.4 freaking pounds from yesterday. Almost two pounds up over the last two days. I'm a pound away from where I unofficially started this last step, though I think I was actually around 288 on Sunday morning.

In fact, this is the third-straight time that I've re-booted, worked hard, focused, and PUT ON weight.

I am so sick and tired of doing well - very well - and ONLY seeing weight gain. It's like there's something wrong with my body. I'm doing the right things, and my body shuts down. I don't get it.

I'm not sore or retaining water.
I've been at 2280 or less for calories the past five days.
I've stayed active.

I've done everything I used to do when I was at Square One last year. Only this time, nothing is working.

It's kind of the story of my life right now. You work hard, put everything into a project, try to get ahead, and something inexplicably keeps knocking you back. One step forward, to steps back - and that isn't an exaggeration. In every area of my life right now I keep fighting to get ahead, and every time, I get shoved back - often landing soundly on my ass.

I'll give this another day or two. Maybe my body is still processing all the carbs from two nights ago, and the weight is still struggling. I don't know. But if I keep this up through the weekend, and I'm still going up, I don't think I'll be able to handle it.

This is getting old.

The Big 4-0...0

My 400th post will be one of the most boring ever.

My weight was back up a little today, but I'm OK with it. We had a big dinner last night, and I ended up going over my 2200 calories by about 200, and it was kind of high in carbs. I still ranked a B+ on Calorie-Count, so I'm not too worried about it. The plan is to stay under 2000 today to even it out.

No problem.

I'll get back to the dynamic push ups today. I was an entirely different kind of sore from doing 70 of those the other day. It was a "deeper" sore, for lack of a better term.

Good News/Bad News Time...

Good News: At post one, I was 360+ pounds, and today, I'm 282.6.
Bad News: I was also 282.6 in September of 2007.

It bugs me that I was as low as 272 last October. To think of all the ground I lost by losing focus and getting lazy. It just irritates me.

But dwelling on the past helps nothing. My job now is to remember the mistakes of the past without letting the effects of those mistakes get me off track. Right now I need to focus on my goals - long term and short term.

Back to work...

Morning Check-In

Weigh in was down THREE POUNDS from yesterday. THREE POUNDS.

So, my goal was to hit 279 by April 30, and I'm now 3.2 pounds away from it on the 16th. Not to get too overconfident, but I like my chances.

And that's six pounds in three days.

In other news, I'm pretty sore from both my push ups and my basketball, but that's no reason to take a day off. So, I'll likely do some more dynamic push ups today (though probably not 70), and I'll try to get the kids out for a walk and some running around this afternoon.

On a side note, if anybody uses Google for their main page, you can now use something called iGoogle. You can personalize your page with feeds, fitness widgets, etc. I'm using one called the Google 15, which keeps track of your moving 15-day weight average I also have fitness tips, motivational comments of the day, etc. It doesn't sound like much, but having everything there on one page is pretty useful.

Alright, carry on, all.

Bounus Post!

The good stuff is in the post below this one...

Better

Four games, played to 15, a good 75 minutes of full-court basketball.

Game one was kind of ugly - we all sucked just a bit.
Second game was better - made a few, missed a few.
Third game was great - blocked shots, tip-ins, jumpers. Shoot, Rob even looked like Chauncey out there, finger-rolling it in traffic. Amazing.
Fourth game was painful - just dead on my feet.

All-in-all, great night. I played with a cold, so I was a little weak to start, but I felt better the longer I played.

I just ate a Clif bar as a late night snack, putting my calories up to a grand total of 1,746. Supposedly I burned about 4,000 today, so we'll see how that translates come weigh-in time.

Also did about 70 counter/stair push ups. Not sure what they're called, but they were the ones where you pushed yourself up about a foot off of the service you were pushing from - dynamic push ups, maybe? Not sure. But they're supposed to add some explosive power to your chestial musculariffic area.

Good day. I didn't even have to use my AK.

Peace out.

Quickie

1. Weight dropped 2.2 pounds this morning.
2. Down 3 pounds since Sunday.
3. Cocoa Puffs is a low-cal snack that ranks an "A" on calorie-count.
4. Fighting off a cold.
5. Hoping to play basketball tonight.
6. Loving eating clean again.
7. Will power is strong right now.
8. Achoo.
9. Bless me.
10. More later, perhaps.

BONUS: Short-term goal - 275 by 5.9.08. That's 10 pounds in 24 days, starting today. Yes, I'm back up that high. Not for long, though. Is 10 in 24 too lofty?

Plugging Along

Not a ton of time, to write, but I just wanted to update everybody. I'm on Day 3 of my reboot, and so far I'm doing well. Calories are in check (I'm counting again!), which is the big thing right now. I just need to get the eating back under control. Passed up cookies several times in many different locations ove the last three days, and the eating has been 100% clean.

Weight dropped a modest .8 today, but a small loss is better than a small gain any day.

I'll drop to the push up position tonight, and I'll do some dumbbell work in the basement, and tomorrow is basketball night. Playing an hour of full court basketball burns an average of 775 calories. Not bad. We played two last week.

Alright, that's about it. Talk to you all soon.

Yep, back to Square One

Enough of this crap. No more fancy writing. No more lofty goals or crazy promises.

Sunday morning I go back to where I started in November of 2006. I count calories. I keep track of my water. I do something active everyday, no matter what. Whether it's dropping a few times for a quick set of push ups, going for a family walk, lifting weights, or playing basketball. I may not have the perfect schedule, but I can do SOMETHING every day.

I've gotten way off track, and I've lost a lot of ground. But, I've been here before. I know that the steps I listed above worked for me, and worked well.

My only goal is to see a 240 on my scale by the end of October of this year. That gives me about six months to lose roughly 45 or so pounds.

I have no doubts that I CAN do it, I just don;t know that I will. This is going to be a daily battle with myself, my cravings, and my lack of desire. My focus is way gone, and I've got to get it back.

Best place to go to figure that out is the beginning.

Square one.

And here I am.

By the way, the site isn't done. The banner will be all finished by morning, and all will be snazzy.

Chutes and Ladders

I just realized that I'm playing a game of Chutes and Ladders with my weight loss.

Today my weight dropped 3.2 pounds from yesterday after a second 100% clean day, and a great cardio workout playing basketball with Rob last night.

Ed's Note: I played much better last night, though I still air-balled several shots, and my body refuses to jump when my brain tells it to. It'll come back with time.

Back to Chutes and Ladders...Today was a ladder day. I took a big step forward by eating clean, being active, drinking water, etc. I was rewarded with a nice number on the scale. But in C&L, one wrong roll of the dice, and you slide down a chute that can set you back 3-4 moves. Lately, I've been chuting it up with the best of them.

The obvious difference is that C&L is a game of chance, and this weight loss thing is based on our choices. My bad decisions have been pushing me down the chutes, not bad luck.

You see where I'm going with this. It's the "one step forward; two steps back" scenario. I just have to get my mind right here. I need to be sure that every week I've taken more steps forward than I have back.

Sounds simple enough.

Dear Rob,

Please promise me something. If I come to your church tonight, and I proceed to suck like an industrial strength Hoover, please don't post how ugly I was on your blog page. There is a very good chance I'm going to embarrass myself tonight, and I'd like to know that the following things are NOT taking place:

- Secret video taping or live streaming of my performance
- Recording the audio of me swearing and crying because I blow so badly
- Any photos being taken
- Inviting people to the gym specifically to watch me make a fool of myself

As long as I can blow in private, I'm OK with it.

------------------

In all seriousness, I'm looking forward to tonight. I've been sore since Saturday, and I'm still feeling it in my ankles and shins/calves. But that's a good thing, I suppose.

As for other things, yesterday was a 100% clean eating day. My first in a long time. There is a plate of homemade Snicker Doodles sitting in the kitchen, and I went the entire day without so much as looking at one. The two times the thought entered my mind to go grab one, I grabbed an apple, instead. It's 10:40 AM, and I've had two pieces of PB toast on whole wheat. No cookies. For lunch, I'll be eating the inside of a chicken pot pie - carrots, green beans, red potatoes, and chicken all mixed up in a bowl with a little bit of chicken-broth based "gravy." No cookies. In fact, It's my goal to not have a cookie until Friday night after dinner. And then it'll be just one - maybe two, depending on my intake the rest of the day.

Beck and I talked about this yesterday, and we've noticed that starting this whole life transformation process was MUCH easier than continuing it. The willpower is absent. The focus is faint, at best. We started with a fire, and now we're trying to find our kindling.

My goal right now is to focus on today, not me at 240. It's cliche' to say it, but this really is a day-by-day thing. If you look too far down the road, you're more likely to trip over your own feet.
Yesterday was perfect, and today has been spotless thus far, as well. But it's not even noon, and I can't let my foot off the accelerator for a second. You cruise, you lose.

It's my hope that stringing together a few perfect days will be enough to light the fire again.

Editor's Note: I swear I've written this exact blog, or some variation of it, at least a dozen other times in the last 18 months. That probably isn't good.

Turning it Up a Notch

So, I found myself feeling pretty depressed about my basketball performance yesterday. The odd thing was that my brain knew what to do, but my body was a step behind.

Don't fall for ball fakes.
Don't let your legs cross when shuffling side-to-side.
Time your jump right, block the shot.

And my mind was telling my body to do just that - and my body obeyed...but slowly. And the few times my body was quick to respond, it didn't respond well enough. More than once I knew - KNEW - I timed a jump perfectly to block a shot. And I honestly noticed a strong feeling of disbelief when the shot sailed easily past my out-stretched arm.

I felt old, slow, and out of shape. These are not good things to feel when you're trying to get yourself back into playing shape. I kept telling myself that it would be much worse if I were still in the 360's, but that was more to convince me than it was "proof" that I had greatly improved my health.

Long story short (too late!) I'll be changing my workout to a basketball conditioning routine. For one hour each day I work out, I'll be focusing on the great game of basketball. First 30 minutes will be dedicated to getting my shot back - jumpers, low-post moves, etc. The second 30 minutes will consist of 30 minute's worth of the following drills:

Drills sure to kick my ass

Specifically, I'll concentrate on any drill that emphasizes sprints or quick movements. One that I NEED to do that isn't listed on that page is the backboard tap. I'll stand under the backboard, and quickly hop 30 times to tap the bottom of the backboard. Seems pretty simple, but 3-4 rounds of that and your legs start burning. But it's great to increase your jumping height and speed.

In between each round of cardio drills, I'll drop for 10 push ups. I'll also continue to work weights at the gym another 2-3 days per week.

My hope with all of this? By linking my workouts to a game I absolutely love, I'll see it as more fun than work. I'm all for work, but I've proven recently that my motivation isn't there, and I need to find a way to get it back.

Guess we'll see how it works, huh?

Game on.

I played basketball yesterday...

And I have a lot in common with this:
It's been four+ years since I've played, and it showed yesterday. Ugly. Very ugly. Rob and his buddies have NOTHING to worry about. Yes, I'm 6-8, but that does not translate directly into basketball talent.

Prepare to be amazed at my lack of hoops ability.

Can't Explain It...

But I feel focused and driven today. More so than usual. Gonna meet up with some friends at ITC Sports Park in Novi (Coalition is very invited - meeting at 3) to play some basketball, toss a football around, etc, so I know that is helping. Playing again on Tuesday night. Also helping.

Now I just need to combine the focus and determination with drive, and push this through from the "I think I can" stage to the the "I'm doing it" stage.

I looked at some images on my MySpace page (yes, MySpace), and I noticed something. In my pic of me at my lowest (272), I look as good or better as the picture of myself I've been kind of using as my fuel. I think I was about 255 at the time.

It's tough to see the details, but here's the side-by-side:


So, in theory, if I can get into the 250's, stay active, work out, lose fat, I'd look worlds better at 255 this time than I did seven years ago. And in the 240's, I might be right where I should.

The goal is attainable. I just have to make the decision that I'm going to get there.