Rollin'

1. Down another 2.2 from yesterday, planting me firmly back in the 280's. A LONG way to go, but it feels good to be back.

2. Two buckets of candy remain 12 feet from me. I had none yesterday, and I'll have none today.

3. We wanted pizza last night. We didn't have any.

4. There's still a cookie in the house. It's been there for 48 hours.

5. I have a cold, so I'm feeling crappy. Still, I made myself get up and do three sets of push ups last night.

fin

Update

I won't get into the back-and-forth that would be sure to follow concerning the whole "all food is either good or bad, letting your kids eat a cookie makes you a bad parent" thing. We'll just say that without self-control and moderation, there's no point in free will. My kids will be raised with the ability to make their own choices. It's my job to educate them so they make the right ones. Having cookies in the house isn't bad. Not being able to control yourself around cookies is. There's a big difference. Unfortunately, I'm still working on that "control" part of it. And until I am back to where I can eat in moderation, and resist the urges, I don't want any more cookies in the house.

Anyway, I had a perfect day yesterday. Calories were immaculate. Lots of water. And some of those aforementioned cookies were in the house when I got home last night, and I didn't even touch one.

Dropped 2.8 pounds from yesterday, which now puts me a little over a pound down from where I was on Monday morning. Tuesday's slip-up really screwed me over, but I've corrected that damage, and am moving forward.

Hoping to get a long family walk and some push ups in tonight, while keeping my eating at 100% again today.

That is all. We'll talk later, I'm sure.

EDIT

It should be noted that I'm sitting no more that 12 feet from three HUGE bowls of candy that somebody in the office brought it. My challenge for the day? Don't touch a single piece.

EDIT V2.0

I know nobody said I was a bad parent. Just tossed it out there as a basic, blanket statement.

It's Easier to Slip Up than it is to Get Up

One night. One craving. That's all it takes.

Yesterday was perfect until just after dinner. There were cookies in the house (curse you, wife of mine!), and I had a long day, but with low calories. So, I figured it would be alright to have a quick one. Then two. And three. And five. Later, reasoning that I already screwed up, I had a protein bar. And a bowl of Cheerios.

The only good news from this is that I'm PISSED this morning. Downright LIVID, actually. I truly want this again, but I'm coming to the realization that all the work I've done - internally and mentally - over the last 20 months is either buried under my new fat, or it's gone. It's like I have to start from the beginning, even in the mental game. I shouldn't HAVE to, as I know all of this. I know what I need to do. I know how to eat. I know how to pass on temptations. I know how to replace bad foods with good. But it's like I have to train my body to do all those things all over again.

It was a bump. It got my attention. It was like falling asleep at the wheel, and having something shock you into complete alertness.

Not doing this again.

So, I'm back on my feet after a disgusting night and morning. My calories WILL be spot-on today. I WILL do some more push ups tonight. I WILL do what needs to be done.

I can't let this derail me. I know you need 7 good days for every 1 bad day to be effective. Well, last night was my bad day. So, I'm at 2 good, 1 bad right now. I need five more days of good.

Not a problem.

Let's keep moving...

Making it Happen

Woke up at 6:30, and decided to get up and shower so I could chill before I went to work.

While in the bathroom, I looked at my gut and decided I could lounge after work.

I only had 30 minutes to work with after I got dressed, so I did the best I could with what I had - which used to be my motto as I was losing 94 pounds. So, I grabbed Spike, and we went for a quick, brisk mile walk. Would have been further, but the dog had to use the grass a lot. But we went exactly a mile in 20 minutes, and I made sure it was fast enough of a pace to make me pant and sweat a little.

When we got back, I dropped down and did 3 sets of pushups, then I finished the morning off with a Kashi bar and bottled water.

Not the most amazing workout ever, and I wish I could have done more, but from a mental standpoint, it was a pretty big win for me, so I'll take it.

So, a good start to the day after a perfect day yesterday (I had 104 ounces of water!). And I'll likely do something else active tonight - maybe more pushups, maybe a family walk, I dunno.

Have a good Tuesday, all.

Well...

I should be wearing 40's today. These 38's just aren't letting the blood flow. But I refuse. I said I'd never wear size 40's again, and I meant it.

Talked to Rob over the weekend. He and I will be checking in with each other throughout the day via email to make sure we're both doing alright.

I'll be drinking 80 oz of water a day. I'll be counting every calorie. I'll be making sure these 38's fit great again.

Shoot, I might just get crazy and what 36's have to offer me.

Let's rock, FAT. No more excuses. No more days off. No more spinning our wheels.

I've been the master of all of those recently. But not anymore.

And here...we...go...

Good News!

I looked back over old blog posts, and I haven't gained a pound in the last year! That's right, I weigh the same thing today as I did this time last year. That's great!!

Oh...

But I had also lost another 20 pounds by the middle of the fall. So, in reality, I've put 20 pounds back on.

Idiot.

I swear I'm trying. I just have to force my way through this mental block I've got going on. I'll figure it out. I just need to do it soon.

A Few Things...

Weighed in for the first time in what seems like forever today - 290.4.

Yeah, it's bad, but I was actually afraid that I was nearing three bills, again. So, I'm kind of relieved. Plus, it's not a fully accurate weight, as my stomach is having issues, and I'm thinking there's an extra pound or two in there. Gross.

Tonight, it's a mandatory 45-minute family walk, and before Beck and I relax tonight, I have to do 4 sets of 10 pushups.

I'm pressing through this the best I can, but I feel good. I think I'm gonna be alright.

Also, check this link out from FOX NEWS. Scary stuff. I don't ever want to be back there again.

Also from FOX NEWS, another good reason to get my butt moving. My mom was diagnosed at 53, one of the youngest with it in Michigan at the time. Because she had Early-Onset, I, my brother, and my daughters are twice as likely to have it as the average person reading this blog. It got my mom, and I'm not gonna let it get us.

Lastly, an interesting take on the fad diet phenomena over the last 10 years. At least two of these sound like something I'd be willing to try, though the first might have more risk then reward.

Later, all.

Forcing My Hand

I just cannot get control of the cravings and laziness right now - not of my own free will. So, I'm making myself do it. I brought to work no lunch, no money - just carrots and water. I may call this 24-hour period (beginning at 10 last night) a 24-hour detox. Nothing but veggies, juice, and water.

I need to MAKE myself string 3-4 days together. If I do that, it my create the momentum I need to get the train rolling, again.

Another Reason the World Needs Shift...

I purchased a Men's Health tonight in an attempt to get myself focused and fired up. As I flipped through the pages, I realized I've read just about all of this a dozen times before.

This magazine, and it's 200-ish pages, nearly never have anything truly new inside it.

Seriously, it's the same stuff over and over and over. And over. The market needs a 96-page, focused, health & fitness magazine that branches out into areas besides workouts and sex advice.

There can be something better...

...and with an investor, I can make it happen.

Making it Happen

Man, I am so far off track it isn't even funny.

I'll spare everybody further "poor me" crap, as going over that really isn't going to help anybody at this point.

Here's the deal: Beck and I realized that we are both 90% back into the mindsets that got us to the point where we needed to lose weight in the first place. Bad day? Eat! Great day? Eat! Workout or DVD? DVD! It's so screwed up, people.

So, without the need to expound, and without using my pretty words, I'm just going to say this: I have to decide what I want. Do I want to look like that dude over there -------------->

Or do I want to look like me?

So, I have to get back to what I KNOW works. I have to count calories, and keep it at 2400 or under NO MATTER WHAT. I have to drink more water. I have to look at a Kashi bar as a treat, not a bag of after dinner mints. I have to get back to having a cheat meal once every 10 days or so, not having a good meal every 10 days or so. I have to get my butt moving again. I have to sweat.

I've been here a dozen times in the last few months. I have to put a stop to it.

So today, like so many days before it, is Day One.

Chaos

Over the last 3-4 weeks, my life, and the lives of my family, have been totally tossed upside-down. I won't bore you all with the details, plus I think Beck laid out the basics pretty well last week. We'll just say that I'm scared right now. It would not be an exaggeration to say that a miracle is the only thing that can save us at this point.

So, over this time, I've felt an overwhelming sense of confusion. I literally feel like there are no answers, and if there are answers, I have no idea how to find them. I don't know what to do next. I don't know what to look into. I don't know where to turn. It's hard to explain, and I know I sound somewhat melodramatic, but I just feel like everything is cloudy and foggy, and I can't see what's in front of me - or around me, for that matter.

I don't know what to do, and this is sapping every bit of energy I have right out of me.

No energy to be strong for my family.
No energy to be patient with my kids.
No energy to do what I feel is required of me as a husband and father.

And no energy to take care of myself.

I haven't weighed myself in over a week, so I have no idea how bad it's gotten. I do know that my belt is tight. Some clothes that fit a month ago don't quite fit now. I look and feel week. And I have allowed myself NO control over what I eat. If it's edible, I've scarfed it.

I don't recall the last time I felt this out of control. I'm guessing around the time my mom died. After she passed, I gained over 40 pounds in about 9 months. I can't let that happen again.

So this morning, I got up 15 minutes early, and I went to my basement. There, I made use of what was available to me, and I ripped through 2 quick and restless circuits of band work (underhand rows, butterflies, and the one where you lift the weight to your chin), push ups, crunches, and knee raises. It was only 15 minutes, but I got myself sweaty, I didn't stop, and I wasn't in bed feeling sorry for myself.

As of right now, I cannot control my situation. I'm trying to find work. I'm trying to pay rent. I'm trying to protect my kids from knowing how bad it really is. But I CAN control what I eat, and I CAN control what I do. I might not like it, but I can make the decisions that I KNOW I need to make.

It's not going to be easy, but it has to be done. I have to take control of my life back.

How I Feel Some Days...

Michigan FATters

If I were to start a Saturday get-together thing where we'd play some (competitive) football or basketball, grill some chicken and veggies, and hang out, who would come? We'd meet somewhere central - a park, somebody's house with a big yard, whatever works.

I'm talking every Saturday, from roughly 2-5, or something like that.

Fingers Crossed

Alright, the finishing touches are happening as I type this, but Shift is back.

Check out the new site HERE.

This is not going to be easy. In fact, unless I find an investor to come in and write me a check to make it happen, it might be close to impossible. A LOT of things would have to fall into place, but I think there's room for Shift in today's market.

We shall see.