Not This Week

I don't like losing. I sure don't like being last place in anything. It won't happen again. Mark it down.

You're All Screwed, Now

As (kind of) spoken by John McClane (who I want to be like when I grow up):

"Now I have a mountain bike. Ho-ho-ho."

My weakness in this whole thing has been a lack of desire to do things I hate - running, elliptical, stationary bike, etc. I've always had to enjoy what I was doing for it to take hold. It's a shortcoming, and I've paid the price. Yes, I've lost a rather impressive 63+ pounds since last January, and an also semi-impressive 51+ pounds since Thanksgiving. And I've done it with NOTHING in the way of tools. It's been family walks and push ups. But I could have done much more had I made myself get on one of those machines before now.

Well, the problem is now solved.

I just got back from a 10-mile-ish bike ride, during which I never stopped peddling. Slight inclines, slight declines, didn't matter. I kept pumping the legs. I'm hurting right now, to be honest. About a mile in, my biking muscles were all, "Dude, what the hell??" Coming up my three flights of stairs, my legs all but gave out twice, and as I sit here, they are shaking just a little. I'm not sure I can do this every day right now. I may have to build up. It hurts.

But I love it.

I've always been able to bike. Even when I hit the wall, I'm able to push through and keep going. When I was a kid, I used to pretend I was on CHiP's, and it motivated me to go fast like Ponch and John. That doesn't work as much these days. Still, I made it. I loved it. And now, the weight will melt off this frame of mine.

There were some issues. I'm gonna need a new seat. I've never been to prison, but I have to assume the whole "violation" thing feels similar to that narrow seat getting lodged places upon hitting a bump. And the shifters are screwed up. It only has three gears: "Way easy", "kind of easy", and "Dear Lord, make it stop." But a bad bike is better than a good TV show any day.

I hate to say it, but the GOYADS are screwed. You had a shot before I was mobile, but now it's all over. Ten pounds in July? Pssshhhht. I've got your ten right here, and here's three more. You heard me. Thirteen pounds. Bring it.*

*The following was written while Mr. Antcliff was still in a euphoric state. It's possible he won't remember any of this when he gets out of the shower. He cannot be held accountable for these words. Please don't be mad at him. He knows not what he does.

Guess What I Got??

It looks NOTHING like this, and it needs some serious work, but I needed a pic of a red Mountain bike.

It needs some new handlebars, some brakes, probably a bigger seat, and a good cleaning - but what do you expect for a $20 thrift store bike? I don't think it's quite big enough, either. But I'd rather be a little snug on a bike and getting some exercise than comfy on a couch watching TV.

In bad news, I'm getting frustrated with my weight. Several days ago, Beck and I gave into the stress - again - and we ate too much. We paid for it the next day. My weight was back up to 298.6. That's 5.6 pounds overnight from BBQ wings, ice cream, some drinks, and some candy. I worked my way back down to 297-ish on Monday, 296.8 on Tuesday, 296.2 on Wednesday, 296.2 again yesterday, and I'm back up to 296.4 today.

I ate pretty clean on the 4th - a few chips, one scoop of potato salad, a piece of steak, a deviled egg, and two cookies spread out over three hours. If I went over my calories, it wasn't by much, as I ate accordingly for breakfast and lunch. Plus, we went running Wednesday morning, played "go get it" catch for another 30 minutes, and then we played catch for a while again that evening before the fireworks. Yesterday I ate very clean, but I was probably about 200 calories over my 2,406.

The bike is going to help. It has to. The plan is to ride at least 10 miles every day, seven days a week. I did that when I was in high school, and I stayed in pretty good shape - and that was with a crappy diet. I'd like to think that solid eating, 70+ miles a week on the bike, and other activities with the family (football, walks, etc) will get this weight off pretty quickly.

Let's hope.

Foot Update

Well, after sleeping on it, I have realized that my foot freaking hurts. I am taking this to mean that my foot would greatly appreciate me not using it for activities such as jogging, running football routes, taking long walks, or standing on it for an extended period of time.

That kind of limits my activities, huh?

Now I'm not sure what to do. Running is out. Walks are leaning towards out. No money for a gym (pool!) membership. Same with boxing.

Finding that bike sure would be a good thing right now.

We're going to go to a local pawn shop that sells bikes tonight. Hopefully we'll get lucky and find a big boy bike.

Sometimes it sucks being 6' 8".

Running Wild

Kind of.

This is a picture of a 400m running track, similar to the one at our local high school.


I ran it today, just to see if I could do it. There was about a 15 second period of time where I walked at a very quick pace, but the rest of the time, I jogged.

When I reached the 1/2-way point, the voice of rationalization started spouting off in my head.

"Dude. You went 1/2 way around the track. That's pretty good! Go ahead and walk the rest of the way. You never used to be able to go this far, so be happy. No need to push yourself."

I had no part of that.

It wasn't easy, but I made myself keep moving. I slowed down, sure. But I didn't stop. I don't stop, anymore. I always move forward.

I was actually kind of bummed that I walked those 100 or so feet. I am proud that I was able to go that far, but I wanted to go all the way. Still, I'll take what victories I can get. And I DO see this has a victory for me.

For the sake of numbers, 400m is 1,312.33 feet, just under 1/4 of a mile. My time, including the walking was 2:33. That put me on pace for just over a 10-minute mile. I'm sure I would have slowed more as I fatigued, but I'll take the 2:33 and be proud.

In other news, my foot seems to be holding up, even after running routes for Becky. If we had time, I would have stayed out there catching passes for hours. It's how I am. I sometimes struggle to get going with exercise, but once I get moving, it's hard to make myself stop.

Also, no go on the bike. Which sucks.

Everybody have a good one!

I'm Out

Everybody have a fun, fantastic Fourth! Be healthy, but have a good time.

A Little Less Painful

Weigh In: 294.0 (up .4 pounds)
5-Day: 293.56 (up .12 pounds)

294 is better than 295.4, but it's still painful.

I emailed a guy with two large-framed bikes for sale for $10 each yesterday, but I haven't heard back. That would be a huge difference-maker for me right now. Having a bike would allow me to get away from things for an hour or so a day, it would allow me to work off about 600 calories extra, and it would allow me to feel free once in a while.

It's strange how something as simple as a bike - when attaining one is out of your reach - becomes so important. Right now, a bike is the Holy Grail to my Monty Python. It's the Lost Ark to my Indiana Jones. It's the Red October to my Jack Ryan.

It would be nice.

Pending

I'm not weighing myself again for another hour. I refuse.

Here's the deal: My calories were perfect yesterday. I ate clean, and I came in roughly 200 calories under my target of 2,406. Now, I DID have too many carbs. I had a piece of whole wheat lasagna for lunch, and we had whole wheat spaghetti (with turkey meatballs! Mmm!) for dinner. There's a lot of carbs in Italian food, even if they are good carbs.

But would the carbs make me gain almost TWO FREAKING POUNDS from yesterday? I have a hard time believing that. Yet, my scale read 295.4 this morning.

I'll weigh again in an hour. Maybe I'll lose some weight in the restroom.

Or maybe my body has just decided that 2,400 calories just isn't going to cut it, anymore.

I don't know, but STILL being in the 290's is starting to get frustrating.

I Found It!

It was hidden on the hard drive we moved over to the new computer.

So, allow me to do it right:

Weigh In: 293.6 (wrong way!)
5-Day: 293.44 (new low)

I Hate Days Like This

I have nothing to say. Not a thing. No words of wisdom. No complaints. No issues that need to be dealt with. Nothing. Just....nothing.

Weigh In: 293.6 (wrong way!!!)
5-Day: I have no idea. My computer died, and we lost the spreadsheet. Which sucks.

That's about it, guys. Sorry to bore you today.

Buh-Bye.

The Challenge - Week 1 Numbers

Starting Points

Weigh In: 293.0 (tied for my lowest)
Elevated Feet Push Ups: 10

4-Week Goals

Weight: 282.8
Push Ups: 25

**EDIT**

Feel free to chat about the Challenge at the Shift Forums. You may have to register, and wait for me to approve your account. Please let me know what name you'll be using so I know you aren't a porn spammer. Rob, this means no spamming porn, man.

I'm Too Sexy For This Blog - Blog's Going To Leave Me...

2 Much Drama

OK, I'm not a big fan of drama, especially when it surrounds, of all things, weight loss blogs. I have enough drama to deal with, so I'm gonna go ahead and put my feet up and relax for a couple days until this all calms down.

There just seems to be a lot going on, and the fact that it's resorted to name-calling, accusations, etc, it's just not my style right now. I'm sure everybody has their reasons for acting the way they are, and saying the things they feel they need to say. I ain't mad at ya. I'm just gonna mind my bidness, and worry about my fatness.

I still have a lot of fatness to worry about.

All is well. I'm not quitting. I'm just not going to blog for a few days. No biggie.

Realizations From a Fitter Dude

Just some random, fitness-related thoughts floating through the spare room in my head...

- Change is Only Skin Deep
I've changed A LOT about myself in the last eight months. I think I've become a better husband. I hope I've become a better daddy to my girls. I know I'm healthier and more active. I've tried to become more understanding and caring. I've always put others before myself, but I hope I've done that well enough recently.

Still, I feel like the old Kevin. I don't feel like "I" have changed, I just feel like I'm acting as though I've changed. The shell that holds me looks and acts differently, but I just don't know how much change the person inside has experienced.

Hopefully enough.

- I'm Still Not 'Hot'
Same basic idea as above.

I've worked hard to get to where I am right now. I'm healthier now than I've been in over five years, and I look better today at 293 than I did five years ago at 280. But, having said all that, I'm still not the guy who women whisper about (OK, I am, but not in the good way). And it's not like I'm in the market for anything new. Beck and I have talked about this a LOT over the last year. It's a nice boost to the ego to have somebody tell you you're good looking, sexy, hot, whatever. Beck was told that she resembles JessicaBiel from 'Stealth' a few days ago. Whether or not she believed it, you have to assume that hearing a comment like that makes you feel pretty freaking good.

I don't want to be the hot one for anybody but myself. I want to feel good about who I am, and what I look like. I don't want to impress anybody. I don't want to get hit on. But I want to hear that what I'm doing is really turning me into the person I want to be.

I guess having a realization like this is good. It keeps you from really feeling good about where you are. You don't push as hard when you're content, I suppose. And as long as I still feel like I'm fat (hello! I'm still a good 35 pounds overweight!), I'll keep trying not to be.

This whole "ugly friend" thing has followed me since high school. All of my friends were the ones who got the girls, and the girls would come to me and ask me to tell my friends that they were hot. It got old after about eight years. It's just something that will bug me for a long time, I have a feeling. They say that the person you were in high school is the same person you are now, but they are buried under the layers of life you've added on. That's too bad, because I was never a big fan of high school Kevin.

Oh well. This transformation is all about change. So now I can invent the person I want to be.

Life isn't about finding yourself. Life is about creating yourself.

- I Make Excuses
I do. It's bad sometimes.

The truth is, my foot STILL hurting from Saturday worries me. The last thing I need is a reconstructive surgery to repair my other two reconstructive surgeries.

So, I say I have to have a bike, or I can't exercise anymore. A bike would be very nice right now, yes. But I can walk. I can find an hour at night to go to our clubhouse and get on the elliptical. But I keep coming up with reasons why I can't do that. Some are legit, others are...not so much.

I might be the only Coalitioner without a gym, or a trainer, or with kids at home that I care for all day, or no bike, or no workout friends, etc, but I can make time. I can find the energy. It's mind over matter, and the matter is winning most days.

Could my situation be better? Yup. Could I do better with what I have to work with? Yup.

- I Want More From Life
Duh. Don't we all?

I've been through this before, but I'll quickly re-hash it.

I love my three girls more than anything in the universe. I am honored that I'm one of very few dads who get to spend all sorts of time with his daughters. I love having no schedule to live by. I love a lot of things about my life.

But I'm not who I want to be. I want to publish magazines. I want to be a writer. I want to provide amazing things for my family. I want to be "known."

I've always wanted to go into a Target, buy some Fruit of the Loom Boxer-Briefs, put my credit card down, and have the cashier say something like "Wait. Kevin Antcliff? THE Kevin Antcliff from '___________'? Wow. I love your stuff!"

It's that ego thing again, and I know that. But how cool of a feeling would that be?

Still, it would pale in comparison to making my family happy, and keeping them stress-free. I want to be a provider. I want to be the big, strong caveman who brings home the tiger that I killed with my bare hands.

Ugh.

- I Come Across Like a Whiner
And I don't mean to. It's my blog, so sometimes I ramble. What good is a blog if you can't share how you feel, r what you're thinking? These are some of the battles I fight everyday during this transformation, so I might as well discuss them, huh?

That's it. Everybody have a good one, and I'll talk to you tomorrow.

-KA

I'm Back

Weigh-In: 293.4
5-Day: 295.16

Took a few days off to clear my head, and let my increasing weight fester a bit.

I weighed in as high as 296 over the last two days, and it was enough to get my average back into the mid-295's. I wasn't a big fan. I wasn't eating perfectly, but I was staying near my 2,400 calorie level. Also, thanks to the sore sugery foot, I have done exactly sqaut for exercise the last three days.

So what happens today? I get a new low on the scale. I don't understand it, so I just shake my head and get some Cherrio's. If there's one thing I've learned over the last eight months, it's that none of this ever makes sense. I mean, just go read Rob's blog for an example of what I mean. No way should he have put on eight pounds in a week. That's over 25,000 extra calories he would have had to eat in the last six days. Not a chance.

The important thing is that we all keep pushing. Life gets in the way sometimes, but we all need to control what we can control. Things aren't going well for many of us right now, but we can still eat right and stay active. So, that's my advice to you this morning.

Now, on to something a little more fun.

Billy and Kristen are both pretty close to hitting their goals. The rest of us still have a way to go, but we're working on it. My question to all of you is, what are you planning on doing to celebrate?

I used to shave my head whenever I needed to make a change, or when I hit a milestone, but now that I'm pretty much bald, that wouldn't be too drastic of a change.

But I'm submitting to you all the idea that, when you hit your goal weight, you do something crazy to welcome the new you. If you're blonde, you become a brunette. If you have hair, you shave it. Don't have a tattoo of the Old English D on your shoulder, GET one.

That last one might be my plan, but I'm not sure. It's tempting, and it's WAY outside of anything I'd ever really consider doing.

Here's my list of things I think those of us I know best should all do to celebrate their goals:

Billy:
Off with the beard! I wanna see a clean-shaven, 190-lb dude.
Kristen:
Blondes have more fun, so I've been told. Time for you to find out!
Becky:
Black hair would like nice on you. Let's find out.
Rob:
I have no clue. You're bald like me, so a head shave ain't gonna work. You could go the tattoo route, I suppose. You have any suggestions?

And for me? Repping the D from the Mile High City. The Old English D will look nice on my shoulder.

What about everybody else? Any major plans of celebration? Would you like some? I can be pretty creative.

Taking the Bad With the Good

Let me start by talking about Saturday.

I made myself proud, if only for a couple of hours.

As Beck mentioned, she went on a bike ride while I hung with the kids. She then took the kids to her parents' house, giving me some time to do some work. So, I hit the trail. It's roughly a 3-mile circle. I'm not now, nor will I ever be, a runner. But I do what I can.

My goal this time was just to run more than I did last time. So, I started out jogging for 60-90 seconds, then walking for 60 seconds. I started strong, and I followed this pattern for about 2/3 of a mile. I finished the last 1/3 by running for 30 seconds, and walking the rest. Not impressive compared to most of you, but for me, it was pretty good. I ran most of a mile, which I haven't done in a good six years.

I then walked the rest of the 3 miles, coming home in a little over 50 minutes. Not too shabby for somebody who hates it as much as I do.

What made me most proud was that I made sure to take the hard way home - about 2/3 of a mile up a good 8% grade. It was 90 degrees, the wind was blowing in my face, and I was walking uphill at a 3.5 mph pace after running almost a mile. The voice in my head kept telling me to turn around, but I didn't recognize the voice, and I don't talk to strangers. So I kept going the hard way.

Then, a few hours later (after a grilled chicken salad for lunch), we went to the local high school, and we played some catch. It was nothing major, but I was sure to make Becky lead me on some crossing patterns so I'd have to run hard to get to the ball.

Man, I felt like I was 18 again. I was leaping, diving, sprinting, falling - I felt like an athlete for the first time in at least six years. I was making behind-the-back catches, I was leaping backwards - falling on my can - to reach a high pass. I was jumping, turning, and catching a ball thrown behind me. I was a machine. And here's the kicker, I was pushing BECK! I was wiped out, and I could barely move...but I kept running. I kept diving. I kept pushing myself.

It was my proudest moment of this transformation.

Once we got home, I decided to weigh myself. I was 294.0 Saturday AM, so I was hoping for a number that was pretty close. What I got was a 292.4. I was within reach of 290.

Now the bad stuff...

I took Sunday off, mainly because I had 2 reconstructive surgeries on my right foot in the mid-90s, and I was told not to run on it, anymore. Well, it was killing last night. So badly that I iced it. I haven't iced that foot since I was recovering from the last surgery in 1996. So, I'm thinking running might not happen for me. At least not with the kind of stress I put on it Saturday.

And how about my weigh-ins?

Well, I have eaten 100% clean since Wednesday night. My weight was steadily dropping, hitting an impressive 294, and a midday 292.4. So, with my incresed activity, and with my perfect calorie intake, I was looking to see more 292's the last two days.

Instead, I got a 295, and a 295.8. I'm up almost two pounds in two days - my two best transformation days in a month. Today's 295.8 put my average back over 295, and it's my worst weight in six days.

It's just enough bad to overshadow the good. It kind of took the wind out of my sails today, to be honest. I know it's nothing everybody else hasn't had to deal with, but it's still a blow to my motivation.

But, I keep pressing on. I want to see a 289 on the scale by Sunday morning, but I now have over five pounds to lose to get there. Not sure I can make it happen. I can only control what I do and how I eat and hope it all works out.

Guess we'll see.

Must See TV

Weigh In: 294.0 (new low)
5-Day: 295.24 (new low)
Calories: 1,908 (low to make up for 2,900 the day before)

OK, tell me you're not dying to go find and hire these guys after watching these videos. I would KILL for some off-the-wall training like this. And if it made me look like a Spartan (from '300', not East Lansing. I'm a Wolverine, baby), all the better.

Enjoy.

"Floor Wipers"
(What song is that? It's awesome.)


The '300' Workout

For the B Team.

Use this, and you guys will beat us. Seriously. Use this.

Keeping It Short

Weight was back up, but that was my fault. Had a cheat meal that turned into a cheat night. I knew better, and felt like CRAP what I was done, so I deserve the 296.2 I got today. I've got to stop the emotional eating. Good news - eat. Bad news - eat. I have the power to stop it, but I don't. At least not as often as I should.

5-Day still went down, but not as much as I would have liked. It now sits at 296.04. I'll get back on track today and knock down a 294 again tomorrow.

I'm meeting with my boss at the magazine on Monday to discuss a possible expansion of the web site I'm running. It could mean pretty big things. Essentially, MHS.com could be to MHS the Magazine what ESPN.com is to ESPN the network. Much smaller scale, but same idea. That would help me out in many ways.

It doesn't take much to lose your good mood, huh? I started out in one this morning, then it got better when I heard about the web site, but then a dose of reality set in, and I realized I didn't have that much to be excited about today.

Oh, well. Another day, another struggle. It's getting to be normal to just try to keep my head above water, so I'm getting used to this feeling.

Back to treading water.

Dance Break!