Happy Birthday!

My youngest turns one today, and I'm worlds healthier then I was a year ago today. That's a nice gift - for me. Now she'll be stuck with me for years and years.

Anyway, happy first, Gracie!

If you haven't already, please post your weight and body % lost on the post below this one. Thanks!

Today's Stats:

Today's Weigh In: 273.8 (NEW LOW!)
Average Weight: 275.6 (NEW LOW!)
Weight lost today: 1.0 pound!
Loss Per Day Average Since 9/6: .37 (+.05 )
Days Left: 53
Weight Remaining: 15.6
Weight off of my 5 Day since 9/6: 8.6 pounds
Pounds Per Day to hit 260 by 11/22: .29 Pounds
Total Weight Loss: 84.4 Pounds

Perspective

Today's Weigh In: 275.6
Average Weight: 276.6 (NEW LOW)
Weight lost today: .80 pounds
Loss Per Day Average Since 9/6: .34 (+.02 )
Days Left: 54
Weight Remaining: 16.6
Weight off of my 5 Day since 9/6: 7.6 pounds
Pounds Per Day to hit 260 by 11/22: .30 Pounds
Total Weight Loss: 83.4 Pounds

I thought today would be a good time for a little perspective.

In December of 2005, Beck and I decided to try to start losing some weight. We were both lard-o's, and we wanted to be healthy for our (then) only child.

I was in the mid 360's, Beck was in the upper 220's. We needed work.

We were into Biggest Loser at the time, and we saw what was possible with some effort. So, we started eating better, doing on-the-wall push ups, etc. After 10 days of working out, I had "only" lost four pounds, and Beck had "only" lost three.

Crushed by our lack of progress, we quit.

We were uneducated, and TBL was misleading. To this day I still hold a grudge towards the show because of the false hope it gives so many newbies just starting out on their transformation journey. But that's another post.

At one point, Beck and I went for a walk with our daughter. It was a 1.5 mile trip, and I barely made it. I was begging to go home at the half-way point. That night, I woke up with incredible cramping in my legs, and I could barely walk for three days.

It's one of the lowest points in my life.

Fast forward to today. Since then (I'm starting at a weight of 360), I have lost a total of 83.4 pounds, which translates to 23.1% of my body weight. I still have anywhere from 16 to 36 pounds to go, but I am endlessly proud of what Beck and I have accomplished since that period in our lives.

Beck is down 58 pounds, and 25.8% of her starting body weight. She's been amazing.

This entire Coalition has been amazing.

So, today? Sound off. How much weight have you lost on your journey, and what kind of % does that end up being? Post it here or on your blog, but post it for all to see.

Be proud today. We deserve it.

FAT's Running Totals:

Pounds Lost - 505.2
% lost (average) - 23.5

Allow me to explain...

So, several posts ago I wrote about how I decided that 260 was mediocre, and I wanted to look GOOD. Where did that change of opinion come from?

Fight Night 3 on the XBOX 360.

Again not much time, but I wanted to toss these out there.

I "created" myself as a boxer on this game (it looks nothing like me), and my mind started wandering.

"Could I really look like that? I could deal with a chest like that, and abs like those."

And so, here's the cyber version of KA, at roughly 235 muscular pounds.

"Me" after a training session. I'm so tough!


Here "I" am pre-fight. I'm so sexy!


Here, "I'm" dodging some punches. I'm so athletic!

Print Day

Going to print today, so no time to post or comment, but here are my stats for the day.

Today's Weigh In: 274.6 (NEW LOW - WOOHOO!!)
Average Weight: 277.4
Weight lost today: .12 pounds
Loss Per Day Average Since 9/6: .32 (+.00 - yikes)
Days Left: 55
Weight Remaining: 17.4
Weight off of my 5 Day since 9/6: 6.8 pounds
Pounds Per Day to hit 260 by 11/22: .32 Pounds
Total Weight Loss: 82.6 Pounds

OK, That's Better

The meaty post is below this one, so feel free to check it out. I just weighed myself, and I made out OK compared to what I was expecting. I'm actually still on track to hit 260 by Thanksgiving. Barely. Tomorrow, a 275.2 drops off, so getting close to that tomorrow would be helpful.

Today's Weigh In: 276.0
Average Weight: 277.52
Weight lost today: .12 pounds
Loss Per Day Average Since 9/6: .33 (+.01)
Days Left: 56
Weight Remaining: 17.52
Weight off of my 5 Day since 9/6: 6.68 pounds
Pounds Per Day to hit 260 by 11/22: .31 Pounds
Total Weight Loss: 82.48 Pounds

Calling Somebody Out...

Until my other site is set to go, I'll post some updates here when I have five minutes or so. If you all don't mind.

Today, I want to call somebody out who truly deserves it!

Becky.

Hey, loser! Why did you buy that Halloween candy?? Why did you bring a big old bag of Reese's PB cups into the house?? And why did they accompany a bag of candy corn?? What have you done to me???

I hate Halloween. Mainly because I love the freaking candy. So, when Becky decided to bring some candy into the house to test the "new" us, I was OK with it. Surely I could have A piece and leave it at that, right? I mean, after 10 months of this journey, I must have learned something.

Well, the good news is that those bags of candy lasted three full days! The old us would have devoured those things in one night.

The bad news is that those bags of candy only made it three days. I did most of the damage, and I have deservingly paid the price, as my weigh-in has shown over the last few days.

Whenever I start thinking I'm indestructible, it seems that's when I screw it all up.

I mean, I had 269 in my sites. I could have hit my goal of 269.8 by October 10. And then I go and eat 2/3 of two bags of candy in three nights. I went from being proud of losing 10 pounds in a month to hoping I can get back to having lost eight. My average went up a full pound in just four days. That's failure right there.

This weight loss thing really is simple. When I count calories, drink my water, and keep my focus, I lose weight. I just don't get why I allow myself to lose said focus so often. I KNOW I could be at 260 by now, but I've done this so many times that it has set me back a good two months. Maybe more.

So, today I will go through a controlled fast, aiming to stay under 1,000 calories. I'll drink my water (Beck's Women's Health said you should drink half your body weight in ounces - so I need to aim for about 138 ounces per day). I'll get the weight loss train moving in the right direction again.

I need to end September strong. It's been a great month for my weight loss, and I need to keep it that way. Can I see a 273.8 or lower on the scale in the next four days? That's my goal. Guess we'll see. If I can do it, that puts me in GREAT position to hit my 269.8 by October 10.

That date is really important to me. I don't want to miss this one.

Guess we'll see.

Stats coming later.

Striving for Mediocrity - Part II

Let's try this again. My edits are in bold.

That's what I've been doing.

When I started this whole thing, I kept saying that I didn't need to look like a Men's Health cover model, I just wanted to be healthy. And every time I said that, I meant it. I just wanted to get to 260, say I lost 100 pounds, look good in pictures, and call it a day.

But when I was 260, I still had a belly. I had to change my shirt in front of Beck while we were just starting out dating, and I was embarrassed and ashamed. Why do I want to look like that?

And it dawned on me that the only difference between me still looking pudgy at 260 and me looking slim and solid at 230 or 240 was my willingness to get there. Striving for 260 is only striving for mediocrity.

I can be more.

And so, I'm now striving to look good. Maybe not Men's Health good, but good. Low body fat. Broad chest. Solid arms. You know...GOOD.

The last few days have not been good. My average is back up about 1.5 pounds, and my eating has been careless and lazy. I've been stressed out with deadlines, kids, and finances, and the whole "comment-gate" thing annoyed me to the point that I took a day or two off from caring.

I'll go to my grave thinking that it's messed up that you stop supporting somebody who is working their ass off because it's been a few weeks since they left a nice comment on your blog. And I still don't get why when person A loses 75 pounds they get a ticker-tape parade (a very well-deserved parade, of course) and 15 comments telling them how amazing they are, and when person B loses 80 pounds after struggling for weeks, he barely hears a thing. But I see where people are coming from, I suppose. But let's not open that door again today. Dear Lord, that ship has way sailed. That's my own crappy self-esteem telling me I'm not as good as anybody else. Something I've been fighting since I was 13.

Just another issue with myself that I need to fix.

Plus, everybody has weighed in on it, and I now know why people stopped posting here.

This is my final post on this blog. I need to switch things up, shift my focus, and hunker down. When Beck gets through this deadline push, she's going to be turning my personal blog (www.kevinantcliff.com) into the home of "Better-Faster-Stronger." I'll be continuing my journey over there. I've let it slip, and I want to start using it again, so this is what I'm doing. I will still be an active member of the Coalition (unless I'm now booted out), and I'll be adding everybody to my sidebar. I'm not quitting, I'm just moving.
If you want to add me and visit, great. I would gladly accept the support. But if you prefer to allow me to slip off into oblivion and never think of me again, I'm fine with that, too. I get the feeling that, even before the mess in Part I, that there are some people who are done with me. That's unfortunate, but I won't fault them for it. I have to stop worrying what others think of me, and just get out there and do what I need to do.

As for my weight, I'm still pushing for 260. I'm still hoping to recover from my recent slump and get there by Thanksgiving. My back is feeling better, so I'm going back to my old-school method of weight-loss: Push ups, sit ups, eat well, go for walks, etc. - do what I can with what I have. It's not ideal, but it took me from 360 to 278, so there's something to it.

Should be interesting, huh?

Striving for Mediocrity

That's what I've been doing.

When I started this whole thing, I kept saying that I didn't need to look like a Men's Health cover model, I just wanted to be healthy. And every time I said that, I meant it. I just wanted to get to 260, say I lost 100 pounds, look good in pictures, and call it a day.

But when I was 260, I still had a belly. I had to change my shirt in front of Beck while we were just starting out dating, and I was embarrassed and ashamed. Why do I want to look like that?

And it dawned on me that the only difference between me still looking pudgy at 260 and me looking slim and solid at 230 or 240 was my willingness to get there. Striving for 260 is only striving for mediocrity.

I can be more.

And so, I'm now striving to look good. Maybe not Men's Health good, but good. Low body fat. Broad chest. Solid arms. You know...GOOD.

The last few days have not been good. My average is back up about 1.5 pounds, and my eating has been careless and lazy. I've been stressed out with deadlines, kids, and finances, and the whole "comment-gate" thing annoyed me to the point that I took a day or two off from caring.

I'll go to my grave thinking that it's messed up that you stop supporting somebody who is working their ass off because it's been a few weeks since they left a nice comment on your blog. And I still don't get why when person A loses 75 pounds they get a ticker-tape parade and 15 comments telling them how amazing they are, and when person B loses 80 pounds after struggling for weeks, he barely hears a thing. But let's not open that door again today. That's my own crappy self-esteem telling me I'm not as good as anybody else. Something I've been fighting since I was 13.

Just another issue with myself that I need to fix.

This is my final post here. I need to switch things up, shift my focus, and hunker down. When Beck gets through this deadline push, she's going to be turning my personal blog (www.kevinantcliff.com) into the home of "Better-Faster-Stronger." If you want to add me and visit, great. I would gladly accept the support. But if you prefer to allow me to slip off into oblivion and never think of me again, I'm fine with that, too. I have to stop worrying what others think of me, and just get out there and do what I need to do.

As for my weight, I'm still pushing for 260. I'm still hoping to recover from my recent slump and get there by Thanksgiving. My back is feeling better, so I'm going back to my old-school method of weight-loss: Push ups, sit ups, eat well, go for walks, etc. - do what I can with what I have. It's not ideal, but it took me from 360 to 278, so there's something to it.

Should be interesting, huh?

Big 10

Today's Weigh In: 275.2 (INCREDIBLE NEW LOW)
Average Weight: 276.88 (new low!)
Weight lost today: .80 pounds!!!!
Loss Per Day Average Since 9/6: .45 (+.13)
Days Left: 60
Weight Remaining: 16.88
Weight off of my 5 Day since 9/6: 7.32 pounds
Pounds Per Day to hit 260 by 11/22: .28 Pounds
Total Weight Loss: 83.12 Pounds

> 10.6 pounds down for the month by individual weigh-ins.
> 1,600 calories appears to be my magic number.
> Just think what I'd be doing if I could work out.
> If a man blogs about his accomplishments, but nobody is around to read it, did it really make a sound?

Deadline Week.

Not much time, so here are the highlights:

Today's Weigh In: 276.6
Average Weight: 277.68 (new low!)
Weight lost today: .92 pounds!!!!
Loss Per Day Average Since 9/6: .43 (+.11)
Days Left: 61
Weight Remaining: 17.68
Weight off of my 5 Day since 9/6: 6.52 pounds
Pounds Per Day to hit 260 by 11/22: .28 Pounds

Hungry Like a Wolf

Today's Weigh In: 277.8 (yikes)
Average Weight: 278.6 (new low)
Weight lost today: .20 pounds
Loss Per Day Average Since 9/6: .40 (+.08)
Days Left: 62
Weight Remaining: 18.6
Weight off of my 5 Day since 9/6: 5.6 pounds
Pounds Per Day to hit 260 by 11/22: .3 Pounds

I ate a lot last night. I mean - a lot. Nothing majorly bad, though. The worst thing I had was sugar free, low fat ice cream sandwiches that were 140 calories. Everything else was PB sandwiches, shredded wheat, and a handful of animal crackers.

OK, I guess those weren't great, either.

If I go back and look, I don't think I ate enough to put me too much over 2,400 calories. That's higher than I want to go, but I don't get how it upped my weight by over a pound.

I can deal with that, I guess, but my concern is the hunger I had last night. It wasn't cravings, either. It was genuine hunger. Like, stomach-growling hunger. No matter what I ate, I was still hungry. This is the second time this has happened to me since 9/6, and I'm not a huge fan of it, to be honest.

Here's my theory as to why it happens:

Since 9/6, I've been averaging around 1,750 calories per day. My RMR (last time I checked it) was 2,400 calories. Some days I eat 1,900, others I'll take part in a controlled fast and only take in 700. Only three days out of the last 20 or so have I topped 2,000.

I'm guessing my body was just letting me know I needed more food?

That's all I can think of. But I don't feel hungry when I'm eating 1,750. I don't feel hungry (most days) when I only take in 750. But once every two weeks or so, it's like all the hunger I should have been feeling shows up, and off I go into the kitchen.

So, do I eat more? Skip the controlled fasts? Just keep doing what I'm doing and fight through the hunger?

I Can't Be Stopped

Today's Weigh In: 276.4 (new low)
Average Weight: 278.8 (new low)
Weight lost today: .80 pounds
Loss Per Day Average Since 9/6: .42 (-.10)
Days Left: 63
Weight Remaining: 18.8
Weight off of my 5 Day since 9/6: 5.4 pounds
Pounds Per Day to hit 260 by 11/22: .29 Pounds

I have now taken exactly seven pounds off of my 5-Day in September. From weigh-in to weigh-in, I've now lost 9.4 pounds this month. I am 6.6 pounds from my goal of hitting 269.8 by October 10th - a goal that I was 11 days off the pace of 7 days ago.

I've become a determined, driven, focused machine. Even without the ability to work out, I'm pressing forward at (what I see as) an impressive pace.

I cannot be stopped. I will not be stopped.

This is my best month of weight loss so far, and I'm doing it with pulled muscles, less time, and more stress.

None of that matters. I'm making myself better, faster and stronger - no matter what.

Another Day

Today's Weigh In: 278.4 (new low)
Average Weight: 279.6 (new low)
Weight lost today: .35 pounds
Loss Per Day Average Since 9/6: .38 (-.06)
Days Left: 64
Weight Remaining: 19.6
Weight off of my 5 Day since 9/6: 4.6 pounds

For Me

Just a reminder, Kevin.

Yes, you struggled a little over the weekend. It happens. But focus on the positives.

You topped the 80 pound lost mark today. Might not seem like a big deal to some, but you know how proud you felt when you saw that number. Eighty pounds is even more amazing when you remind yourself that you had no gym, no trainer, no in-home weights, two kids to watch, and tons of personal issues you had to fight through.

Your BP is PREFECT. You were a 29-year-old father taking BP meds to keep you from having a heart attack. Now your BP couldn't get any better if you tried. 118/78! You deserve some praise for that. To go through the kind of stress your family is going through, and to be able to change your life to that extent is amazing. Don't let anybody make you think otherwise.

You set out to lose .32 pounds per day for 76 days. That is a lofty goal. You weren't sure you could do it, and I'm sure others had their doubts, too. Yet, after 11 days, and after a weekend in which you weren't perfect, you sit here today still BEATING the .32. You're losing .39 pounds per day, man. That's ANOTHER impressive feat.

And, don't look now, but you are UNDER 20 pounds from your original goal of 260. You lose another 19.95 pounds, and you've achieved what you thought was impossible 9 months ago.

Don't beat yourself up over two bad meals. Don't blame yourself for a pulled back muscle that is limiting you. Don't let a lack of interest from others slow you down.

You're doing this for you.

So do it.

Average Weight: 279.95
Weight lost today: .05 pounds
Loss Per Day Average Since 9/6: .39 (-.07)
Days Left: 65
Weight Remaining: 19.95
Weight off of my 5 Day since 9/6: 4.25 pounds

Doped up

Average Weight: 280.32
Weight lost today: .68 pounds
Loss Per Day Average Since 9/6: .54 (-.22)
Days Left: 69
Weight Remaining: 20.32
Weight off of my 5 Day since 9/6: 3.88 pounds

Quick Hits:

> I'm on a muscle relaxer, so I'm feeling niiiiiiiiiiiiiiice.
> I've needed to average .32 pounds per day to hit 260.0 by Thanksgiving, and after a week, I'm averaging .54 pounds per day. That's a pound lost every other day.
> Blood pressure at my last DR visit: 144/99 - SCARY.
> Blood pressure today: 118/78 - PERFECT. Said my Dr: "You can't get any better than that."
> Told the DR how much weight Becky and I had lost, and she was more than impressed. So am I.
> Weighed in under 280 for the 2nd day in a row. I like it.

Quickie

Not much time today, so here's the basics:

Weight: 281.04
Weight lost today: .72 pounds
Loss Per Day Average Since 9/6: .53 (-.21)
Days Left: 70
Weight Remaining: 21.04

Finally saw my first number under 280 today, logging in a 279.4. Pretty happy about that, as the fat loss train has resumed it's voyage.

The back is AGONIZING now. So much so that I'm seriously considering going to an urgent care center, insurance or not. It's just painful to be up and around, or to GET up and around. Something's gotta give.

Also, tried to do my 100 push ups for the first time in a month yesterday. Last time i got to 54 and died, this time I got to 70 (with back pain). So, a step in the right direction. I don't think I'll be trying it again until my back is better, though.

Pleateau: The Story of the Least Effective Fast Ever

From Monday:

Weight: 282.2
Weight lost today: .48 pounds
Loss Per Day Average Since 9/6: .54 (-.22)
Days Left: 72
Weight Remaining: 22.2

For Today:

Weight: 281.76
Weight lost today: .44 pounds
Loss Per Day Average Since 9/6: .52 (-.20)
Days Left: 71
Weight Remaining: 21.76

I took in 575 calories yesterday. I walked about a mile. My reward?

I weighed in at 280.8 for the 3rd day in a row.

Water weight? My good numbers coming back to get me? No idea. But I saw a 279.8 on the scale yesterday afternoon, and I was expecting to see one again this morning. Guess that proves you should never expect to see anything, and you should always hope for the best.

I would hate to get stuck here for any length of time. I knew the .5 pounds per day wouldn't last forever, but I was hoping to go longer than five days.

Still, my average still came down .44 pounds, taking me into the 281's. Small victories, I guess.

What's really bothering me is the inability to work out. I am CRAVING football. I DESIRE to go do my plyometric workout. I'd LOVE to hit the pool. I haven't felt like this in weeks, and now I'm sidelined because of my stupid back pain. It's annoying as heck.

Something has to give, eventually. I think I need to go see a Doc about this. It isn't going away, and some days I can barely stand.

But really, I just want to work out.

I'm Wasting Away, People!

Weight: 282.68
Weight lost today: .76 pounds
Loss Per Day Average Since 9/6: .51 (-.19)
Days Left: 73
Weight Remaining: 22.68

So, my theory is that the sodium from Friday night has left my body, and my continued clean eating and our 2+ mile walk and football yesterday combined with that sodium flushing to give me an INCREDIBLE weigh in.

My weigh in today?

280.8

I would have been thrilled with a 282.4, but this is amazing.

Today we're going back to Jillian's for a birthday party, so I'll be eating a salad. I need to keep this going, no matter what.

I have now lost an average of .51 pounds per day since I set out to lose .32 pounds per day. That's good, because as we all know, this pace isn't likely to keep up, and I'll need this .19 pound cushion to take the edge off.

Just for fun, had I been involved in the September Challenge:

Weight Lost (single weigh-in): 5.0 pounds
Body % lost: 1.7%

Not too shabby.

ALSO:



This 37" LCD TV weighs 75 pounds. So, as of today, I have lost a 37" LCD TV.

The Final Countdown - Day Three

Weight: 283.44
Weight lost today: .34 pounds
Loss Per Day Average Since 9/6: .37 (-.05)
Days Left: 74
Weight Remaining: 23.44

Well, I'm exceeding my .32 per day goal so far, though it's only been two days.

And while Beck did GREAT at Jillian's last night, I didn't do as well. I knew I'd have nothing to choose from for dinner, so I only took in 360 calories up to that point in the day. I ended up eating a grilled chicken BBQ sandwich, with some fries. And I had five BBQ chicken wings.

Somehow, I ended up with roughly 2,200 calories for the day. Not awful, though still about 201 calories over where I'd prefer I end up.

I still have a lot to learn, too. I look back on it now, and I likely could have asked for corn or broccoli in place of the fries, and I could have lived without BBQ sauce on the sandwich. Still, I think the meal was pretty real-world.

Did I get an A+? No. But did my preparation for the bad dinner keep me from failing? I think so, yes. I'd give myself a B- for the day.

I weighed in at 283.4, up .4 pounds from yesterday, but I'm pretty sure sodium played a part. And my average still dropped. So I'm pretty happy, actually.

Today seems like a good day for a controlled fast, though I woke up hungry. So, it's going to be a challenge. Maybe I'll snack on some carrots during football, then have a light dinner tonight.

If Beck's soreness from her trek yesterday is better, we'll be going on a 3-4 mile family walk today (Denver falls are amazing - 77, sunny, no humidity!), so that'll be 600 calories gone. And we may even go to the park and toss the football around after dinner. We'll see.

I want to see a 282 on the scale in the morning.

More later...

Weight: 283.8
Weight lost today: .4 pounds
Loss Per Day Average Since 9/6: .4
Days Left: 75
Weight Remaining: 23.8

The Final Countdown

Weigh In: 283.0 (3rd straight new low)
5 Day: 284.2 (6th straight new low)
Calories Consumed Yesterday: 2,159 - Too many. I lost count.

First, went to the pool yesterday to test my back. It did OK, though I didn't have a lot of gas. Worked hard for about 30 minutes, then did some light stuff for another 10 or so.

As for my calories, I made the mistake of adding up my calories at the end of the day, as opposed to doing it as I went along. I had no clue where I was going in to dinner, so I assumed I had room to eat a big one. I ended up 159 over where I wanted to be.

Lesson learned.

OK, here's the deal. November 23rd will mark one year since I really buckled down and went after this life transformation. Had I not slowed down and slipped up so many times over the last few months, I think I'd be at 260 by now. But I can't focus on that. I have to keep my eyes forward.

So, here's my new goal:
I will hit 260 by November 21, 2007 - the day before Thanksgiving.

That gives me 76 days to lose 24.2 pounds. That boils down to .32 pounds per day of weight loss. It's kind of a lofty goal as I sit here and think about it. I have had stretches of 5-6 days where I've lost as much as .4 pounds each day, but I usually follow those up with stretches of days where I PUT ON .3 pounds per day.

This will test me in a way I haven't tested myself, yet. No room for 10% bad eating. No room for days off. No room for excuses. I have to be there by 11-21. HAVE to be.

I need my back to cooperate, and it would help if the stress level would drop a little bit, too. Maybe Beck finds a great job? Maybe my role expands - along with my pay? Maybe I go on The Power of 10 and win a cool million? I'm open to any and all possibilities.

Some of you may be wondering who the real Kevin is. Is he the fired up guy who loses five pounds in a week? Is he the "life sucks" guy who lets stress bog him down, and who sits at the same weight for three weeks? I honestly don't know right now. I think we'll see who I am over the next 76 days.

This is how all of my blogs will start from now until Thanksgiving:

Weight: 284.2
Weight lost today: .68 pounds
Loss Per Day Average Since 9/6: .68
Days Left: 76
Weight Remaining: 24.2

Wish me luck. I'm gonna need it.

Please Read the Post Below This One

After you get done reading this one, of course.

FAT is on MySpace. The link to our page is over on the right. Add us as a friend, and I'll ask everybody the question I want to ask via a bulletin. I think it'll be easier. If you don't want to join MySpace, I'll figure something else out.

Now, go read the meat below.

Now I'm Freeeeeee......Free-Falling!

My last six weigh-ins:
285.8
286.4
285.0
285.2
284.6
283.2

5-Day: 284.88

Calories Consumed Last Five Days:
776
2,157
1,707
1,530
1,811

A weight in the 283's? Dang. What a difference a few hundred calories makes, huh? I've been a little hungry, so I may try to stay closer to 2,000 than I've been, but I'm not going a single calorie over from here on out.

I am now under 25 pounds to my original goal. Saying I'm 25 away sounds nice, but being under 20 will make this seem much more real and attainable. I'm also unofficially at 80 pounds lost today. In November of 2005 I had an appointment for sleep apnea. I weighed 365 that day. For the sake of this blog, we'll say I'm at 75 since January of 2006, and 62 since Thanksgiving of 2006. Still, not awful numbers.

In back news, went to the pool with Beck and the girls yesterday, and it felt GREAT while I was floating around and playing in there. And as soon as I got out, it was killing me. I couldn't even carry Gracie home. Do I try to go actually swim today? I don't know. I feel like I need to be doing something, even though I'm losing weight. I don't want to be skinny, I want to be fit. So I need to start exercising soon.

Lastly, I need to ask all of the Coalition a question, but I don't want to do it here. Not to sound to paranoid, but I don't want anybody stealing my idea. I could do it without your permission, but I'd prefer to ask you all and get your approval. Any thoughts on how I could privately ask you all the same question?

My 301st Post

Weigh in: 284.6 (NEW LOW)
5 Day: 285.4 (NEW LOW)
Calories Consumed Yesterday: 1,530

My back is still hurting, but I'm thinking of fighting through it and trying to toss the football or something this afternoon. The pain is like a "stiff" pain. Like I've been sitting too long. So my theory is that if I go move around, it will loosen up.

No idea.

This is the fourth day my average has dropped, reaching a new low of 285.4. And I saw the first 284.x on my scale this morning, which is a damn good feeling.

No get together yesterday, so no worries about my food. Stayed well under 2,000 again, as is my plan from here on out, I think. I was going to head back up to 2,400 on Monday, but I think I'll aim for 2,000 and see what happens.

Not much to say. Another day, another calorie burned.

Pain in the...

Back.

I've got a pretty good one on the right side, just above my waist. Getting up form sitting is tough, and laying in one position ain't too grand, either.

So, I'm kind of stuck. I told Beck yesterday, I am DYING to go workout. I want to throw the football. I want to do some push ups. I want to sweat and move. It figures that as soon as I get fired back up about all of this, something ELSE pops into my path to limit what I can do.

Should I have a Dr. look at it? Yeah, probably. But we no longer have insurance, so that ain't gonna happen. Not for a while.

Just another hurdle that I have to find a way to leap over, I guess. Until I figure that out, I'll watch my eating like a hawk, and I'll make do with what I have.

EDIT:

Weigh In: 285.2
5-Day Average: 285.65
Calories Consumed 9/2: 1,707

When Did I Say I Quit?

For those of you (and there have been a few) thinking I quit because I posted a nice picture of myself, or because I'm not taking part in the September challenge:

Today's Weigh-In: 285.0, a new low
Calories consumed past two days: 776, 2,196
Perfect eating? Yes.

And here's a blurb from my post less than 48 hours ago:

I think I'm going to skip the September challenge, too. I need to do things for me right now. I haven't focused on my needs in this transformation over the last several weeks. I need to make sure I'm OK before I get back into the team thing. No offense to anybody, at all.

This is a battle with myself. It's not a war against fat. I'm the one who put it there. It's my fault. Wars aren't fought against bullets, but against the people shooting them at you. I've been shooting myself for a long time. I am not beating fat. I'm beating an unhealthy lifestyle, bad choices, lack of focus, scarce determination, and unimpressive drive. Those things are all 100% on me.

And now it's time for me to deal with it.

Where people get that I'm quitting from that, I have no clue. I've been through hell at times in this transformation, and I haven't quit once. I don't plan on it. Have I slowed down? Sure. Lost focus? At times. Considered not blogging? Oh, yeah. But I never once said I was done trying to lose weight. Not once.

Just because we all don't have the same passion or drive at all times doesn't mean we're quitters. In fact, those of us with struggles who keep getting back up and pushing forward might be the most inspirational of all.

If it's just concern, I appreciate it. But I feel I should get the same benefit of the doubt that everybody else gets. Especially after my last big post was a battle cry for myself. I vented, then got associated with the term "quit," and that's not acceptable. The truth is, this is a big reason why I'm still considering hanging up the blogging shoes. It seems that if I'm honest and discuss my personal struggles, people think I may quit. If I say I'm doing well, I get "good job, now don't quit!" If I were a quitter, I wouldn't be posting about my fights and struggles. I would have stopped the weight loss train months ago.

But people read and hear what they want to read and hear, it seems. It doesn't seem 100% fair. I'm sure I'm coming across like a whiner, but it's my blog, and this is where I vent. So, I'm venting.

Let me wrap this up by making it simple for everybody with any concern over my ability to move forward.

I don't quit.

I won't quit until I hit 260.

And even then, I won't really quit.

Will I trip up? I'm sure I will. Will I put weight back on? I hope not, but I may. Will I blog about having a tough time? Probably. Will any of those things give anybody a reason to think I'm a quitter?

No.

And that should be where this story ends.

Yesterday

I have to say it was a good day.

Controlled Fast: Successful - 778 calories consumed
Water: Close - 60 oz.
Exercise: Not so good, though I did keep active around the house

Today is supposed to be our football day, but Beck and Gracie were both up sick all night, so I don't think it'll happen. Also means I'm on caretaker duty, so my time will be limited, too. I'll do the best with what I have, and I'll stay at 2,000 calories.

Later, all.