That's what I've been doing.
When I started this whole thing, I kept saying that I didn't need to look like a Men's Health cover model, I just wanted to be healthy. And every time I said that, I meant it. I just wanted to get to 260, say I lost 100 pounds, look good in pictures, and call it a day.
But when I was 260, I still had a belly. I had to change my shirt in front of Beck while we were just starting out dating, and I was embarrassed and ashamed. Why do I want to look like that?
And it dawned on me that the only difference between me still looking pudgy at 260 and me looking slim and solid at 230 or 240 was my willingness to get there. Striving for 260 is only striving for mediocrity.
I can be more.
And so, I'm now striving to look good. Maybe not Men's Health good, but good. Low body fat. Broad chest. Solid arms. You know...GOOD.
The last few days have not been good. My average is back up about 1.5 pounds, and my eating has been careless and lazy. I've been stressed out with deadlines, kids, and finances, and the whole "comment-gate" thing annoyed me to the point that I took a day or two off from caring.
I'll go to my grave thinking that it's messed up that you stop supporting somebody who is working their ass off because it's been a few weeks since they left a nice comment on your blog. And I still don't get why when person A loses 75 pounds they get a ticker-tape parade and 15 comments telling them how amazing they are, and when person B loses 80 pounds after struggling for weeks, he barely hears a thing. But let's not open that door again today. That's my own crappy self-esteem telling me I'm not as good as anybody else. Something I've been fighting since I was 13.
Just another issue with myself that I need to fix.
This is my final post here. I need to switch things up, shift my focus, and hunker down. When Beck gets through this deadline push, she's going to be turning my personal blog (www.kevinantcliff.com) into the home of "Better-Faster-Stronger." If you want to add me and visit, great. I would gladly accept the support. But if you prefer to allow me to slip off into oblivion and never think of me again, I'm fine with that, too. I have to stop worrying what others think of me, and just get out there and do what I need to do.
As for my weight, I'm still pushing for 260. I'm still hoping to recover from my recent slump and get there by Thanksgiving. My back is feeling better, so I'm going back to my old-school method of weight-loss: Push ups, sit ups, eat well, go for walks, etc. - do what I can with what I have. It's not ideal, but it took me from 360 to 278, so there's something to it.
Should be interesting, huh?
9.25.2007
Striving for Mediocrity
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16 comments:
I'll go to my grave thinking that it's messed up that you stop supporting somebody who is working their ass off because it's been a few weeks since they left a nice comment on your blog. And I still don't get why when person A loses 75 pounds they get a ticker-tape parade and 15 comments telling them how amazing they are, and when person B loses 80 pounds after struggling for weeks, he barely hears a thing.
The difference between Billy and you, since you're asking, is that Billy makes it a point every single day to comment on people's blogs and support them.
Somehow during the process, you lost sight of the big picture. It's not all about you, it's about the group as a whole. I don't understand how you can't see that.
The fact that you're throwing in the towel on the FAT Coalition is just amazing to me. I thought I knew you as a stand up guy who could look at himself, see faults, and make improvements.
You're really the kid that takes his ball and goes home. That's disappointing to me. I thought I had someone in you that I could trust and count on.
Have fun on your other site, Kevin. I still wish you the best, and have no doubt in my mind that you're going to nail the goal and be a success.
Burning bridges though, I hope you realize what you're doing. You can't cross that bridge again once it's crumbled. Are you sure that's what you want to do?
I'm not a stand up guy because I'm moving my blog? Wow. If that is how you gauge if somebody is a good guy or not, you should take a step back and reassess. Being the husband and father I am is good and all, but I'm moving my blog to another location, so I must be a bad person.
I never said I was done with the Coalition. In fact, it seems just the opposite to me. "KA.com is my new weight loss blog." Where in that statement does it say "screw you all"?
I will be adding every member of the Coalition to the sidebar of the new blog. Thanks for asking.
And you're right, it's about the GROUP AS A WHOLE. So if one person stops commenting on your blog for a few weeks, that doesn't still apply? "You don't comment on MY blog, so I won't comment on yours."
For three weeks out of the last 10 months, I stopped commenting. Look at the big picture. Not because I was done with anybody. Not because I stopped supporting anybody. I stopped commenting because I didn't have tons of time.
And let's not forget who I blamed this comment pleading on - ME.
"That's my own crappy self-esteem telling me I'm not as good as anybody else. Something I've been fighting since I was 13."
But I'm not a stand-up guy.
I'm not sure where this is all coming from but I will say this: If you feel like nobody is supporting you because you aren't getting tons of comments, realize that when you don't comment on other people's blogs, they feel like you're not supporting them. It's a 2 way street, that much is pretty clear.
You want more comments? Don't sit here and cry about it, get back out there and start giving your support, believe me, it will come back to you.
I'm sad to hear that you're giving up on this blog man, but as always, I wish you nothing but success.
Well, I'm done with the drama you create. Say what you want, man. I'm disappointed in you. I already said it - I wish you the best of luck, but I can't handle this back and forth, poor-me mentality that you have. Calling out the FAT Coalition because we're not commenting on your blog enough when you're doing the exact same thing is ridiculous.
Good luck - I just can't deal with this. In your words, "this is my last post here".
Don't bother adding mine.
HOLY CRAP.
Where did I say I was quitting? I'm moving my blog to a different address. THAT'S IT.
This is no different than if you decided Lean Body Quest didn't apply anymore, and you changed your blog address to Bulking Billy. Are you quitting on your blog? Nope. You changed it's name.
Dear Lord, I just - TWICE - blamed this whole thing on my crappy self-esteem.
I'm taking the blame for the whole thing, and people are still taking shots at me for it. I don't get it.
I'll leave this up as fair warning, but I'm considering deleting this whole thing - the post and the comments. I posted it in good faith, and with a good attitude, and it's turned into this. It didn't need to.
Again, I blamed the whole thing on my lack of self-esteem. I said I was changing my blog address. And I get attacked for them both.
This whole thing is just getting ridiculous.
If you want to add me and visit, great. I would gladly accept the support. But if you prefer to allow me to slip off into oblivion and never think of me again, I'm fine with that, too. I have to stop worrying what others think of me, and just get out there and do what I need to do.
These are your words. Tell me how I'm supposed to take this.
This is how I feel - I feel like you wanted to make people feel sorry for you or you wanted to bitch that people aren't commenting, and you started this pity party.
As far as I see, you were expecting the "oh, don't go" mentality, and then when you gave me the option of "cutting you lose" or "joining your other blog", and that you really didn't care either way, I made a choice.
Delete the whole thing if you want - it'll probably be a good idea.
I feel like you keep bailing on us. You and I started this entire thing last November, man. Yet you keep doing this. I don't get it, and I'm tired of having to.
"Don't bother adding mine."
And here's the thing. I will be adding yours. You may never visit my site, and I might not have the time or energy to comment on yours, but you deserve the credit and the link. And I'll still read your blog and everybody else's, whether I have time to comment, or not.
Here's what isn't being understood. I stopped commenting for no reason other than time. But I never once stopped reading other blogs. In most cases, I was reading them after everybody else had left 10 comments saying anything I could think of to say. So, I can't add anything useful, and I don't really have the time - why comment?
And this all started because I fished for a few comments. This is insane.
"I feel like you keep bailing on us. You and I started this entire thing last November, man. Yet you keep doing this."
What are you talking about? When have I ever bailed or quit? I took a few days off last month during deadline. When else have I "bailed."
You were insulting about it. The sarcasm about 'throwing a ticker tape parade' about Billy - that wasn't fair. Do you see that?
Billy (and me, by the way) get good results because we make time for others blogs. You act like no one is busy. How can you just throw insults out like that and be surprised when I get upset about them?
If you want to fish for compliments, instead of guilt tripping those that have supported you in the past, go comment on other people's blogs. The time that this whole stupid thing has taken to post and go back and forth could have been used to go and post on everyone's blog.
Clearly, at least today, it's not a time issue.
Actually, it is. I'm trying to fix this to the best of my ability, while I'm supposed to be getting a magazine ready to go to print.
Again, I'm blaming the whole thing on myself. Is anybody else seeing that?
I've had issues with self-esteem since Day One of FAT. Somebody gets more comments than me, it must mean I'm failing. Then, I freak out. It's my own issue that I'm trying to deal with.
And you're right. That comment about Billy came out badly. It wasn't about Billy. He deserves everything he gets support-wise. It was about the comparison. I thought 80 pounds lost was amazing, especially after sitting at 285 for 8 weeks. I overcame it, and felt proud, and there was basically nobody there to celebrate it with me.
Billy, if you took that as an attack on you, it wasn't meant that way, and I apologize.
I'll be honest Kev, I was a little insulted at the ticker tape parade comment. Yeah, I've had some success, and others are inspired by it, which I think is great. I'm sorry if you somehow take it differently.
When you make statements like "this is my final post here" and stuff like that, it just makes me wonder. Like, why would you move the blog? There are probably people that read it that you don't even know about. Just doesn't really make sense to me that's all.
On the bright side, you have a bunch of comments now ;)
Cool looking web site Kevin (your personal one). However i think you need to put your newer picture in the pic frame on your desk ;).
Sorry to see all the drama unraveling on the FAT page. I hope you reconsider and stick around we all need you. I truthfully can see both sides of the argument that is boiling here. I also think that the written word can be easily misinterpreted. Some of the stuff you wrote in your last entry did seem like you where on the offensive. All you got to do is ask for a little more luv and we all got your back man. If you want to switch site locations go for it, that doesn't matter, but don't preface it with leaving and passive aggressive context. I can see it for what it is kind of a cry for help but I wasn't on the other end of the pointy stick.
I have nothing but respect for you and your success thus far. You are allot of the things I am a loving father, good husband, hard worker, and stand up guy from what I can tell. I understand your dealing with low self esteem etc. I have been battling that my entire life also. To be perfectly strait forward with you. I always wondered why you never added me to your sidebar. I thought maybe I pissed you off or you didn't like me. I never said it but I thought about it all the time. So I have low self esteem too.
Dude your part of the glue that binds, part of the Fatastic 4. Sack up and support the group that supports you. If you want to change your URL do it but don't ditch on FAT. If I was there I would give you a big ole platonic man hug.
I just don't see how I took it out of context. If this is a big misunderstanding and you didn't intend to insult Billy, quit on the group and tell us how you didn't need us anymore, then I apologize for everything I said.
But you need to see (and I think Rip said it better than I) how you say things, and how things come off.
If anything, perhaps my dedication to this group is too strong to a fault. I'm down over 100 pounds, and I owe it ALL to this Coalition. I would probably be over 400 and closer to death if it wasn't for finding your blog, banding together with you, and making this work. So that's why I take this so damned seriously.
But you have to realize that your words didn't come off as a call for help. You should know us by now - you want more comments, just contribute more. Ask us for it, let us know how it's going. You don't ask someone to help you when you're in the ocean drowning by pissing on their boat.
How 'bout those Lions? hehe
Hey Kevin and everyone else thats reading. I dont really think theres much more I can add other than reiterating whats been said here and in a previous blog comment section of yours where this all got started.
Kevin you have taken responsibility in part by stating its your esteem to blame yet you havent taken full responsibility for how your words have come across to many of us. In your last blog you talk about no one cares or comments other than Ripx when I for one have commented regularly on your blog from the time I began up until earlier this week and youve managed to comment on mine 1 time in over 6 months. You blame your lack of commenting on time but what was your excuse before that? As the anonymous poster stated in your other comments SUPPORT is two-way when youre in a group. If you wanted one-way support you'd have to seek a therapist for that. They are not there for your support but to simply support you only.
When youre in a group you have an obligation to the group. If you get busy and cant do something you still have an obligation to let the group know what you can and cant afford to do at a particular time.
Kevin, EVERYONE of us is busy in our own way yet we from time to time make it our business to let others knows where here and reading.
Its important that you take a look at your part in this Kevin verses lashing out at the group and certain persons in particular. I honestly dont see myself as a member of FAT but I appreciate the support that comes from those who have gathered together through FAT. You cannot decide to not comment because youre busy yet want others to continue to do the same for you when they are in the same situation. Rob works, goes to school, works out and finds time to comment. Being busy is an excuse when you cant somehow sometimes show the group youre a part and there no matter how small. A simple statement as Rebecca made earlier in September letting people know where she stood goes along way and kept the comments rolling on her blog. She doesnt comment often but makes it her business to comment sometimes.
Be honest with yourself and think over the last 3 weeks if you didnt have 30 minutes where you could have said 2 words to each person in FAT or associated with FAT. No one is asking for you to comment daily but showing support in small ways goes a long way.
Rip and anonymous said it well when they stated your tone is passive-aggressive. Ive thought this for some time now. I dont think youre aware that sometimes youre unappreciative and can make someone feel really bad. Your wife plays balls with you yet you leaves post saying I have no one to play with and moan about it. Shes somebody and have you ever thought how that could make her feel? You did the same thing when you said no one comments but Rip. What about everyone else who did? You exclude people and then wonder whats going on.
Ive been where you are and its not a nice place. Self-examination is a good place to begin and then finding a good therapist to help work through those past issues with will be a next step move that will pay off big in your life.
I in part lost a great relationship with my ex-gf because I had a woe is me mentality for awhile. She got tired of it and I dont blame her for that part. That sort of attitude can bring another down and leave them vulnerable and wondering when is the next time youre going to get in the dumps and quit or threaten to leave or something like that. Just think about it.
I honestly believe youre a good man but you have a woe is me attitute that others can only tolerate for so long. Think about this and figure out what you can do to be better.
I wish you well as you continue to set and reach your goals. Youve done great and I know you will continue.
The bible says it best: He who desires friends must first show himself friendly.
I think that sums up the whole comment thing and whatever else is out there!
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