Striving for Mediocrity - Part II

Let's try this again. My edits are in bold.

That's what I've been doing.

When I started this whole thing, I kept saying that I didn't need to look like a Men's Health cover model, I just wanted to be healthy. And every time I said that, I meant it. I just wanted to get to 260, say I lost 100 pounds, look good in pictures, and call it a day.

But when I was 260, I still had a belly. I had to change my shirt in front of Beck while we were just starting out dating, and I was embarrassed and ashamed. Why do I want to look like that?

And it dawned on me that the only difference between me still looking pudgy at 260 and me looking slim and solid at 230 or 240 was my willingness to get there. Striving for 260 is only striving for mediocrity.

I can be more.

And so, I'm now striving to look good. Maybe not Men's Health good, but good. Low body fat. Broad chest. Solid arms. You know...GOOD.

The last few days have not been good. My average is back up about 1.5 pounds, and my eating has been careless and lazy. I've been stressed out with deadlines, kids, and finances, and the whole "comment-gate" thing annoyed me to the point that I took a day or two off from caring.

I'll go to my grave thinking that it's messed up that you stop supporting somebody who is working their ass off because it's been a few weeks since they left a nice comment on your blog. And I still don't get why when person A loses 75 pounds they get a ticker-tape parade (a very well-deserved parade, of course) and 15 comments telling them how amazing they are, and when person B loses 80 pounds after struggling for weeks, he barely hears a thing. But I see where people are coming from, I suppose. But let's not open that door again today. Dear Lord, that ship has way sailed. That's my own crappy self-esteem telling me I'm not as good as anybody else. Something I've been fighting since I was 13.

Just another issue with myself that I need to fix.

Plus, everybody has weighed in on it, and I now know why people stopped posting here.

This is my final post on this blog. I need to switch things up, shift my focus, and hunker down. When Beck gets through this deadline push, she's going to be turning my personal blog (www.kevinantcliff.com) into the home of "Better-Faster-Stronger." I'll be continuing my journey over there. I've let it slip, and I want to start using it again, so this is what I'm doing. I will still be an active member of the Coalition (unless I'm now booted out), and I'll be adding everybody to my sidebar. I'm not quitting, I'm just moving.
If you want to add me and visit, great. I would gladly accept the support. But if you prefer to allow me to slip off into oblivion and never think of me again, I'm fine with that, too. I get the feeling that, even before the mess in Part I, that there are some people who are done with me. That's unfortunate, but I won't fault them for it. I have to stop worrying what others think of me, and just get out there and do what I need to do.

As for my weight, I'm still pushing for 260. I'm still hoping to recover from my recent slump and get there by Thanksgiving. My back is feeling better, so I'm going back to my old-school method of weight-loss: Push ups, sit ups, eat well, go for walks, etc. - do what I can with what I have. It's not ideal, but it took me from 360 to 278, so there's something to it.

Should be interesting, huh?