So, I just got done reading Billy's latest blog, and the comments that accompanied it. You know what I felt? Total jealousy. Not pride on Billy's behalf. Not inspiration. Nothing but jealousy. Where Billy has succeeded, I've failed. Where he kept going, I stopped. Where he moved forward, I regressed.
I look back at my old blogs, and I see that I could have EASILY been at my end goal of 240 by now. I could have my 10% body fat. I could mow my lawn with my shirt off. But somewhere along the way, I decided that I'd rather have crappy foods and nights on the couch than an impressive and healthy physique. So, my push ups have been replaced by Twizzlers. And my 5-mile walks have been bumped for Chinese buffets.
I can say stress played a part, but I could have been stronger than my stress, had I chosen to. I could say that fatigue played a part, as doing this for over a year did weigh on me. But with so many others still going, what's my excuse for stopping?
The truth is, I saw that pic of me at 272, and I liked what I saw. I figured I earned some time off. And that time off turned into laziness. And that laziness became a habit. Gone were the days of MAKING myself do something - anything - to work up a sweat. They were replaced by movie nights, cheat meals, and video games.
But Billy's blog smacked me right in the face. That could be me trying to decide if I want ripped abs, or if my flat stomach is good enough. Instead, I've spent the last two months hovering at 290 - 18 pounds heavier that I was a year ago, and 50 pounds from where I really want to be.
I've made so many excuses and justifications for my failures that I've started to believe them. But I don't, anymore.
My name is Kevin Antcliff, and I'm still fat. I need to lose 50 pounds. And I need to start again today.
Maybe that jealousy I felt was actually inspiration after all.
Check back through the day, as I'll be adding some specific plans and goals to get me back on track.
---EDIT---
On 11-5-07, I weighed 276.4. By 11-5-08, I need to be there again. Plenty of time. It gives me roughly 10 weeks to drop around 14 pounds.
I'll be using the Men's Health Anywhere Workout, which I couldn't find to link to. Gym's aren't in the plan for us right now, so I'll be using this exercise band workout 3-4 times per week, with cardio 2-3 times per week. This is a total body workout that claims you'll notice results in 8 days, blah, blah, blah. We shall see.
Alright, people. Let's rock and roll.
8.12.2008
Gotta Do It
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4 comments:
Kevin,
I know you had some real motivation at one point. The motivation to lose all the weight you lost (90 lbs was it?)
Then again, I know I've heard "re-affirmations" from you before. Ones you never made good on.
I'm asking you to tap into that first Kevin. Look deep down, it's there. Keep re-reading this post if you have to. Don't let go. Make sure Beck is with you. Don't enable each other.
You can (both) do this.
that sounds like inspiration to me. You can do this!
C'mon Kev. How many times within the last few months have we read this same sentiment expressed here?
I'm with Billy. Make good on this. You know you've got it in you.
I know we all operate differently, but...
Sometimes setting goals works for me...mostly the ones that are very small (something that I can realistically attain within a few weeks). Another goal can always be set after that.
Other times, goals end up setting me back...especially if I get off track for even a day.
The one thing that always seems to work for me is just focusing on being healthier than I am right now. No Chinese buffets. Ever. It's like setting yourself up for failure. Ok. I know you probably know this.
Next: we never earn time off. Ever. That's how we get back to where we started.
Finally: Don't mean to echo Billy, but you and Beck must not enable each other. No more baking, Beck (as you said in your post). I had to give that up also. It sucks, but it's just the way it must be.
Good luck, you guys. We must hang out soon. Call me.
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