Holy Crap. I Was a Fat Ass.

Here's enough of a trip down memory lane to keep a guy eating clean for 27 months. Dear Lord. How did I ever let myself get that bad?? This was taken, I'm guessing, a little over one year ago.


That makes me sick to my stomach.

But that's the OLD Kevin. There were probably a few packs of Little Debbie's stuck in one of my fat rolls under that 4XL shirt that was TOO SMALL. He's not here anymore.

THIS is the New Kevin, and it's only going to get better form here. Enjoy this way cheesy picture.

Nobody to Blame but Myself

Today's Weigh-In: 309


My worst weigh-in in quite a while. And as painful as it was to see, I know I brought it upon myself, so I can't sit here and moan about it to you guys.

A few things that work in my favor, kind of?

I know I didn't go over my calories enough to put four pounds on in three days. Just not possible. There are roughly 70 calories per ounce of Vodka, so even if I had two cups per night (I didn't, by the way), I was nowhere near 3500 calories either of my two, nasty days. So, I did some Googling this morning, and I found that alcohol causes constipation. As does too much caffiene. Hello! I had Vodka and Diet Mt. Dew, people.

Plus, my diet was VERY bread-heavy on Friday and Saturday. Whole wheat bread, but bread, just the same. After more Googling, I find that whole wheat bread is another major contributor to constipation.

So, I spend Friday and Saturday eating whole wheat bread, and drinking alcohol with caffiene.

That would explain why I haven't, um, "gone" since sometime Friday morning. And that may also explain why I'm four pounds up.

So, today is a one-day semi-detox. For breakfast? An apple. For snack? An apple. For lunch? A can of tuna. For afternooon snack? Let's go with an apple. For dinner? No clue, but not an apple.

I'm hoping the fiber in the apples moves things along, and leads me to a better number next week.

Also, I'm back to counting calories. I stopped roughly two weeks ago - about the time I hit this plateau. Is there a connection? Hard to say, but I'm not going to play around with it. If there's any chance that counting will help push me toward 299, then count, I will.

Like Rob, my only goal right now is to be lighter and healthier next week than I am right now. Gotta right the ship before it capsizes.

A Frightening Weekend

As I posted last week, I'm not handling my personal stress well right now. There's a lot of it, and it's coming at me from almost every angle. Finances, relationships, family, health - a lot of things to be concerned with these days.

I had been doing well with avoiding reverting to my emotional eating days so far, and I was pretty proud of it. After all, one of the main reasons I shot up to 360 was because of my failure to handle stress.

Well, this weekend, I lost control. Food-wise, I did fine. Not great, but fine. We haven't been grocery shopping in a while, so we didn't have much to choose from. So, I've eaten a lot of PB on Whole Wheat the last two days. I did have a cheat meal of Sesame Chicken, and we had some fat-free ice cream. But that's about it. Yesterday was more PB on Wheat, and Beck's Chicken Parmesan for dinner (with whole wheat pasta, and no actual breading). All-in-all, I doubt I even made it to 3,000 calories either of those days.

Until you add in the drinks.

Vodka and Diet Mt. Dew is pretty good. It tastes good, goes down easy, and takes the edge off of your stress. So, I had a lot of it the last two nights. The last time I was drunk was 2000, but I erased that date this weekend. Friday and Saturday were bad. So bad, that I'm embarrassed with myself this morning.

For one, I replaced emotional eating with emotional drinking. For two, I gave in to a temptation. For three, I admitted I couldn't handle my stress on my own, and I needed something to help me take it away.

I won't be drinking again for quite a while.

But there's something else that's been bothering me these last few days.

Everybody else has been writing about how they crave salads, and how cheeseburgers make them sick, and it's all thanks to their new lifestyles. I'm a little worried because I still not only enjoy those foods, but I still have cravings for them, almost weekly. And the next time I "crave" a salad will be my first time.

I don't know why those foods are still so appealing to me. The good news is that, except for a rare and planned cheat meal, I haven't had any of those things in a while. I think I've had one cheeseburger since Thanksgiving, though I have had a few candy bars.

If I had to look back at my big picture diet since late November, I'd say I've eaten clean roughly 80% of the time. That's good for me, but it's not great, and it's troubling.

So, I'm making some changes this week, starting today.

> I'm eating 100% clean this week. Not even any sugar to sweeten my cereal.
> I'll weigh myself tomorrow, then not again until next Monday. The 5-Day thing is stressing me out.
> No more excuses about working out. When Beck and I boxed last week, it felt great. I'm still somewhat sore, five days later. I have to keep that going.
> Consider this my Statement of Renewed Effort. I'm getting my butt back on track. I'm re-focusing. I'm moving forward.

This weekend I came very close to letting this beat me. The proof that it didn't was the fact that I woke up this morning and felt horrible about the last 48 hours. It proved that Old Kevin doesn't have a home here anymore, and when he comes to visit, New Kevin just wants him to go home.

He packed up and left this morning.

As You Can Likely Tell...

I'm frustrated.

These plateaus are painful to go through, as most of the Coalition is already well aware. For me, it seems like the worst plateaus show up after I work my ass off.

We went on that 7-mile walk/run a few weeks ago, and my weight was up four pounds the next day. I started my boxing, push up, sit up routine a few nights ago, and my weight was up three pounds.

I think it would be easier to handle if these things weren't popping up after good workouts.

Regardless, no matter how frustrating these weeks have been, I will get through. I've been through a lot worse than weight loss plateaus over the last few years, and I'm still standing. I'm sure not going to let something this trivial be the enemy that finally takes me down.

I'm determined to get myself down to 260, and maybe even 245 after that. I've given my diet a complete overhaul. I've increased my activity level. I've changed my harmful habits to healthy habits.

That said, I think we're all allowed to feel and voice the frustrations we encounter at times like these. It's one of the reasons we started these blogs, and the Coalition. It's good, I think, to let it out.

Things aren't great for a lot of us right now, weight-wise. We're stuck on numbers we want to get off of. The weight isn't melting off the way it does for people on The Biggest Loser. We still can't go out with our shirts off, or wearing a two-piece bikini.

But step back from these feelings for a second, and look at the big picture.

Where were you two, three, six months ago?

I was unable to do a single push up. I was wearing tight size 44" pants. I was waking up in the middle of the night not breathing from my apnea. I was getting 5 migraines a week. I was taking out 7,000+ calories per day of pure crap. I was winded from tying my shoes. I was always sick. I couldn't play with my daughter for more than five minutes. I was killing myself.

All of those issues have been destroyed by my lifestyle change. I'm in loose 42's. I haven't had any apnea issues in four months. I play and dance with my kids all the time. I can do anywhere from 15-20 push ups. I'm eating the right amounts of the right foods.

I could go on, but you see my point. In times like these, try to focus on where you are, not where you're trying to get. Focus on the good you've done, not what your body won't let you do right now. Remember the other moments in the past that you've had just like this one, and remind yourself that those moments are just that - in the past. This one will be, too.

Everybody push forward. I know it's a little cliche, but the only thing that can stop you and beat you on this journey is you.

Grrrr

Pounds to 299.9: 7.33 (exactly where I was two weeks ago)

Weigh-In: 306.4
5-Day: 307.32

Hopefully the 306.4 means I'm heading back in the right direction. Other than that, I just don't have much to say about this. It's frustrating, annoying, ridiculous, and it's wearing on me.

More later, I hope.

Sick of It.

Pounds to 299.9: 7.29

Weigh-In: 307.2
5-Day: 307.28

Nothing to say. I say the exact same thing every freaking week, and it does no good. My freaking 5-day is almost back where it was 13 days ago (307.32), and it's a full pound over where it was four days ago.

I don't care that "this is what my body does." I'm sick and tired of it.

Neat. I'm back under 40 pounds lost, too.

Just for fun, here are my last 14 5-days:

307.28, 306.92, 306.36, 306.2, 306.32, 307.0, 307.72, 308.28, 308.12, 307.88, 307.52, 307.32, 307.36, and 307.32

So, in 14 days, I've lost .04 pounds.

Screw that noise. This is getting ridiculous.

Highly Inappropriate

Weigh-In: Pending, because I REFUSE to put down a 309 today. It ain't gonna happen.

**edit

Pounds to 299.9: 6.93

Weigh-In: 308.2
5-Day: 306.92

edit**

So, I explained the gym thing in the post below, so this morning, I'll talk about the boxing "workout" we did last night.

It was sweet.

We started off with a couple rounds of push ups and sit ups (my shoulder still hurts, by the way), then we traded rounds of hitting the punching mitts. Beck would unload on me for three minutes, then I'd unload on her for three minutes. We were ducking, crouching, punching, twisting, leaning, and other athletic-type words that end in "-ing". We worked up a sweat, got our hearts pounding, and - here's the proof it worked - we both woke up sore.

The bulk of my soreness is in my triceps, my shoulders, and my upper forearms. Strangely, I even fell a little tired in my thighs. It didn't seem like I worked them much, but I must have. As I'm leaning over the keyboard, I also notice that the middle of my back is suffering from a little post-workout trauma, as well.

I'm telling you, this boxing thing is no joke. After four or five rounds of nothing but punching, we could barely move our arms. All of the leaning and twisting gave our core a little extra workout, too. I can only imagine how much better of a workout we're going to get once we get with a trainer who knows what he's talking about. Sure, I could give Beck a few pointers, and I sounded like I knew what I was talking about, but as soon as she realizes I was quoting lines from six "Rocky" movies, the charade is over.

On another note, I HATE MY FLUCTUATIONS!

Why in hell would I go from 305.4, to 306.8, to 308, to 309 in four days? This is killing my average. And though I know this is what my body does, it's adding on precious time to my weight loss. If the 309 holds, my average will have gone up from 306.2 to 307.1 in three days. Yes, I know, my body will then drop me to 304.1 in two days, but that doesn't mean I have to like it.

Alright, I'll be back with my OFFICIAL weight later.

Have a good one.

OK, So Here's the Deal

We tried. We really did. We were dressed, had our Nike's on, I was sporting the hoodie, Beck was rocking the warm ups...we were on our way.

Then we realized we had kids.

Two of them.

Because they are both about 4.7 times the size of other kids their age, we sometimes forget that they need diapers changed, bottles made, diaper bags packed, socks found, pants buttoned, gas burped, and shoes tied - among other things.

The truth is, with both Beck and I trying to go to the gym, and with both kids needing immeasurable amounts of attention to get them there, we realized that the two of us going to the gym together is next to impossible.

One of the main reasons we wanted to do this was so we could work out together, but having to balance time and the kids, it just seems too unrealistic right now.

But, fear not, we have a backup plan.

Instead of going to the gym tonight, Beck and I went to Dick's Sporting Goods and purchased our boxing equipment. We each bought our training gloves, and we got a set of punching mitts. We only goofed around with them for 10 minutes, but we both experienced some elevated heart rates and heavier breathing. After the kids go to bed tonight, we'll be working combinations with each other for an hour or so, after we also do some general boxing-based calisthenics (push ups, sit ups, squats, etc.).

We'll do this for the next 10 days, and then we'll start our actual boxing lessons.

No, it's not ideal, but it keeps us active, and we'll get to do it together.

It works for now.

...

Pounds to 299.9: 6.37

Weigh-In: 308.0
5-Day: 306.36

And this is why somebody coined the phrase "Life gets in the way."

No workout yesterday. "Why," you ask? Well, let me tell you.

Around 3:30, yours truly got a migraine headache. They've been coming back more frequently lately, likely because of stress - and there is more than enough to go around right now. So, since I could barely get my head off of the couch, no 24HourFitness last night.

I still have a bit of a headache right now, so I'll hit it with Ibuprofen early and often, and we'll see if I can nip it in the bud today.

If that wasn't upsetting enough, this morning I had a wonderful weigh-in of 308 - up 1.2 pounds from yesterday. I know, "this is what my body does." But that doesn't make it anymore enjoyable. I guess the good news is that, when I hit my big drop, I'll be in the low 304's, or high 303's.

OK, time to vent a little.

I don't know what it is, but I've kind of stopped caring. I still want to lose weight, and I want to be healthy, but it's become far less important to me recently. I'm stressed out. I know that's a big part of it. And being the emotional eater that I am, I want to go back to "Old Kevin" and cover my stress up in food so I can't see it.

In all honesty, the only thing keeping me from eating a ton of junk food right now is the fact that we don't keep any in the house, anymore.

I'm sure this is just a phase. I know that when the stressful situations start to subside, my attitude will change.

I guess I just thought I was stronger than this. I knew "Old Kevin" was capable of falling into the re-assuring arms of food, but I was sure that "New Kevin" would avoid such a pitfall. It's like the last six months have taught me next to nothing. Had there been a box of Little Debbie's here last night, it would be gone this morning. And it bothers me that I'd still resort to those means.

But I do find some comfort in the fact that there ISN'T any junk food here. Six months ago, that would not have been the case. So, I've made enough of a change to keep those things from being easily accessible to me. And that's what I'm hanging my hat on this morning.

It's been a pretty crappy week so far, and it's only Tuesday. There are two ways to look at that. One, it's going to be a long, crappy week. Or, Two, there's still a lot of time to salvage this week.

So, I'm going to try to salvage it the best I can.

The Run to 299 - Day 15

Pounds to 299.9: 6.3

Weigh-In: 306.8
5-Day: 306.2

Today begins the Ten Days of Torture. We'll be headed to 24Hour after dinner tonight, and every night for the next 10 days.

Here's my weight routine for the next 10 days. The weights will likely change, as I'm not really sure where I'm at to start this off.

Dumbbell Bench Press
45#/Arm
3 Sets of 8-12 reps

Seated Row
140#
3 Sets of 8-12 reps

Dumbbell Shoulder Press
40#/Arm
3 Sets of 8-12 reps

Dips
2 Sets of 6-10 reps

Squats
50# resistance
2 sets of 6-10

Cable Torso Rotation
60# resistance
12-15 Reps each direction

Crunches from Hell
20# resistance

Hopefully that gets some things growing over the next 10 days.

As for my cardio, I'll be trying several different things. HIIT walking/jogging/running on Tuesday, Jump Rope/Swimming on Thursday, Stationary bike on Saturday, Full-Court hoops on Monday (I hope), and on the last day, I'm not sure. Maybe the elliptical, though I hate those damn things.

In other news, Becky got the sweet freelance gig, and she'll likely be getting another, bigger job when this one is finished, so we'll be purchasing three months at Jab Boxing here in North Denver. Here are the three classes I'll be taking part in over that time:

BOXING
Our trainers will show you the ropes and take you through the same exercises & drills used by competitive boxers to get in top shape.(60 min)

CIRCUIT BOXING
A boxing workout that utilizes almost all the equipment in the gym. (60 min)

SPARRING / INTRO-SPARRING
Step into the ring and learn how to box toe to toe. No experience necessary for into-sparring!
Mouthpiece required. (60/30 min)

So, needless to say, today is the beginning of a pretty exciting stretch. I honestly feel that I can be under 299 by the time this first 10 days is up, and I believe that after the first 4-6 weeks of boxing, Beck and I will both be seeing and feeling some amazing differences.

Here's hoping!

Now, go get your sexy on.

Thought it Was Time to Change Things Up.

New banner coming soon.

Sue me. I like a little Timberlake now and then.

BOOM SHAKA-LAKA! Um, I mean, The Run to 299 - Day 13

Pounds to 299.9: 7.1 (New Low)

Weigh-in: 305.4 (Tied for New Low!)
5-Day: 307.0 (NEW LOW!)

Just some quick notes as I try to contain my weekend excitement.

> I have now lost 40 pounds on the NOSE since November 23, 2007.
I was carrying my oldest on my shoulders last night walking to the store, and I was getting winded and tired. It dawned on me that I used to carry that weight around all the time, as she weighs 37 pounds.

> I have now lost 53 pounds since January of 2006.
53 Pounds, and I still have 47 to go. I put myself in a bad position, but I'm getting out of it.

> The Ten Days of Torture
They start on Monday. I have my weight routine set to go. Becky is up for a huge freelance design gig this weekend. If we get it, we may try to extend the membership or go get our boxing lessons.

Have a great weekend, everybody.

The Run to 299 - Day 12

And THERE'S the drop.

Pounds to 299.9: 7.73

Weigh-In: 305.4 (I've been expecting you.)
5-Day: 307.72

I know, I know. I should have shut up and waited for the drop to come. The 305.4 is my new lowest weigh-in, and I expected a weigh-in like this soon. So, there was no need to panic. I guess my body is just a big poop head that likes to screw with me mentally.

Yeah - poop head. I went there.

Still, when my weight pops back up like it did, I tend to freak out because I'm afraid it will keep going up, or it won't come back down. I've made too many changes, and worked too hard to keep them going for that to happen to me.

So, I panic. Cut me some slack, man.

Geez.

So where does this leave me now? How do I look as I get set for the stretch run to 299?

Well, I'll have weights of 309 and 309.6 dropping off in the next two days, so if I can keep my weight in the 305's, I'll bring my average into the low 306's. If I can get my weigh-ins into the 304's for my 307's to drop off, I'll be in the high 304's by Tuesday morning. Of course, I'll hit 304 just in time for my weight to pop back up to 308.2.

But I'll cross that bridge when and if I get there.

For today, I'm just happy to have broken through another mini-wall.

The Slimming Kevin Ten Days of Torture

So, to be blunt, I don't have the cash for a gym membership right now. But I need to do SOMETHING.

So, I went to 24hourfitness.com yesterday, and I downloaded two 10-day passes to my local gym. This gym has the pool, basketball court, weights, spa, sauna, CHILD CARE, etc.

So, starting Monday afternoon, Beck and I will be hitting 24 Hour for at least 60 minutes every day for 10 days. Over the course of these 10 days, I'll be kicking my own ass.

I'm in the process of putting together a nice, total-body weight routine. I'll be doing this routine five times. The other five days, I'll be trying five different types of cardio workouts. Basketball, swimming, stationary bike, sprinting in the track, and I'm not sure what the 5th will be.

Just to see what 10, nasty days can do to you, I'll be taking all of my measurements as well as new pics on Monday, then I'll do it all again 10 days later. I don't know if there will be any visible changes, but I'm aiming for some. By the end of the 10 days, my average will be under 299, and I'll be well on my way to 289.

It will be the most intense 10 days of my transformation so far. Blood, sweat and tears, baby.

All in an effort to live out my new motto...

Better, Stronger, Faster.

The Run to 299 - Day 11

Pounds to 299.9: 8.29 (pretty much back where I started last week. Stupid $&%^#%$!)

Weigh-In: 307.2
5-Day: 308.28

More later, but I just wanted to jot down that my weigh-in, while still not as nice as the 306.2 I had a few days ago, is heading back in the right direction. My 5-Day still went up, and it'll likely go up again tomorrow, which I am NOT the least bit happy about. But I guess that's part of the game at this point.

I'll be back with more later, including my idea for the Slimming Kevin Ten Days of Torture.

The Run to 299 - Day 10

I know my body does this, but it still frustrates the crap outta me.

Pounds to 299.9: 8.13

Today's Weigh-In: 307.4
5-Day: 308.12

I started my Run to 299 with 8.33 pounds to go, and I went as low as 7.33 three days later. Now, thanks to weigh-ins of 308.2, 309.0, 309.6 and today's 307.4, my 5-day has gone up .8 pounds in the last four days. These weigh-ins followed up my 306.4 and 306.2. Essentially, I've done a near 180 this week after getting very close to the 305 mark last week.

I don't know if we'll ever fully understand why our bodies do the things they do. I do wish I could just sit down with an expert and have him or her tell me exactly why my body feels the need to do this to me.

Of course, they'd probably tell me just to accept that this is how my body operates, and to be patient. Well, I do understand that, and I'm trying to be patient. But when you put on a pound every other week so you can lose two pounds every other week, it gets frustrating.

If I were putting on one to lose four, no problem. I've lost 3.5 pounds in the last 24 days. Over that 3-week period, I put weight on three different times. Had I not had to deal with weight gain from these fluctuations, I could have been as low as 303 at the pace I started out on.

I know that slow weight loss is better than no weight loss, but it doesn't make dealing with these 3-5 day fluctiations any easier.

I'm hoping that today's 307.4 is a sign that I'm on the back end of this round, but I won't know until later today or tomorrow morning. I have a scale addiction at times like this, so I'll likely weigh myself a good 3-5 times today to see what the trend is. When I'm headed back in the right direction after a gain like this, I usually lose weight through the day, and end up with a great weigh-in the next morning. I guess we'll see.

Until then, I'll try to keep my eyes fixed on my goal. Wanting to be better, stronger and faster is all that's keeping me going at this point.

Not Today

Today my weigh-in seems pretty unimportant. Worrying about a plateau seems rather inconsequential. Counting calories has lost its urgency for the day. Posting my diet details while these families and the community in Blacksburg are dealing with such an enormous tragedy just doesn't make sense to me.

I'll be back tomorrow with my story, but today I'm choosing to focus on theirs.

Our hearts and our prayers are with the VT community.

The Run to 299 - Day 8

**Edit**

Pounds to 299.9: 7.65

Weigh-in: 309.0
5-Day: 307.64

**/Edit**

Weigh-In: Pending

We are not amused.

So, yesterday Beck and I packed up the kids into their double stroller and went out for a walk. Keep in mind, my two kids combine to weigh around 58 pounds, and the stroller is a good 20. So, my 307 pounds was walking around pushing an extra 78 pounds. Every little bit helps.

Well, we decided we'd take a paved trail we'd never been on before and figure out where it went.

So, we ended up going for about a 2.5 hour walk. As you can see on the map, it ends up being a good 6 miles with all of the turns and twists. Not a bad workout when you also add in the hills - which were killer - on the way home.

But here's the really impressive thing: We had already been walking at a good clip for about four miles when we hit our first hill. Heading up that thing hurt. But after about 10 steps I decided I'd try to jog the stroller up the hill. So I jogged. About 10 steps later, I decided to pull a Rocky III and sprint up the hill. So, I ended up running a good 2/10th of a mile at full speed - while pushing the stroller. A few minutes later, we hit a bigger hill. So I sprinted again. This one hurt much worse, and a barely crossed the 1/10th point before I had to pull up. Still, I did it, and I did it quickly, and I didn't die.

So, we got home and decided to see how many calories it was estimated that we burned. LA BOXING said that, for a guy weighing 308 who walked for 2.5 hours at a pace of at least 3.0 mph I burned 1,466 calories. In comparison, it said Becky burned roughly 1,000. It seemed high, but I went with it.

Well, I then topped my day off with a healthy dinner - BBQ Chicken breat sandwiches on whole wheat with corn and broccoli. Though I was craving bad foods yesterday, I didn't give in. Fully. I did have two bowls of Wheat Chex last night, with a little bit of sugar to sweeten it a bit. All-in-all, my caloric intake was roughly 2,200. Well within my limits.

I'm telling you all of that to say this: I weighed in at 309.6 today, which followed up a 308.2 yesterday. I'm waiting to take my "official" weigh in until I have, um, "processed" all of my foods from yesterday, which I know will be in the next hour or so.

If my weight stays the same, it's going to suck. That said, this is how my jacked up body works. I'll have a few great weigh-ins (306's), then I'll jump up a few pounds out of nowhere, and for no good reason (309's). Then I'll spend three days getting the 309's back to the 306's, and out of nowhere again, I'll weigh in at 303.5. I'm hoping I can just skip that jumping into the 309's part, but if I don't, I'll just try to be patient and see if my body responds as it usually does.

If it doesn't, THEN I'll freak out.

So, weigh-in coming in about an hour, and the blog name will change then. Right now, even if the weight stays the same, we're looking at a weight drop of about 1.3 pounds this week. Not great, but as long as it's heading in the right direction, I guess.

OK, more later.

The Run to 299 - Day 6

Pounds to 299.9: 7.37

Weigh-In: 306.4
5-Day: 307.36

Just a quick one today - happy Saturday!

The 5-day went up a lillte today as a 306.2 was replaced by a 306.4, but I'm not concerned about it in the least. Tomorrow the weight is sure to drop with anything under a 308.4. So, no worries.

I'm really starting to see how water makes a difference. It goes WAY beyond helping you feel full. Water really is flushing the fat out of me. I don't know any other way to explain it. My diet has been spot-on, but my activity level has been less-than-perfect. Still, I'm on pace to lose 2 - 3 pounds this week.

The point being, drink your water.

Seriously. Drink it.

The Run to 299 - Day 5 - A Special Interview

Pounds to 299.9: 7.33

Today's Weigh-in: 306.2
5-Day: 307.32

First things first, my body is crazy, man! The ONLY thing I've done differently over the last week is make sure I'm drinking my daily supply of water. That's it. I'm doing very little zig-zagging, my shoulder is still keeping my from really working out, and my schedule has kept me from partaking in an active lifestyle.

Still, with a weigh-in of 306.2 today, I tied my lowest weigh-in to date, and I dropped my average another .44 pounds in one day, and 3.4 pounds in the last seven days. With three weigh-ins of 307.8 or higher dropping off over the next three days, I have a real shot at dropping to the 305 range by Monday.

Now, with all of the weight dropping off, I'm very happy. But I can't please everybody - or everything.

Today I am pleased to bring you an exclusive interview with somebody who is, for lack of a better description, angry about my weight loss.

Please welcome the KA Lead Fat Cell, Sal Ulight.

KA: Sal, thanks for being here today.
Sal: Don't worry, I'm not going ANYWHERE.

KA: Sal, how do you feel about having lost so many friends and close associates over the last year?
Sal: It's never easy to lose friends. Most of us have been together since 2002, so we've really bonded. We used to hang out around your ass and talk about sports. But now, there are fewer of us.

KA: Sure, I can understand that. Tell me, how are you guys coping? I mean, those of you that are left?
Sal: Honestly, we're just trying to hang on. The water is hurting. We just don't like water. So, when water is in, it's tough for us to really do anything. It used to be that our business partners, the Calories, would show up en mass to help us cling to you, but now it seems even they are working against us.

KA: What do you mean?
Sal: Well, the Calories are still coming in, but it's almost like they're trying to flush us out. We don't hear much from the Little Debbie's or cheeseburgers these days. Instead we get whole wheat pasta, and beans. It's kind of a shock for us, but we're trying to find ways to adjust.

KA: So, how many of you are gone? And how many are left.
Sal: You know the answer to those questions. You post them here every day. Ass.

KA: I know, I just want to hear you say it.
Sal: Screw you, man. And the horse you rode in on!

KA: Come on, Sal. Let's handle this like adults, shall we? Let's think on the pleasant memories. Can you share something nice from the old days?
Sal: Yeah, I guess. (Pause) Well, I remember a few years ago, you got fired from a job you loved because you worked for that jerk. And, on the way out of the store, you stopped and got some of those Little Debbie's we all love so much, and you went home and ate 'em all. That was special.

KA: Are you crying?
Sal: No. Not at all. Maybe a little. Yes. Yes, I'm crying. You have to understand, those times were great for us. Our numbers were on the rise. We'd have parties in your arteries almost every week. It was tough to get some of to leave. Then, about a year ago, there were so many of us that we didn't know what to do! I mean, out of boredom we started closing your throat at night...

KA: Apnea!

Sal:Yep, that was on us. Anyway, we'd give you a massive heartburn just from thinking about a burrito...

KA: Reflux!

Sal: Yep, all us. Let me finish. We used to give you migraines every week. We used to make your joints ache. We made your face break out, too. You were a 6' 8", 360 pound Cedar Point for fat cells. And now...our lives are changing. We don't have enough of us left to do that to you anymore. We may break out the occasional headache, but our best days are behind us.

KA: Well, I sure hope you don't expect me to apologize for any of that.
Sal: You're selfish. You're a selfish ho!

KA: That makes no sense.
Sal: YOU make no sense. Why are you doing this to us?? WHY???

At that point, Sal left the room. I'm sad to be the one to report this, but after my weigh in of 306.2 this morning, down 1.6 pounds from yesterday, Sal has not been heard from. His friends and family members fear the worst. They have asked that I help you find him.