As I posted last week, I'm not handling my personal stress well right now. There's a lot of it, and it's coming at me from almost every angle. Finances, relationships, family, health - a lot of things to be concerned with these days.
I had been doing well with avoiding reverting to my emotional eating days so far, and I was pretty proud of it. After all, one of the main reasons I shot up to 360 was because of my failure to handle stress.
Well, this weekend, I lost control. Food-wise, I did fine. Not great, but fine. We haven't been grocery shopping in a while, so we didn't have much to choose from. So, I've eaten a lot of PB on Whole Wheat the last two days. I did have a cheat meal of Sesame Chicken, and we had some fat-free ice cream. But that's about it. Yesterday was more PB on Wheat, and Beck's Chicken Parmesan for dinner (with whole wheat pasta, and no actual breading). All-in-all, I doubt I even made it to 3,000 calories either of those days.
Until you add in the drinks.
Vodka and Diet Mt. Dew is pretty good. It tastes good, goes down easy, and takes the edge off of your stress. So, I had a lot of it the last two nights. The last time I was drunk was 2000, but I erased that date this weekend. Friday and Saturday were bad. So bad, that I'm embarrassed with myself this morning.
For one, I replaced emotional eating with emotional drinking. For two, I gave in to a temptation. For three, I admitted I couldn't handle my stress on my own, and I needed something to help me take it away.
I won't be drinking again for quite a while.
But there's something else that's been bothering me these last few days.
Everybody else has been writing about how they crave salads, and how cheeseburgers make them sick, and it's all thanks to their new lifestyles. I'm a little worried because I still not only enjoy those foods, but I still have cravings for them, almost weekly. And the next time I "crave" a salad will be my first time.
I don't know why those foods are still so appealing to me. The good news is that, except for a rare and planned cheat meal, I haven't had any of those things in a while. I think I've had one cheeseburger since Thanksgiving, though I have had a few candy bars.
If I had to look back at my big picture diet since late November, I'd say I've eaten clean roughly 80% of the time. That's good for me, but it's not great, and it's troubling.
So, I'm making some changes this week, starting today.
> I'm eating 100% clean this week. Not even any sugar to sweeten my cereal.
> I'll weigh myself tomorrow, then not again until next Monday. The 5-Day thing is stressing me out.
> No more excuses about working out. When Beck and I boxed last week, it felt great. I'm still somewhat sore, five days later. I have to keep that going.
> Consider this my Statement of Renewed Effort. I'm getting my butt back on track. I'm re-focusing. I'm moving forward.
This weekend I came very close to letting this beat me. The proof that it didn't was the fact that I woke up this morning and felt horrible about the last 48 hours. It proved that Old Kevin doesn't have a home here anymore, and when he comes to visit, New Kevin just wants him to go home.
He packed up and left this morning.
4.29.2007
A Frightening Weekend
Subscribe to:
Post Comments (Atom)
Posts
2 comments:
For the record, I don't crave salads. And the idea of a cheeseburger not only doesn't sicken me, it beckons me. Granted, fast food doesn't appeal to me, but plenty of other crap food does.
I'm more accustomed to healthier food now, and my relationship with it has changed. When I eat now, part of my enjoyment comes from knowing the healthy, nourishing qualities of the food I'm eating.
But, I still crave the bad stuff too. It's just a matter of realizing that you aren't some little kid who always has to have what he wants. You're an adult who knows how to moderate and do what's best for you. That's how I look at it.
Glad to see the new attitude.
I agree with Billy. I think I have to be careful when I say that a 'cheeseburger makes me sick'. The CRAVING of one is still there - every time I drive by Taco Bell for example, I get that whole "Pavlov's dog" thing going. As Billy said though, the "kid" analogy - sometimes we don't get what we want - that's what rings true, and you should give yourself some credit on that one.
As for this weekend almost beating you - remember one thing:
Even Rocky gets knocked down.
But he always gets up, and so do you. Be proud of that. You tend to (as I do as well) get down too hard on yourself sometime. It's what these blogs are for, but just know that you're doing really well, and you've picked yourself up off the ground and kept fighting again - and that's all we can ask for.
Post a Comment