I'm out of it, right now. No passion, no drive, no desire. I had a few days of defeat, and they have rolled into a lackadaisical feeling about the whole thing.
Here's the deal:
My bike is dead. It still rolls, but that's about it. I hit a bump, and the handlebars turn to the right. But the tire stays straight. It doesn't shift, anymore. The back tire is bent so badly that keeping speed on a level surface is like trudging up a hill in low gear.
So, I decided to switch things up and hit our pool. Just taking my shirt off to go in the pool was a tough step, but I did it. Beck and I stayed in there for a good hour - swimming laps, doing handstands, lifting the other person as high out of the water as we could - it was a solid workout. I was winded when we were done, and I was sore the next morning.
So, I figured this would be my new free gym. I planned to go back Sunday, but Beck had a project to finish, and I stayed home to help keep the kids out of her hair so she could work unimpeded. No pool Sunday.
Monday we had a guy coming over to buy a recliner we were selling. He was supposed to be here at 7, but he got lost and didn't show up until 7:45. By the time he checked the chair and we loaded it up, it was after 8. I was waiting for a phone call from my boss at 8:30, so no pool on Monday.
Last night we had to go run some errands and get some dinner, and by the time we were back, I had a migraine the size of Tokyo. No pool Tuesday.
Tonight, Becky's sister is coming up to learn how to swim, as she's preparing to go into the Air Force, and she needs to know the basics for a survival course. It'd be a little odd for me to teach her, so Beck will go swim with her, and I'll stay here with the kids. No pool tonight.
And for those of you saying we should take the kids to the pool? The kids are 2-years-old and 10 months. If Beck and I both go, we each get one kid, and neither of us gets a workout.
It feels like EVERYTHING is working against me. I'm now working three jobs from home if you count the kids, so time is even more rare for me. I have about 2-3 hours per night that could be set aside for "me" time, but it seems like we always have something going on that prevents me from taking advantage of those open hours. And if Beck has anything going on - side projects, sister coming up, needing some rest - it's my job to let her get those things done by keeping the kids out of her hair.
I don't even have time for my old school push up routine. I'm stretched pretty thin with job 1, job 2, and kids A and B right now. Spare time during the day allows me to eat a sandwich, or go to the bathroom.
I keep thinking, "Hey, I'm working now. I can go get the boxing membership, or a 24HourFitness membership, and the problem is solved." The problem is, I don't get paid for another three weeks, and August is the month where we're going to be catching with all of our bills from the months where I wasn't working.
Rob blogged yesterday about feeling like he was on four flat tires. I feel like I'm trying to go forward while the car is in reverse. As hard as I try to go forward, something is pulling me backwards.
I wish there were just a switch I could flip to get out of this rut, but the truth is, I just need some time. Time for me to get my workouts in, and time for me to mentally come out of this.
7.25.2007
Yep, Billy's Right
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6 comments:
Hey Kevin,
It might be a good time to take another look at your workout plan. Your plan as it currently stands doesn't sound like it's fitting in well with the rest of your life.
I can totally relate to being busy, it seems like my life is nonstop work right now. What I did was make my workout fit into my daily life by scheduling the workouts first thing in the morning, packing lunch/snacks as I prepare my breakfast, and alternating dinner preparations with my wife (though she covers most of them :)). For me, it's sort of a set it and forget it plan. If I have to think about it, I won't do it because everything else will seem so much more important. If you take the decision part out, it won't seem so hard.
A resource I use to help with all the other stuff is this book . It's a practical guide to managing the different responsibilities in your life. It might be worth a look for someone as busy as you.
You've made great progress to this point, and this is one of those setbacks that will make the whole journey so much more meaningful.
I haven't had to fit kids into my time for a while now but understand what you're up against timewise. Visit this site for tips:
http://www.workoutsforyou.com/article_exercisekids.htm
Jay's right on. I completely understand the frustration - I can't relate to the two kids thing, and I'm not even going to pretend to.
As Jay said, maybe try to 'plan' out the day? Maybe wake up a half hour early? Not sure if it's reasonable, just throwing out suggestions.
Also, you said something about the pool being closed, and "there goes your workout". What if, if that happens, instead of going into the pool, you throw the kids in the stroller and you and Beck go out for a long walk or something, equivalent to the time you would have spent in the pool?
Also - this is the hardest lesson I've been trying to learn, yet we ALWAYS talk about it.
Eating is 80%, right? If you can't do anything else, it doesn't take any more time to eat right as it does to cheat on meals - if you can't work out, eat stellar.
Hang in there, man. We've seen this before, and we beat it. Let's do it again.
Totally agree with Jay and Rob. You just have to make time for it. Its a priority that you must fit in if its important to you (We all know it is - your part of the fantastic 4). Getting in better shape will improve all the other things in your life like it has already. You got to trim the fat off your body and off your busy schedule. When your watching the kids you can get in your push ups, sit ups, lunges, squats etc. Make games out of it. My son likes to sit on my back when I do push ups. He also tries to replicate sit ups which is pretty hilarious at 2. You probably watch some TV so run in place or jump some rope while watching. Get back to blogging too man your page has been scarce as of late (I know I have no room to talk). I also know I need to take all the advise you got and my own as I have been a little stagnant myself. Anyway Kevin I know its just a matter of time before you get rolling again.
"I'm out of it, right now. No passion, no drive, no desire. I had a few days of defeat, and they have rolled into a lackadaisical feeling about the whole thing."
It sounds to me like there's more going on here than just not having time for your workouts. Like everyone said, even if you were only able to work out occasionally, by eating super-clean you could still see good results. But that's not easy when you're drained of passion and drive and desire.
You need to get that fire re-ignited man. Look through some old blogs. Go rip out some pushups. Think about what you're doing, how far you need to go, and what would happen if you let all this shit get the better of you. Think about throwing it all away.
Only you can motivate yourself, and you have to want to. We're with you all the way.
Kevin, doesn't sound like anyone is buying the whole "i'm too busy" excuse.
Ok. I'm kind of messing with you. I know the odds are against you, but I have faith that you can make it happen. It will cool down a little soon, and I think that you could take the kids out walking or to a park.
I know that's hard when you're trying to balance several jobs at once. Working at home is nice in some ways, but I find that it's harder to stay organized when I'm doing it. Too much stimulation probably.
Anyways, I hope you find your balance soon.
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