Yes.

That's my answer.

What's the question?

"Do I want more?"

Here's the thing: I never wanted to be a Men's Health model. Never wanted to be "ripped" and "cut." Never wanted to be a health nut, eating only organic herbs and veggies I'd never heard of. My only goal in this whole thing was to be better, stronger and faster then when I started in November.

I am. No doubt about it.

And that's my problem.

That photo of me two posts down? I, in my own mind, look GREAT. It's the best picture I've ever taken, actually. If that is how other people see me, than I am a very happy man. I look strong. I look like somebody who deserves respect. I could stay looking like that for the rest of my life, and I'd be thrilled.

But I'm making the public decision today to go for more. I look good in that picture, but I could look better. I look strong in that picture, but I could look stronger. The person in that picture is worthy of respect, but I could look like somebody who demands it.

Better, Stronger, Faster. It's a great motto, right? But why not go for My Best, My Strongest, My Fastest? I think it's time I did.

I still have a LOT of obstacles in my way.

My foot won't allow me to do much in the way of high-impact activities. Excessive running is out. Long walks are possible, but I may have to keep them to five miles or under. I still have no bike. Not one that works, anyway. It's like riding with the rear brake on, and the handlebars sway with every bump. I have no friends, so football or basketball is out. No cash for a gym membership, boxing lessons, personal trainer, buy-in for a hoops/football league...the list goes on.

I know how I work, and it would benefit me GREATLY to incorporate something I love into my workouts. As much of a downfall as it is, I get bored easily. I need to keep my interest level up if I'm going to push forward.

So, that leaves the pool. Though I will try to modify my football conditioning workout (so it's a bit easier on my foot) and get back to that this week.

I'm not big into swimming, though I enjoy it. I can do it a few days a week for my cardio routine. I want to play football. I have a hunger for it. I know if I could get out there a few days a week and play some 5-on-5 touch football, then swim the other days, I'd see some changes. But I can't focus on what I "could" do, I have to focus on what I "can" do.

As for my eating, it's sometimes the most simple things that trip you up. I need to get back to counting calories and drinking water. I haven't done either in weeks. I'm aiming for 2,000 calories per day for the next seven days, along with 80 ounces of water - 10 8-oz. glasses a day. I take out two with dinner, so that leaves eight. At the end of seven days, I'll go back up to my RMR level of 2,400 calories. But I want to aim low for a while.

Will I become that health food guy? Nope. It's just not me. But gone are the strings of days where I eat crap for 5 out of 10 meals. No more "award system" junk food. No more "I deserve this, 'cause I've been doing really well." I'm not going to sit here and tell you that I won't eat a Snicker's in the next 10 days. I may very well. But my goal is to make the crap become the exception, not the rule. And not just an "exception." That leaves the door open for 19 of 40 foods I eat to be bad. No, I'm talking about making these foods scarce. Rare. Almost forgotten. I'm back to whole wheats, lean meats, fruits, veggies - the basics. I'm going back to what got me down almost 80 pounds.

Today, I'm taking part in a modified fast. No breakfast or lunch, and a reasonable dinner. That's it. And water, of course. I want to do this once a week. Staying under 1,000 calories every seven days. Why? No idea. Just to see if I can, I guess. I did it last week, and I was great up until 11pm. We were up late working, and I stared craving a PB sandwich. So I ate one. With a big glass of milk. And extra PB. So, I went from around 750 calories to about 1,100 in 10 minutes. Gotta do better than that.

I think I'm going to skip the September challenge, too. I need to do things for me right now. I haven't focused on my needs in this transformation over the last several weeks. I need to make sure I'm OK before I get back into the team thing. No offense to anybody, at all.

This is a battle with myself. It's not a war against fat. I'm the one who put it there. It's my fault. Wars aren't fought against bullets, but against the people shooting them at you. I've been shooting myself for a long time. I am not beating fat. I'm beating an unhealthy lifestyle, bad choices, lack of focus, scarce determination, and unimpressive drive. Those things are all 100% on me.

And now it's time for me to deal with it.