Picture Day! Yes, You Get the Boxer-Brief Treatment.

Today's Weigh-In: 286.4

I will be heading to the pool for an hour this afternoon, so I fully expect a weigh-in in the 285's tomorrow, ensuring a Closer's victory. I think that would give me a 5-ish pound loss this week, and a 6.5-ish pound loss over the last two weeks.

Anyway, off to the pics.

Before (12-2005): 365-ish
Now: 286.4


Before (June 8, 2007): 298.6
Now: 286.4


And this one is for the ladies. Or for my ego. Either way. It's a Billy-inspired pose. Enjoy.

Seriously?

Why? Why would they do this?

About last Night

Swimming:

30 Hard Minutes of Various Strokes (snuck out to see a movie with that title when I was 16.)

Concentrated Mostly on the Breast Stroke, and some other stroke that I don't know the name of, where you lie on your back, kick, and kind of do a snow angel. I tried to do it HIIT-style, but it's tough in a pool. Essentially, I went one lap, then treaded water for 30 seconds or so, then hit the next lap.

15 Minutes of Casual Swimming (a cool down, if you will.)

I was pooped last night, and my shoulders and parts of my back are sore this morning.

No pool tonight as my boss is coming over to work on some things, and to have dinner. And maybe no pool tomorrow, as Beck is likely going to have to work all day. Maybe there will be a spare hour in there somewhere.

Eating:

It's easy to stay under your calories when you have no food in the house. I barely topped 1,500 yesterday, and that was only because I was craving a late-evening bowl of Honey Nut Cheerio's.

Today will be similar, though we're having turkey lasagna for dinner, and that's about 500 calories per slice. I happen to be a 2-slice guy. And don't worry, it's whole wheat pasta, and low fat cheeses.

My Weight:

286.4.

For those of you keeping score at home, that's a 2.4 pound drop from yesterday, which was my lowest weigh-in to date.

I've said it before, and I'll say it again: I can lose weight like the Lions lose football games - easily - if I have the right tools to do it. Again, in college, I weighed in on January 5th at 297. My weeks consisted of basketball three nights per week, an occasional trip to the weight room, and eating Burger King, Pizza, Little Debbie's, and nasty cafeteria food. By the end of the semester - late May - I tipped the scale at 239. I lost 58 pounds in a little over five months while eating like CRAP.

I know for a fact that if I would have the privilege of a gym, or a more free schedule, I'd be down frighteningly close to my 260 goal right now. Last January (2006), I weighed in at 365 pounds at a Dr's visit. Today, I weighed 286. That's almost 80 pounds in 21 months, only 10 or 11 of those months was I actually trying to do something about it.

This is why I've been so frustrated. I know I can lose weight much faster than I have been. I know how my body works. You can look back and see it in this blog. When I hit the reset button and took control of my eating, and made sure to ride every night, I lost four pounds in five days. I've lost 8 in 14 days. I've done that a few times over the course of these eight months.

Sure some of it was may fault for losing focus. I'm the first to own up to my errors in this journey. You don't have to re-gain control unless you lose it in the first place. That said, I was out of control in college, and I lost 60 pounds because I had the ability to exercise.

It's frustrating as all get out to know I COULD be doing better, but I don't have the means with which to do better. Bad foot, 2 jobs, 2 kids, no spare cash for the gym, broken bike...I have a lot of things working against me.

Yet here I am, sitting at 286.4.

Always moving forward.

EDIT

This also puts me at 61 pounds lost since Thanksgiving of 2006. That's a decent number.

For the Record...

I just want everybody to be on the same page.

Long walks and runs/jogs of any length are out, as my foot does not handle the stress well, anymore. I'm guessing years of carrying around 300+ pounds after two major surgeries has taken its toll. With my bike broken, the pool is my best bet.

And I wasn't exaggerating when I said that my spare time with two kids and two jobs allows me, at best, to make lunch or hit the bathroom.

As for making time, I think you all know me better than that by now. If I felt there were time, I'd take it. If I could get up at 6 and hit the pool while Beck was getting ready, I'd be all over it. But the pool is closed until 10am, and I am obviously busy during that time.

Could I have left people hanging and gone swimming this week? Yep. But that's not who I am. I had a scheduled phone call with my new boss. I told a person coming to buy a chair I'd wait for him. I wanted to keep the kids out of Beck's hair while she worked so she wouldn't get frustrated, and could get her stuff done. For better or worse, I'm an "others first" guy. If I feel that somebody else needs my help, helping them becomes the priority.

Last night, Becky said that can be a fault for me sometimes, too. Maybe she's right. But if I feel people need me, or are relying on me, I don't want to give them any reason to doubt my ability to meet those needs.

I'm just rambling, I guess. I just wanted everybody to know where I am, and that I'm not looking for excuses. Everybody's advice is appreciated, and I wish it were just as simple as "make time", "go walk", "make it happen", etc.

Right now, it's not.

Anyway, in the midst of all of this, I hit a new low of 288.8 this morning. Something to build on, I guess.

Yep, Billy's Right

I'm out of it, right now. No passion, no drive, no desire. I had a few days of defeat, and they have rolled into a lackadaisical feeling about the whole thing.

Here's the deal:

My bike is dead. It still rolls, but that's about it. I hit a bump, and the handlebars turn to the right. But the tire stays straight. It doesn't shift, anymore. The back tire is bent so badly that keeping speed on a level surface is like trudging up a hill in low gear.

So, I decided to switch things up and hit our pool. Just taking my shirt off to go in the pool was a tough step, but I did it. Beck and I stayed in there for a good hour - swimming laps, doing handstands, lifting the other person as high out of the water as we could - it was a solid workout. I was winded when we were done, and I was sore the next morning.

So, I figured this would be my new free gym. I planned to go back Sunday, but Beck had a project to finish, and I stayed home to help keep the kids out of her hair so she could work unimpeded. No pool Sunday.

Monday we had a guy coming over to buy a recliner we were selling. He was supposed to be here at 7, but he got lost and didn't show up until 7:45. By the time he checked the chair and we loaded it up, it was after 8. I was waiting for a phone call from my boss at 8:30, so no pool on Monday.

Last night we had to go run some errands and get some dinner, and by the time we were back, I had a migraine the size of Tokyo. No pool Tuesday.

Tonight, Becky's sister is coming up to learn how to swim, as she's preparing to go into the Air Force, and she needs to know the basics for a survival course. It'd be a little odd for me to teach her, so Beck will go swim with her, and I'll stay here with the kids. No pool tonight.

And for those of you saying we should take the kids to the pool? The kids are 2-years-old and 10 months. If Beck and I both go, we each get one kid, and neither of us gets a workout.

It feels like EVERYTHING is working against me. I'm now working three jobs from home if you count the kids, so time is even more rare for me. I have about 2-3 hours per night that could be set aside for "me" time, but it seems like we always have something going on that prevents me from taking advantage of those open hours. And if Beck has anything going on - side projects, sister coming up, needing some rest - it's my job to let her get those things done by keeping the kids out of her hair.

I don't even have time for my old school push up routine. I'm stretched pretty thin with job 1, job 2, and kids A and B right now. Spare time during the day allows me to eat a sandwich, or go to the bathroom.

I keep thinking, "Hey, I'm working now. I can go get the boxing membership, or a 24HourFitness membership, and the problem is solved." The problem is, I don't get paid for another three weeks, and August is the month where we're going to be catching with all of our bills from the months where I wasn't working.

Rob blogged yesterday about feeling like he was on four flat tires. I feel like I'm trying to go forward while the car is in reverse. As hard as I try to go forward, something is pulling me backwards.

I wish there were just a switch I could flip to get out of this rut, but the truth is, I just need some time. Time for me to get my workouts in, and time for me to mentally come out of this.

Better

Weigh In: 289.2 (new low)
5-Day: 290.32

Hasn't been a great 24 hours on a personal level, so I'm not going to be very talkative today. But I did just want to document the weight, and show that my fluctuation only lasted a day this time around. I guess I can deal with that.

Why I HATE the 5-Day

Weigh In: 291.8 (What in God's name??)
5-Day: 290.84

I've been the king of body weight fluctuations over the last several months. If you've been following my blog for any length of time, than you know my body likes to freak out on me, and jump up two, three, even four pounds overnight quite often, usually for no good reason. It's as frustrating as "frustrating" can be, but it's just what my messed up body does.

Well, the evil Dr. Fluctuation has struck again.

Up over two pounds from yesterday's weight, with a quick and intense, against-the-wind 3-4 mile bike ride, and perfect eating. Makes sense, huh?

Now, I will admit that I ate poorly on Tuesday night. Beck and I were both under strict deadlines, and we didn't have time to cook dinner. So, we took the easy way out, and got pizza. I ended the day about 500 calories over my target of 2,400. But that was two days ago, and it was 500 calories. I don't think that played that big of a role in a 2-pound fluctuation today.

How long does it take for your body to register what you put it through? If I eat 2400 calories today, but I box, ride my bike, play some basketball, and take a run, and I burn 3500 more than I take in, will I lose a pound tomorrow? Will it show on the scale a few days from now? On the same token, if I don't work out at all today, and I eat 5,900 calories, will I put on a pound tomorrow?

I've done variations of both over the last seven or eight months, and from my experience, it seems much more likely that the latter will happen. I've eaten 500 to 1,000 calories over a few times, and I've put on three pounds the next day. I've eaten 2400 on the nose, and burned 2000 calories off, and my weight stays the same, or barely budges. Sometimes, it's even gone up a few pounds.

Of course, I've also eaten 1,000 calories over, and lost a pound the next day.

I know it's not an exact science every time, but I wish I understood my body a little better than I do. It would help take the edge off of these funky weigh ins.

Let's just hope I can drop back down by Sunday.

Continuing my 2-Blogs-Per-Day Trend...

I'll just post this. No words are necessary. Though I will say I'm a good 11 pounds lighter now than I was in the June picture.

Whee!

Weigh In: 289.6 (Goal Accomplished!)
5 Day: 291.12 (Gotta get this 293.2 off my record!)

Finally, I hit my first goal on time in this transformation.

I was hoping to weigh in under 290 at least once by 7/22, after weighing in at 294.4 on the 13th. That gave me nine days to lose 4.5 pounds. With four days to go, I'm already down 4.8 pounds.

Some important facts about the number 289:

I have now lost over 70 pounds since January of 2006.
I have now lost over 57 pounds since Thanksgiving 2006.
I am now under 30 pounds to my goal weight of 260.

I know, my 5-day still has me over 291, but I have a 293.2 that drops off tomorrow, and a 291.8 that will drop off the next day. So, even if I maintain my weight (which I have ZERO plans to do), I'll drop under 290 in two days.

Whee!

An Addendum to my Last Post

So, I've been swamped today. No time for breakfast, period. I've been sitting at my computer working since I posted my last blog entry.

Just a few seconds ago, I was able to get up and use the restroom.

And there was my scale.

So, I disrobed, got on top of it (the scale), and weighed in.

289.4.

So, my question is this:

If I haven't eaten anything, haven't worked out, just sat at a computer for 3 hours, can I use this as my real weigh in? Had I eaten, gone for a walk, etc, I'd say no. But I've done nothing but type for three hours. Though I did change a diaper.

What say you?

Soooooo Close

Weigh In: 290.0 (new low!)
4-Day: 291.5

Got up, jumped on the scale, got a 291.0, then realized I had to "use the bathroom." I used said bathroom, and jumped back up on the scale. Got a 290.0. I felt excited, yet frustrated. To get that close to a somewhat big goal is painful. Close, but not close enough.

Well, as I was getting dressed, and preparing to start the day, I realized I had a little left in the tank, if you know what I mean. So, back in I went, forcing out what little remained. Thinking I may have gotten rid of another .2, I jumped back up on the scale, only to see the 290.0 again.

So, the goal will have to wait another day, it seems.

Still, I'm pretty happy. This puts me down 4.4 pounds since Friday. That's not too shabby, especially since I had no time for my bike ride yesterday. I'm working two jobs simultaneously - three if you count the two kids - so anything besides work/responsibility has to wait until after the hours of 7am and 6pm. Last night we had to head right out the door after dinner for a meeting with my boss, and that lasted until 9:15pm. So, it wasn't going to happen.

Still, I was all over my diet - eating 100% clean, and I was able to see another pound come off. I guess I'll stop complaining about the .2, and look at the big picture.

I'm back on track.

We Have Made Contact...

I was bored, and thought I'd weigh myself, just for the heck of it.

290.0

That's with no workout yet today, and regular food intake. I won't count it, as a midday weigh-in could be way off of accurate. But I made contact with the next decade down, and I likes it. If it holds up, that's 4.4 pounds in four days.

Shows what a person can do when he puts his mind and heart into it.

Hidden Fat, My REAL Weight Goal, Visualization

Weigh In: 291.0 (lowest ever!)
3-Day: 292.0

This is my third day in a row with a nice weight loss, and I am very excited about that. Since I reset this whole thing on Friday, I've been all over this 'weight loss' thing. The diet, if anything, has been too good. I had to cheat last night to get my calories up to the 2,400 range. My last three days were 1,600+, 1,800+, and then around 2,450 last night. I need to get the calories up before my body starts conserving my fatness.

We've all talked about the fact that once we hit our original weight goals, there's a great chance we're going to need to re-evaluate and take some more poundage off. Well, I've known that for a while, but I think it's starting to sink in just how far I have to go, still.

I have about 32 pounds to go to get to my original goal of 260, which is what I weighed when I met Becky six years ago. As I look at myself in the mirror, or rub my big, ol belly, I have to think that I probably have most of that 32 pounds hanging above my belt buckle. If I were to totally get rid of my belly 32 pounds from now, I'd be a happy man. A) I don't think I can, B) That leaves a lot of fat that others might not see.

You all know what I'm talking about. I'm talking about the little hangy stuff under your arm, up by your pit. I'm talking the little pouch on the pubic bone. I'm talking the upper thighs, just south of Crotch Land. I can't estimate fat weight by looking or jiggling, but I've got to assume that I have another 10 pounds - at least - that is hiding in my crooks and crevices.

So, I'm thinking 245 is more along the lines of where I need to be when this is all over. I was 239 in college, but I was a bean pole. I didn't work out at all, so I honestly looked anorexic. I know I have more lean mass now than I did then, and as I continue working, I'll build more. I'm hoping 245 looks good on me.

But how good? Billy and others were talking about visualizing yourself with the body you want to have, and I've been thinking about it a little since then. The truth is, I have NO idea.

Many of the FAT members have seen this, but I used to want to look like former NFL player and pro wrestler Bill Goldberg. Dude's just a big muscle.

And while that's all good and fine, I think he might be TOO muscular for me. I don't want to look like a pro wrestler, but I wanna look like I could be one if I wanted to.

Really, my only visualization shows me in a form-fitting Under Armour shirt, and having it look good. Pretty simple, I know, but check this commercial out, and you'll see WHY I want to end up where this guys are (-ish).

Week 3 Stats

Weigh In: 291.8

That's only one pound down from last week, but it's 2.6 pounds down from my "reset" on Friday. I worked my tail off the last two days - bike rides, swimming, perfect eating. I'm kind of proud that I made it down over two pounds since I got my head back on straight.

No push ups for me today, at least not this morning. My bad shoulder has been acting up this week, and my last set of push ups on Friday was pretty painful. So, I'll chill out today and see if it feels better by tonight. Hopefully so, as I still want to break 20 in the challenge. Guess we'll see.

For the record, I'm fully expecting to be down in the upper 280's by this time next week. I'm aiming for a weigh-in of at least 288 next Sunday.

Have a good Sunday, all.

Square One

It dawned on Beck and I last night that we were slowly allowing ourselves to slip back into our old habits. Between us and our two-year-old, we took out almost a full carton of ice cream last night because of some new stress we didn't handle well. We had pizza two nights ago to 'celebrate' my new job. Our diets have been poor this week. I don't think either of us have gone over our caloric max by much, if at all, so it could be worse. But it's the direction we're going that worries me.

Back in October, when I decided to start this whole thing, I blogged about how food was my go-to celebratory or mourning partner. Little Debbie's, cheesecake, cookies, pizza, wings, chinese...a little bit of everything. I recognized back then that food was my biggest enemy, and over the last seven months, I've done a pretty good job of forming new habits, and making good choices. I mean, I asked for more broccoli last week. I hated broccoli a few months ago. I snack on carrots, people. Not even with dip - just carrots.

I'm in a better place, now.

But over the last month, I've let myself lose focus. My workouts have become sporadic, even with the bike. And while that's not all my fault, I know I could be trying harder. My food intake is also becoming an issue, again.

I'm back at 294 today. I've been stuck in the 292 - 296 range for over five weeks, now. That can't happen.

I think that part of my problem is that I've become content. I look better, I feel better, I have no pants that fit - all signs that I should be on a weight-loss commercial as an 'after' picture. But I've allowed myself to forget that I'm still taking 'during' pictures. I'm proud of the weight I've lost. But I'm not done.

So, as of right now, I'm erasing everything I've done. Today is Day One of my new weight loss program. This blog will follow on my journey to lose 34 pounds.

Here are my general goals:

> Ride at least one hour per night, five nights per week.
> Count calories daily.
> Stay at or below 2,406 calories per day.
> Keep 'cheats' to 10% of total meals per week.
> Complete 3-4 sets of max push ups per day.
> Work up to 30 elevated push ups.
> Get back to a size 38 waist.

Here are my weight-loss goals:

> Weigh in at 289.8 at least once by 7/22
> Weigh in at 279.8 at least once by 9/1
> Weigh in at 269.8 at least once by 10/10
> Hit my goal of 260.0 at least once by 11/10

I don't like the fact that I feel I need to start from scratch, but drastic times call for drastic measures, I guess.

...

Stress Levels Lowering

I've been failing miserably the last few days. Less working out, more eating out. The stress has been KILLING me, and Becky. It's been tough. Long nights, wet eyes, anxiety attacks...and I'm not making any of that up. It's been rough.

But our stress level will be lowering, soon.

I was just offered a job as the Editor in Chief for Colorado Hockey Insider. It's part time, with good perks, but it'll take care of our financial needs. And adding in the fact that they'd like Becky to do some of the design, that's extra pay to help us take care of our needs, and then some.

I thought to myself last night that one of my biggest personal issues is that my daughters had no real reason to be proud of me. I was a diaper-changer, and part time HTML editor. Not much to look up to. But this gives me the opportunity to make them, and my wife, proud.

It's just what I've been needing to relieve us from our stress, and to take care of things we badly need to have taken care of. Our truck needs tires - BADLY. Our kids are growing out of more clothes every day. My wife is shrinking out of hers every day. And daddy needs some contacts, baby.

And with less stress comes more focus on my weight loss. And better control over my eating.

For the first time in a LONG time, things look good for us.

I'm a happy guy tonight.

Not This Week

I don't like losing. I sure don't like being last place in anything. It won't happen again. Mark it down.

You're All Screwed, Now

As (kind of) spoken by John McClane (who I want to be like when I grow up):

"Now I have a mountain bike. Ho-ho-ho."

My weakness in this whole thing has been a lack of desire to do things I hate - running, elliptical, stationary bike, etc. I've always had to enjoy what I was doing for it to take hold. It's a shortcoming, and I've paid the price. Yes, I've lost a rather impressive 63+ pounds since last January, and an also semi-impressive 51+ pounds since Thanksgiving. And I've done it with NOTHING in the way of tools. It's been family walks and push ups. But I could have done much more had I made myself get on one of those machines before now.

Well, the problem is now solved.

I just got back from a 10-mile-ish bike ride, during which I never stopped peddling. Slight inclines, slight declines, didn't matter. I kept pumping the legs. I'm hurting right now, to be honest. About a mile in, my biking muscles were all, "Dude, what the hell??" Coming up my three flights of stairs, my legs all but gave out twice, and as I sit here, they are shaking just a little. I'm not sure I can do this every day right now. I may have to build up. It hurts.

But I love it.

I've always been able to bike. Even when I hit the wall, I'm able to push through and keep going. When I was a kid, I used to pretend I was on CHiP's, and it motivated me to go fast like Ponch and John. That doesn't work as much these days. Still, I made it. I loved it. And now, the weight will melt off this frame of mine.

There were some issues. I'm gonna need a new seat. I've never been to prison, but I have to assume the whole "violation" thing feels similar to that narrow seat getting lodged places upon hitting a bump. And the shifters are screwed up. It only has three gears: "Way easy", "kind of easy", and "Dear Lord, make it stop." But a bad bike is better than a good TV show any day.

I hate to say it, but the GOYADS are screwed. You had a shot before I was mobile, but now it's all over. Ten pounds in July? Pssshhhht. I've got your ten right here, and here's three more. You heard me. Thirteen pounds. Bring it.*

*The following was written while Mr. Antcliff was still in a euphoric state. It's possible he won't remember any of this when he gets out of the shower. He cannot be held accountable for these words. Please don't be mad at him. He knows not what he does.

Guess What I Got??

It looks NOTHING like this, and it needs some serious work, but I needed a pic of a red Mountain bike.

It needs some new handlebars, some brakes, probably a bigger seat, and a good cleaning - but what do you expect for a $20 thrift store bike? I don't think it's quite big enough, either. But I'd rather be a little snug on a bike and getting some exercise than comfy on a couch watching TV.

In bad news, I'm getting frustrated with my weight. Several days ago, Beck and I gave into the stress - again - and we ate too much. We paid for it the next day. My weight was back up to 298.6. That's 5.6 pounds overnight from BBQ wings, ice cream, some drinks, and some candy. I worked my way back down to 297-ish on Monday, 296.8 on Tuesday, 296.2 on Wednesday, 296.2 again yesterday, and I'm back up to 296.4 today.

I ate pretty clean on the 4th - a few chips, one scoop of potato salad, a piece of steak, a deviled egg, and two cookies spread out over three hours. If I went over my calories, it wasn't by much, as I ate accordingly for breakfast and lunch. Plus, we went running Wednesday morning, played "go get it" catch for another 30 minutes, and then we played catch for a while again that evening before the fireworks. Yesterday I ate very clean, but I was probably about 200 calories over my 2,406.

The bike is going to help. It has to. The plan is to ride at least 10 miles every day, seven days a week. I did that when I was in high school, and I stayed in pretty good shape - and that was with a crappy diet. I'd like to think that solid eating, 70+ miles a week on the bike, and other activities with the family (football, walks, etc) will get this weight off pretty quickly.

Let's hope.

Foot Update

Well, after sleeping on it, I have realized that my foot freaking hurts. I am taking this to mean that my foot would greatly appreciate me not using it for activities such as jogging, running football routes, taking long walks, or standing on it for an extended period of time.

That kind of limits my activities, huh?

Now I'm not sure what to do. Running is out. Walks are leaning towards out. No money for a gym (pool!) membership. Same with boxing.

Finding that bike sure would be a good thing right now.

We're going to go to a local pawn shop that sells bikes tonight. Hopefully we'll get lucky and find a big boy bike.

Sometimes it sucks being 6' 8".

Running Wild

Kind of.

This is a picture of a 400m running track, similar to the one at our local high school.


I ran it today, just to see if I could do it. There was about a 15 second period of time where I walked at a very quick pace, but the rest of the time, I jogged.

When I reached the 1/2-way point, the voice of rationalization started spouting off in my head.

"Dude. You went 1/2 way around the track. That's pretty good! Go ahead and walk the rest of the way. You never used to be able to go this far, so be happy. No need to push yourself."

I had no part of that.

It wasn't easy, but I made myself keep moving. I slowed down, sure. But I didn't stop. I don't stop, anymore. I always move forward.

I was actually kind of bummed that I walked those 100 or so feet. I am proud that I was able to go that far, but I wanted to go all the way. Still, I'll take what victories I can get. And I DO see this has a victory for me.

For the sake of numbers, 400m is 1,312.33 feet, just under 1/4 of a mile. My time, including the walking was 2:33. That put me on pace for just over a 10-minute mile. I'm sure I would have slowed more as I fatigued, but I'll take the 2:33 and be proud.

In other news, my foot seems to be holding up, even after running routes for Becky. If we had time, I would have stayed out there catching passes for hours. It's how I am. I sometimes struggle to get going with exercise, but once I get moving, it's hard to make myself stop.

Also, no go on the bike. Which sucks.

Everybody have a good one!

I'm Out

Everybody have a fun, fantastic Fourth! Be healthy, but have a good time.

A Little Less Painful

Weigh In: 294.0 (up .4 pounds)
5-Day: 293.56 (up .12 pounds)

294 is better than 295.4, but it's still painful.

I emailed a guy with two large-framed bikes for sale for $10 each yesterday, but I haven't heard back. That would be a huge difference-maker for me right now. Having a bike would allow me to get away from things for an hour or so a day, it would allow me to work off about 600 calories extra, and it would allow me to feel free once in a while.

It's strange how something as simple as a bike - when attaining one is out of your reach - becomes so important. Right now, a bike is the Holy Grail to my Monty Python. It's the Lost Ark to my Indiana Jones. It's the Red October to my Jack Ryan.

It would be nice.

Pending

I'm not weighing myself again for another hour. I refuse.

Here's the deal: My calories were perfect yesterday. I ate clean, and I came in roughly 200 calories under my target of 2,406. Now, I DID have too many carbs. I had a piece of whole wheat lasagna for lunch, and we had whole wheat spaghetti (with turkey meatballs! Mmm!) for dinner. There's a lot of carbs in Italian food, even if they are good carbs.

But would the carbs make me gain almost TWO FREAKING POUNDS from yesterday? I have a hard time believing that. Yet, my scale read 295.4 this morning.

I'll weigh again in an hour. Maybe I'll lose some weight in the restroom.

Or maybe my body has just decided that 2,400 calories just isn't going to cut it, anymore.

I don't know, but STILL being in the 290's is starting to get frustrating.

I Found It!

It was hidden on the hard drive we moved over to the new computer.

So, allow me to do it right:

Weigh In: 293.6 (wrong way!)
5-Day: 293.44 (new low)

I Hate Days Like This

I have nothing to say. Not a thing. No words of wisdom. No complaints. No issues that need to be dealt with. Nothing. Just....nothing.

Weigh In: 293.6 (wrong way!!!)
5-Day: I have no idea. My computer died, and we lost the spreadsheet. Which sucks.

That's about it, guys. Sorry to bore you today.

Buh-Bye.

The Challenge - Week 1 Numbers

Starting Points

Weigh In: 293.0 (tied for my lowest)
Elevated Feet Push Ups: 10

4-Week Goals

Weight: 282.8
Push Ups: 25

**EDIT**

Feel free to chat about the Challenge at the Shift Forums. You may have to register, and wait for me to approve your account. Please let me know what name you'll be using so I know you aren't a porn spammer. Rob, this means no spamming porn, man.

I'm Too Sexy For This Blog - Blog's Going To Leave Me...

2 Much Drama

OK, I'm not a big fan of drama, especially when it surrounds, of all things, weight loss blogs. I have enough drama to deal with, so I'm gonna go ahead and put my feet up and relax for a couple days until this all calms down.

There just seems to be a lot going on, and the fact that it's resorted to name-calling, accusations, etc, it's just not my style right now. I'm sure everybody has their reasons for acting the way they are, and saying the things they feel they need to say. I ain't mad at ya. I'm just gonna mind my bidness, and worry about my fatness.

I still have a lot of fatness to worry about.

All is well. I'm not quitting. I'm just not going to blog for a few days. No biggie.

Realizations From a Fitter Dude

Just some random, fitness-related thoughts floating through the spare room in my head...

- Change is Only Skin Deep
I've changed A LOT about myself in the last eight months. I think I've become a better husband. I hope I've become a better daddy to my girls. I know I'm healthier and more active. I've tried to become more understanding and caring. I've always put others before myself, but I hope I've done that well enough recently.

Still, I feel like the old Kevin. I don't feel like "I" have changed, I just feel like I'm acting as though I've changed. The shell that holds me looks and acts differently, but I just don't know how much change the person inside has experienced.

Hopefully enough.

- I'm Still Not 'Hot'
Same basic idea as above.

I've worked hard to get to where I am right now. I'm healthier now than I've been in over five years, and I look better today at 293 than I did five years ago at 280. But, having said all that, I'm still not the guy who women whisper about (OK, I am, but not in the good way). And it's not like I'm in the market for anything new. Beck and I have talked about this a LOT over the last year. It's a nice boost to the ego to have somebody tell you you're good looking, sexy, hot, whatever. Beck was told that she resembles JessicaBiel from 'Stealth' a few days ago. Whether or not she believed it, you have to assume that hearing a comment like that makes you feel pretty freaking good.

I don't want to be the hot one for anybody but myself. I want to feel good about who I am, and what I look like. I don't want to impress anybody. I don't want to get hit on. But I want to hear that what I'm doing is really turning me into the person I want to be.

I guess having a realization like this is good. It keeps you from really feeling good about where you are. You don't push as hard when you're content, I suppose. And as long as I still feel like I'm fat (hello! I'm still a good 35 pounds overweight!), I'll keep trying not to be.

This whole "ugly friend" thing has followed me since high school. All of my friends were the ones who got the girls, and the girls would come to me and ask me to tell my friends that they were hot. It got old after about eight years. It's just something that will bug me for a long time, I have a feeling. They say that the person you were in high school is the same person you are now, but they are buried under the layers of life you've added on. That's too bad, because I was never a big fan of high school Kevin.

Oh well. This transformation is all about change. So now I can invent the person I want to be.

Life isn't about finding yourself. Life is about creating yourself.

- I Make Excuses
I do. It's bad sometimes.

The truth is, my foot STILL hurting from Saturday worries me. The last thing I need is a reconstructive surgery to repair my other two reconstructive surgeries.

So, I say I have to have a bike, or I can't exercise anymore. A bike would be very nice right now, yes. But I can walk. I can find an hour at night to go to our clubhouse and get on the elliptical. But I keep coming up with reasons why I can't do that. Some are legit, others are...not so much.

I might be the only Coalitioner without a gym, or a trainer, or with kids at home that I care for all day, or no bike, or no workout friends, etc, but I can make time. I can find the energy. It's mind over matter, and the matter is winning most days.

Could my situation be better? Yup. Could I do better with what I have to work with? Yup.

- I Want More From Life
Duh. Don't we all?

I've been through this before, but I'll quickly re-hash it.

I love my three girls more than anything in the universe. I am honored that I'm one of very few dads who get to spend all sorts of time with his daughters. I love having no schedule to live by. I love a lot of things about my life.

But I'm not who I want to be. I want to publish magazines. I want to be a writer. I want to provide amazing things for my family. I want to be "known."

I've always wanted to go into a Target, buy some Fruit of the Loom Boxer-Briefs, put my credit card down, and have the cashier say something like "Wait. Kevin Antcliff? THE Kevin Antcliff from '___________'? Wow. I love your stuff!"

It's that ego thing again, and I know that. But how cool of a feeling would that be?

Still, it would pale in comparison to making my family happy, and keeping them stress-free. I want to be a provider. I want to be the big, strong caveman who brings home the tiger that I killed with my bare hands.

Ugh.

- I Come Across Like a Whiner
And I don't mean to. It's my blog, so sometimes I ramble. What good is a blog if you can't share how you feel, r what you're thinking? These are some of the battles I fight everyday during this transformation, so I might as well discuss them, huh?

That's it. Everybody have a good one, and I'll talk to you tomorrow.

-KA

I'm Back

Weigh-In: 293.4
5-Day: 295.16

Took a few days off to clear my head, and let my increasing weight fester a bit.

I weighed in as high as 296 over the last two days, and it was enough to get my average back into the mid-295's. I wasn't a big fan. I wasn't eating perfectly, but I was staying near my 2,400 calorie level. Also, thanks to the sore sugery foot, I have done exactly sqaut for exercise the last three days.

So what happens today? I get a new low on the scale. I don't understand it, so I just shake my head and get some Cherrio's. If there's one thing I've learned over the last eight months, it's that none of this ever makes sense. I mean, just go read Rob's blog for an example of what I mean. No way should he have put on eight pounds in a week. That's over 25,000 extra calories he would have had to eat in the last six days. Not a chance.

The important thing is that we all keep pushing. Life gets in the way sometimes, but we all need to control what we can control. Things aren't going well for many of us right now, but we can still eat right and stay active. So, that's my advice to you this morning.

Now, on to something a little more fun.

Billy and Kristen are both pretty close to hitting their goals. The rest of us still have a way to go, but we're working on it. My question to all of you is, what are you planning on doing to celebrate?

I used to shave my head whenever I needed to make a change, or when I hit a milestone, but now that I'm pretty much bald, that wouldn't be too drastic of a change.

But I'm submitting to you all the idea that, when you hit your goal weight, you do something crazy to welcome the new you. If you're blonde, you become a brunette. If you have hair, you shave it. Don't have a tattoo of the Old English D on your shoulder, GET one.

That last one might be my plan, but I'm not sure. It's tempting, and it's WAY outside of anything I'd ever really consider doing.

Here's my list of things I think those of us I know best should all do to celebrate their goals:

Billy:
Off with the beard! I wanna see a clean-shaven, 190-lb dude.
Kristen:
Blondes have more fun, so I've been told. Time for you to find out!
Becky:
Black hair would like nice on you. Let's find out.
Rob:
I have no clue. You're bald like me, so a head shave ain't gonna work. You could go the tattoo route, I suppose. You have any suggestions?

And for me? Repping the D from the Mile High City. The Old English D will look nice on my shoulder.

What about everybody else? Any major plans of celebration? Would you like some? I can be pretty creative.

Taking the Bad With the Good

Let me start by talking about Saturday.

I made myself proud, if only for a couple of hours.

As Beck mentioned, she went on a bike ride while I hung with the kids. She then took the kids to her parents' house, giving me some time to do some work. So, I hit the trail. It's roughly a 3-mile circle. I'm not now, nor will I ever be, a runner. But I do what I can.

My goal this time was just to run more than I did last time. So, I started out jogging for 60-90 seconds, then walking for 60 seconds. I started strong, and I followed this pattern for about 2/3 of a mile. I finished the last 1/3 by running for 30 seconds, and walking the rest. Not impressive compared to most of you, but for me, it was pretty good. I ran most of a mile, which I haven't done in a good six years.

I then walked the rest of the 3 miles, coming home in a little over 50 minutes. Not too shabby for somebody who hates it as much as I do.

What made me most proud was that I made sure to take the hard way home - about 2/3 of a mile up a good 8% grade. It was 90 degrees, the wind was blowing in my face, and I was walking uphill at a 3.5 mph pace after running almost a mile. The voice in my head kept telling me to turn around, but I didn't recognize the voice, and I don't talk to strangers. So I kept going the hard way.

Then, a few hours later (after a grilled chicken salad for lunch), we went to the local high school, and we played some catch. It was nothing major, but I was sure to make Becky lead me on some crossing patterns so I'd have to run hard to get to the ball.

Man, I felt like I was 18 again. I was leaping, diving, sprinting, falling - I felt like an athlete for the first time in at least six years. I was making behind-the-back catches, I was leaping backwards - falling on my can - to reach a high pass. I was jumping, turning, and catching a ball thrown behind me. I was a machine. And here's the kicker, I was pushing BECK! I was wiped out, and I could barely move...but I kept running. I kept diving. I kept pushing myself.

It was my proudest moment of this transformation.

Once we got home, I decided to weigh myself. I was 294.0 Saturday AM, so I was hoping for a number that was pretty close. What I got was a 292.4. I was within reach of 290.

Now the bad stuff...

I took Sunday off, mainly because I had 2 reconstructive surgeries on my right foot in the mid-90s, and I was told not to run on it, anymore. Well, it was killing last night. So badly that I iced it. I haven't iced that foot since I was recovering from the last surgery in 1996. So, I'm thinking running might not happen for me. At least not with the kind of stress I put on it Saturday.

And how about my weigh-ins?

Well, I have eaten 100% clean since Wednesday night. My weight was steadily dropping, hitting an impressive 294, and a midday 292.4. So, with my incresed activity, and with my perfect calorie intake, I was looking to see more 292's the last two days.

Instead, I got a 295, and a 295.8. I'm up almost two pounds in two days - my two best transformation days in a month. Today's 295.8 put my average back over 295, and it's my worst weight in six days.

It's just enough bad to overshadow the good. It kind of took the wind out of my sails today, to be honest. I know it's nothing everybody else hasn't had to deal with, but it's still a blow to my motivation.

But, I keep pressing on. I want to see a 289 on the scale by Sunday morning, but I now have over five pounds to lose to get there. Not sure I can make it happen. I can only control what I do and how I eat and hope it all works out.

Guess we'll see.

Must See TV

Weigh In: 294.0 (new low)
5-Day: 295.24 (new low)
Calories: 1,908 (low to make up for 2,900 the day before)

OK, tell me you're not dying to go find and hire these guys after watching these videos. I would KILL for some off-the-wall training like this. And if it made me look like a Spartan (from '300', not East Lansing. I'm a Wolverine, baby), all the better.

Enjoy.

"Floor Wipers"
(What song is that? It's awesome.)


The '300' Workout

For the B Team.

Use this, and you guys will beat us. Seriously. Use this.

Keeping It Short

Weight was back up, but that was my fault. Had a cheat meal that turned into a cheat night. I knew better, and felt like CRAP what I was done, so I deserve the 296.2 I got today. I've got to stop the emotional eating. Good news - eat. Bad news - eat. I have the power to stop it, but I don't. At least not as often as I should.

5-Day still went down, but not as much as I would have liked. It now sits at 296.04. I'll get back on track today and knock down a 294 again tomorrow.

I'm meeting with my boss at the magazine on Monday to discuss a possible expansion of the web site I'm running. It could mean pretty big things. Essentially, MHS.com could be to MHS the Magazine what ESPN.com is to ESPN the network. Much smaller scale, but same idea. That would help me out in many ways.

It doesn't take much to lose your good mood, huh? I started out in one this morning, then it got better when I heard about the web site, but then a dose of reality set in, and I realized I didn't have that much to be excited about today.

Oh, well. Another day, another struggle. It's getting to be normal to just try to keep my head above water, so I'm getting used to this feeling.

Back to treading water.

Dance Break!

No Change, But I'm 'Aight

Weigh-In: 294.8
5-Day: 296.2

Well, I didn't lose anything yesterday, but I didn't gain anything. I'm fine with that, as my 5-Day dropped down to a new low at 296.2. If I weigh anything under 298 tomorrow, it'll drop well into the 295's, so I really can't complain about that one bit.

I have a ton of energy today, and I'm not sure why. It's just one of those mornings where you wake up, and you don't see why you can't take on the world, and all it can throw at you, and walk away the winner. I don't get those mornings very often these days, so I'll embrace it, and go after it.

I've been DYING to play basketball recently. It's an AMAZING cardio workout...sprint 100 feet, shuffle around, jump a few times, sprint another 100 feet, repeat for three hours...playing basketball three nights a week in college was how I lost about 60 pounds in five months. Problem is, I don't have anybody to play with, and I'd have to play at night, so playing outdoors ain't gonna happen.

I'll look into it and see what I can do.

Anyway, not much else to say, today. Everybody have a good one.

Summary Time

I started the whole database thing when I was at a solid 338. My first day of keeping track was 12/22/06. Since then, here's what I've done.



Average weight loss per day: .26 pounds

December: 5+ pounds lost
January: 6 pounds lost
February: 8+ pounds lost
March: 6+ pounds lost
April: 6+ pounds lost
May: 9+ pounds lost
June: 3+ pounds lost (so far)

Total lost from weigh-in to weigh in: 43.2
Total Lost by 5-Day Average: 41.64

I'm ok with that. January was a killer month with stress and travel, so I see what happened. No excuses, though. I should never put weight on. January was great! I lost a little over six pounds!

Still, I'm good with an average 7 pounds per month loss the other months. I'd prefer some May repeats. May was my 2,400-per-day calorie month. And I really went from 307 on the 10th to 298 on the 31st. Nine pounds in 21 days once I started eating my 2,400.

We'll see what the rest of June brings. I'm at roughly three pounds lost thins month, right now. I have 10 days to get that number up. I'm aiming for an eight.

**EDIT - Fixed**

Sometimes I Just Don't Understand

I'll blog some more about this later, but I wanted to get this out there for everybody this morning.

Monday and Tuesday have been my first two days trying to stay around 2,400 calories in about a week. We also went for a quick 3/4 mile walk last night. Still, I have to raise an eyebrow at this morning's weigh-in:

294.8.

I stepped on that scale five times, and I saw a 294.8 every time. No clue how, but I'll take it. And I'll eat 2,400 calories again today. Maybe I'll drop to 292, huh?

Weigh-In: 294.8 (new low - duh)
5-Day: 296.56 (new low)

More later.

Beware.

Weigh In: 296.4 (new low ???)
5-Day: 297.0 (back to 50 pounds lost)

The image says it all. It has not been a great few weeks in our home. As Beck mentioned in her post over the weekend, stress is everywhere for us, and it's taking its toll.

For the better part of the last four years, I've handled the stress great (not counting the whole 'eating for comfort' thing). I always managed a smile or a joke to help lighten the mood. I always seemed to have just enough strength to hold those around me as high above the stress as I could. But no amount of push ups can give you the strength to do it for this long.

I feel defeated. Things seem hopeless. Even as I'm working on a project that could make us very comfortable people, I don't have much faith that anything will come of it. For the first time since my mom died in 2004, I want to curl up in my bed and stay there for a day or three.

Life is like a movie trilogy. Think Star Wars. Episode IV was great. They rescue the princess, Luke meets Obi Won, Han becomes a hero, they blow up the Death Star. Episode VI was also a positive movie. Luke is a Jedi, the Emperor is killed, the galaxy is freed, Han hooks up with Leia.

Then there's Episode V. Nothing but bad in this movie. Their ice base gets destroyed, Lando betrays everybody, Luke gets his hand cut off and finds out his arch enemy is his dad, Han gets frozen in carbonite - and at the end, it shows the main characters looking out a window with a "what now?" look on their faces.

I feel like I'm in the second part of my life trilogy. This is where everything goes bad, and the audience is left hanging for three years until the third movie is released.

Shoot, I don't even know if the third movie has been written, yet. Maybe I'm supposed to write it. Maybe I'm supposed to direct it. Or maybe I'm just waiting, like everybody else, to see how the story ends.

Until then, I'm fighting hard in many areas of my life. So hard, that I feel like I'm being stretched too thin. Finances, kids, wife, job hunting, weight loss...all on the tip of the iceberg. I never used to doubt my ability to handle it all, and handle it well. But the doubt has crept in.

I don't have patience for anything, my level of understanding has dropped considerably, and my capacity for caring is pretty much drained.

Hey, at least I weighed 296.4 today, right?

Challenge

As Dave and Beck prepare to go head-to-head, I can't help but think that some contests might just be what some of us need to get the weight loss train moving.

So, pick your opponent, lay down the terms, and go at it.

First to lose 10 pounds?
First to hit their next goal?
First to bench 200?
First to run five miles?

Name your terms, and throw down the gauntlet. This might be tougher for some than for others, and many of us are at very different levels health-wise, and at very different points along the weight-loss journey. So, keep that in mind as you go forward.

Be sure to blog about your challenge so we can all follow along.

A Pound Of Celebration

Weigh-In: 298.0
5-Day: 297.16 (boooo!)

Well, yesterday was my Birthday/Father's day, and I let loose a little. Didn't eat clean, but it was a special occasion. It ends up that I put on a pound over the "holiday" weekend. Not exactly thrilling, but I think on days like that, you should be allowed a little fliexibility. We did walk a good 2.5 miles, so that may have taken the edge off a little.

So, that brings me back this 297 number my body appears to have grown attached to. I liked it, at first. 297 sounds much better than 360 or 347. But now that I've been in the 297 range for two weeks, I think it's time to say buh-bye.

My issues (and yes, these are all excuses), are many. No gym. No trainer. No friends. No bike. No money. And not much in the way of time. Plus, I HATE running. It's the most boring excercise in the universe. I LOVE running for a reason - to beat my man back on defense, to run down the overthrown bounce pass, to tackle the dude with the ball - but just running to run? I've never been able to do it. Back when I was in pretty good shape, I could run about 3/4 of a mile without stopping. Then I'd drag my sorry butt another 1/4 mile to say I got the whole thing done.

But I digress...

Fact is, I've lost 50+ pounds by eating smarter and increasing my activity. I walk to the store, now. I play with my kids more. I run up the stairs. I toss the football with Beck at the park. I've been on more 2-3 mile walks in the last four months than I've been on in my life. I've even topped 7 miles a couple of times.

I think if I were trying to get a Men's Health body, I'd have a little more fire about it all. But Beck and I were talking yesterday, and it's always been my goal to get healthy, and stop being so fat. I never had any intentions of going on the extreme food intake plans that many of you are on. I still eat carbs. I love me some pasta. And I dig me a sandwich. The change has been that I've gone from white flour to whole wheat or whole grain. And instead of a box of Little Debbie's, I'm more inclined to grab an apple, or some baby carrots.

I'm not worried about eating low carb, or low fat. I'm just trying to eat better, and live smarter.

And that's worked, so far.

But I have a feeling that the whole "better and smarter" approach will only take me so far. I need to kick it up a notch. In an ideal world, I'll have a bike with a 21" frame delivered to my door today. I found one on Craiglist for $150, but if you read Beck's post this weekend, you know that ain't going to happen. Next best, I'd mysteriously make 6-7 friends, and we'd all go play some pick-up ball a few nights a week. But unless my kids suddenly allow me out of the house, I don't think I stand much of a chance with that one, either. Maybe I'll win a gym membership from a contest I never entered...

I dunno. I've been very proud of myself during this seven months. I'm pretty sure I'm the only member of the Coalition doing this 100% on their own - no gym, no trainers, no memberships, no workout buddy, etc. It's just been me, some walking, some jogging, some push ups, and the motvation from this blog.

But I sense that I'm going to need something more, soon.

I bought the new Men's Health last night (get it - good stuff), and I was actually upset that I got it. It tells you all sorts of things you can do to get stronger, faster, and better, but it's all under the assumption that you have a gym or a trainer. Or the money with which to acquire the needed pieces - sports leagues, personal trainers, etc. Well, that's not me. I have a couch, a floor, and two kids. As well as enough stress to bury a lesser man.

I have a lot of things working against me. Again, that's part of why I'm so proud of myself. I've slipped a few times, but I've never fallen. A year ago, I would have been curled up in my bed asking for my blankie. I've trudged through some major crap, and I've overcome many obstacles.

Getting this last 37 pounds off is just another one. I might not have an "ideal" solution on the table, but I haven't had much in the way of ideal circumstances at all since November. And I think I've done OK.

I'll figure this out. I always do.

Just So I Can Say I Posted Today

Weigh-In: Still hovering at 297.0
5-Day: 296.96 (new low)

First, I turn 31 soon, and I'm proud to say that I'm the healthiest I've been since I was 26 - the year I got married. It's also my third Father's Day Sunday, and I am BY FAR in the best shape I've been since becoming a daddy.

I have a long way to go, and I haven't been perfect, but I've changed a LOT about myself in the last seven months, and I'm proud of the person I've become. I'll be even more proud in a few months when I'm - physically - the person I've wanted to be for a long time.

Everybody have a great weekend.

**EDIT**

Huh. This kind of snuck up on me.

I just realized that I have officially crossed the 50 Pounds Lost threshold.

Supposedly, this dog represents the total amount of weight I've lost since November 23, 2006.


Good dog.

Call to Action

Weigh-In: 297.2
5-Day: 297.04 (new low)

I'm noticing a theme around the Coalition over the last week. I'm a victim of it, as well.

Visit any number of Coalition blogs, and I think you'll see it, too. It's frustration, it's complacency, it's satisfaction, it's even a little laziness. Not everybody exhibits all of these issues, but most of us are dealing with at least one of them.

As far as I'm concerned, it's more of a "blah" attitude. I'm not eating awful, and I'm staying very close to my 2,400 calories, but if I go over by a couple hundred, my response is "eh, no biggie." Want to go for a walk? "Eh, I'm good." Do some push ups! "Eh, maybe later."

Maybe we all fit under a similar umbrella, right now - Lack of focus. I think we all know what we're supposed to do, but many of us just aren't doing it like we should. As I look around the Coalition, I see a lot of us dealing with this. The original four, especially. Beck is in the same boat I am, and she's hovering in the 183 range. I'm not as into this as I once was, and I'm hanging around the 297 area. Rob is frustrated that he hasn't budged out of the 293's for a month. Billy was seeking the fire he used to have while he now sits in the 202's.

Listen, we ALL know what to do. We've lost at least 495 pounds as a Coalition. There's no secret formula. There's no special diet. There's no trick. We all got here the same way - Hard work, good eating, smart decisions. We started every day like it was our first day in the transformation. We counted calories. We logged our exercise minutes. We blogged what we did in our workout that day. Nothing has changed. That is STILL the only formula that is going to get us where we want to be.

This is my call to action for FAT. Focus. See your goal, and go after it. Go back to square one - count calories, watch your carbs, eat more fiber, read a Men's Health - whatever you did to get yourself moving, go back to it today.

As hard as it is, forget, just for now, the weight you've lost, and concentrate on the weight you have left. Today is Day One. I have to lose 37 pounds. It starts today.

Focus. Work hard. Don't let yourself get discouraged. Use the Coalition to push you.

We've done this before. Let's do it again.

Not Much To Say

Weigh-In: 296.8
5 Day: 297.16

Don't have much to say today, so I guess I'll turn the post into a Shift promotion.

The Shift re-design will be getting underway this week, and could be done by as early as this weekend. That would mean that the new Shift could launch by Monday.

The site will be broken into three parts, coinciding with the Shift "motto": Your Mind, Your Body, Your Life.

One page will focus on the mental side of a life transformation. Breaking your old habits, staying motivated, changing your mindset, breaking through walls, etc.

The next page will concentrate on the physical side of getting your life back. Workout routines, eating clean, etc.

The last page will focus on living a healthy life. Spending time with your family, getting out from in front of the TV, prioritizing your life, etc.

My friends from L2S will be heading up the Life page, as that is what they focus on every day. That means I still have two writing openings - Mind and Body. If you are a GOOD writer, have a strong command of the English language, have experience in the specified subject, and can commit to a 1,000-word column per week, let me know.

Unlike the old Shift, I will be taking this VERY seriously. I have major plans for Shift, and I need people involved who will also take it seriously. No, there's no pay to start, but this site will lead to a newsletter, a podcast, community events, publicity, and - I hope - a monthly magazine. It has to be treated now like we want it to be seen later.

If any of you have any sort of marketing experience and can help me get the word out when we launch, I could greatly use the help. Same with any ad sales people. I'd love to see the site become profitable.

OK, that's it for the day. Everybody have a good one, and keep moving forward.

Moving Again

Weigh-In: 296.6
5-Day: 297.32

Well, after five days hanging in the 297's, the scale finally hooked me up with a 296.6 today. That number represents another new low in my transformation, and it brings my 5-Day to a new low, as well.

Yesterday was not a great day, but I did alright. A few sets of push ups, playing with the kids, etc. Nothing major.

I did realize something this morning. When I step on the scale in the AM, I'm always thinking the same thing to myself: "OK, be under 300." Now, being under 300 is good, but I feel my daily chant is the sign of a focus issue. I think I'm worried so much about not getting back to that 300, that I'm not concentrating enough on getting out of the 290's.

Recognizing the problem is half of the solution. Now I just need to kick it up another notch. We should be going camping at least once this summer, and there's a ton of water sports - jet ski, boats, wake board, swimming - so I'll have the opportunity to be shirtless. I like the progress I've made so far, but I don't think I am beach ready. Another 10-15 pounds would make a big difference. I think it's time to set a new goal to help me keep my eyes on the prize.

So, I want to get to 285 by the last weekend of July. That gives me about 6 weeks to drop 11 pounds.

No problem.

No Complaining

Weigh-In: 297.2
5-Day: 297.48

I told myself that as long as the weight was heading down - no matter how slowly - I wouldn't complain. So, I'm sticking to that. I dropped another two tenths, which is another two tenths I no longer have to worry about. I'll take it over a gain.

Plus, my 5-Day dropped out of the 298's, putting me at a new low. So I really have no reason to complain.

And this is all after a four day stretch where time, severe sunburn, and work kept me from doing anything active. Thursday and Friday I couldn't lift my arms above my shoulders from my stinking burn, and I sure wasn't going back outside in the sunny 80's. So, I chalked those days up to "unfortunate," and I ate clean. Then Saturday was spent with one of Becky's clients, and the day took MUCH longer than we expected. We had to top it off with a quick grocery run at 9PM, then we took the kids home and put them in bed. And we followed shortly.

Yesterday did allow us to get out a little bit. We did some major cleaning around the house, then took the kids to the big park near us, where we walked around the - MAYBE - 1/2 mile lake. We would have gone further, but Beck's blisters were hurting pretty badly. So, we called it a day.

Today I'm back at it. I just did a quick set of push ups before I had my Honey Nut Cheerios. I'll do another two sets after I get my work done this morning, and then even more while the kids nap.

I'm anxious to get the weight out of the 297's. It feels like a mini-plateau. I've been in the 297's for five days. After jumping back up to the 300's last weekend, it feels like I've accomplished very little, though I should give myself credit for fighting back down five pounds in seven days. It wasn't easy.

I also am allowing myself to have a thought I probably shouldn't have. After seeing some new pics Beck and I took yesterday, I've decided, no matter what the websites say, I'm no longer "fat." According to most of those online calculators, I still need to get down to 220. I've been as low as 239, and I looked anorexic. I think 260 is going to be VERY close for me. Anyway, that means I'm 37 pounds overweight. But, as Beck and I noticed last night, I don't LOOK 37 pounds overweight, anymore. I've always been lucky to carry my weight well. Even at 360, it looked like I was no more than 70 or 80 pounds overweight. Now that I have 37 left to go, it looks like I have 15 or 20 to drop.

Don't get me wrong, I'm in no way saying I'm close to being done, or that I'm content with where I am. No matter how much better I look now compared to 7 months ago, I can and will do and look better. But I can finally see the light at the end of the tunnel.

Having to lose 100 pounds seemed so daunting when I started. But now, I have just over 1/3 of that left to go. To me, that's amazing. I'm almost 2/3 of the way to my goal, and I look and feel better than I have since I was married.

Some of you might think this is unwise, but I feel pretty good about myself these days.

Headshots

Before: September of 2005 - roughly 350 pounds
After: June 10, 2007 - 297 pounds

Cheese!

Took last month off from pics, but I'm back, and you have to pay the price.

These are pics from 12/05, 04/07, and 06/07.

I actually see some decent change from April to now. Might that be a chest I'm seeing??


I know everybody says this, but I still have a long way to go. Also, my sunburn is KILLING ME.

Keep Moving

Weigh-In: 297.6
5-Day: 298.26 (new low)

In my family, it seems like we escape stress just long enough to take a breath, then it finds us. When it find us, it seems even more cruel, as though it is trying to teach us a lesson.

"So, you thought you were out of the woods, huh? Put your cart in front of the horse, it seems. You're gonna pay for that."

It happened again last night. No details, but we took another hit. Things looked very nice for a few days. They were looking up a little bit. Then, right when we were starting to relax, we got side-swiped. It's tough, and it keeps happening. It's the "one step forward, two steps back" scenario. We just can't get ahead.

My point is, I went to food for comfort last night. Two PB sandwiches, 2 cups of milk, a bowl of Fiber One (with sugar), and the milk in the cereal. I didn't add it up, but I had to have taken in about 700 or 800 calories from 9 to 9:45 last night.

I was lucky to see a 297.6 on the scale today. It makes me wonder what I would have seen had I left that food alone.

I guess that doesn't matter, now. The important thing is that I messed up. Did the food make me feel any better? Did it get me a job? Did it get food for my kids? Nope. It just made me feel bloated.

Life is playing a big game of dodgeball with us right now. We haven't played very well, and we're constantly taking shots right between the eyes. But we've been playing for a long time, now. Almost six years, actually. And the game is still being played, which means we aren't out, yet. Getting hit hurts, and often we need to head to the sideline until somebody can get us back into the game. But we always find our way back in.

In "Dodgeball: The Movie" there's a funny line:

"If you can dodge a wrench, you can dodge a ball."

Well, when my mom died, it was a wrench. When my close friend from HS was killed in a car accident, it was a wrench. When my grandmother passed - wrench. When my grandfather passed - wrench. When I lost my magazine - wrench. When we had to go on welfare - wrench. When Gracie went from delivery to the NICU - wrench.

Thank God, we're not facing anything like that right now. But that line from the movie works. We've dodged plenty of wrenches, so we can dodge this ball.

Man, I hope this doesn't sound as corny when you read it as it feels now that I'm done typing it.

Back On The Road

Weigh-In: 297.4 (new official low)
Average: 298.6

I didn't expect the 295.6 from yesterday afternoon to hold, but I was hoping for a weight in the 298's this morning. I was pleased as heck to see a new low of 297.4.

I'm telling you, 300 is behind me. I am a quick learner, and I learned that being stupid with fast food can KILL you. I was five pounds up from where I am right now, all because I ate that stupid 4-pound, double, extra, mega cheeseburger - and fries. I meant it when I said 'Never Again.'

Anyway, yesterday was killer. We went for a 7-mile walk in 80+ degree weather, and neither of us wore sunscreen. We also failed to take enough water, so we were hurting by the time we got back. Still, that was 1,400 calories burned for me, and I ate PERFECTLY all day. My only "miss" was that we ate a late dinner, and I was at 1,800 calories at 8:30 last night. I still don't want to eat after 8, so I left it as-was. And the no sunscreen thing? Dang. I'm hurting. My freshly-shaven head looks like a red balloon tyring to get out of my shirt.

One other thing. As Beck and I were walking yesterday, we told our oldest that we'd take her to the park after she had a nap. That meant that we took a 7-mile walk, let the girls nap, then we got up and went to the park where we tried to do pull-ups and dips, then attempted to traverse the monkey bars. As Beck mentioned to me yesterday, we'd be lucky if the old us did that much in a week. We did it in an afternoon.

We're better people today.

OK, one more last thing. The pics under this post? I have to say, I'm impressed. I don't impress myself easily, but I saw the new me starting to show through. My arms are bigger than they have ever been, and my gut it shrinking steadily. I still look in the mirror, and I see 360 Kevin. I didn't realize that 297 Kevin was such an improvement.

OK, that's all. Everybody have a great day!

After a quick 7-mile walk...

295.6

YES. 295.6

Here's some proof.


Now, if only I didn't have the arms of a buff Albino...

"Never Again"

In response to the Message From My Body posted below, I am here to make a bold statement.

After reading my body's message, I decided that I'd weigh myself again. I hadn't eaten, and I took another bathroom stop, so I hoped to see a number besides the 300.4 I saw when I woke up.

I saw a 299.8 - my first sub-300 weight since Saturday morning.

Seeing that number this time was almost as nice as seeing it the last time. It felt so good, that I instantly turned to Beck and said this: "Never again."

And now I'm saying it here for all of the Coalition to see.

I WILL NOT weigh over 300 pounds again. I refuse. I haven't blogged about it, but being back over 300 felt horrible. And it was my own fault that I was there. I messed up last weekend, and right when I was on the verge of a new low. Today, I could be celebrating a 294. Instead, I'm celebrating a 299. I messed up.

I'm not letting that happen again.

A Message From My Body

This was in my internal inbox this morning:

Kev,

In case you hadn't figured it out, there's something I wanted to share with you. For future reference, I can handle ONE bad meal. I might even be able to deal with a bad meal and a dessert. But this whole "bad weekend" thing? Not so much. You've been spot-on with your eating for three days, and you still can't get out of the 300's. I can only do so much. You shove a 2,000-calorie burger into me, and there's going to be a price to pay.

I know, you did 60-some push ups yesterday, and you walked to the book store, blah, blah, blah. That's not going to do a thing right now. You need to learn your lesson. After you've realized just what damage one bad weekend can do, then we'll talk about letting you out of the 300's.

Until then, deal with that number on the scale. I hope it makes you feel as sick as that burger made me feel.

Love ya,
Your Body

Ups & Downs

I don't even know where to start this morning.

Let me start off my giving a quick summary of what our plans included:

Saturday - Help friends move for about four hours, take Beck out to eat for her Birthday, get a DQ Blizzard (Hey, its a special occasion!)

Sunday - Go to Church, get groceries, do some side work

So, it doesn't sound all that impressive, but impressive isn't the word I'm aiming for, I guess. Let's start with Saturday.

Got to my friend's house at around 8:20, and we got to work. I was like a man possessed. I went for the heavy items. I curled as I carried. While everybody else was walking upstairs to get the next item, I was running. I was a beast out there. Six months ago, I would have looked for every excuse in the box to avoid moving, or to at least avoid working hard. But on Saturday, I attacked it. And I felt great after we were done. Shoot, I even got my first "slim and strong" comment.

There was a hutch on the second floor of the house. It was probably about my height, and it was heavy and awkward. I was just hanging out waiting for the powers that be to decide how to handle it. They decided they'd get a dolly and roll it down, so they didn't have to carry it. "We can't lift it, it's too heavy," one man said. "Sure we can," replied Kevin. At that point, my brother gave me my FIRST compliment of my transformation:

"Yeah, but we aren't you. We're all still weak and out of shape."

I'll take it.

The bad news is that I tweaked my back, and it still hurts today, though not as bad as it did. Still, the moving was good. Great workout, great motivation.

And then things fell apart.

We went to a little Japanese place in a big mall near us. We had both behaved food-wise that morning to allow some extra room for calories. I ordered white meat teriyaki chicken over white rice (they had no brown), and I added on a small scoop of sesame chicken. Dinner probably cost me 1,000 calories. I had only had about 600 to that point of the day, so it wasn't the end of the world. We walked around the mall for a while, then we picked up the girls and took them to DQ. I told Beck I'd get her some ice cream for her Birthday. So, we each got a medium Waffle Blizzard. Calories: 800. So, my total intake for Saturday was probably around 2,500 to 2,600. Not too bad, though it wasn't the best food choice.

I woke up Sunday morning with a 300.0 on the scale. I was sick and angry. I worked off a good 800-1,000 calories moving all of the furniture and boxes, and I went over my daily intake by no more than 300 - and I put on over 2 pounds?

It put me in a bad mood all day. To show my body I didn't care what I did, I then went to Carl's Jr. for lunch. I had a 1-pound burger with medium fries. For dinner, we had the healthy version of Parmesan Chicken. I had a bowl of Fiber One for dessert.

The burger and fries? 1,920 calories. I could have chosen a grilled chicken sandwich. I could have had a single burger. But I talked myself into the worst, possible thing on that menu. I don't know why. It was a major mistake, though. I've been sick since yesterday afternoon. I probably ate a good 3,700 calories yesterday, and I was not active AT ALL.

So, this morning, I woke up to a 302.0 on the dreaded scale.

Don't get me wrong, I deserve it. But I'm trying to figure out how going over my intake by 1,800 calories over two days could put almost five pounds on. I've been a little, um, backed up since Saturday morning. So I know that's part of it. And I didn't drink ANY water yesterday, so that sure didn't help.

Blah.

So, today is detox. Apples, carrots, celery, water, and maybe a normal dinner. That's what's on the Big Dog's menu today. If my back and schedule allow, I'll be packing the kids up in the stroller and heading for a 3-mile walk/jog this afternoon. If my back is still feeling this loose later, I'll also be ripping out a few sets of push ups.

Before you all rip into me, let me just say that I understand every error I made this weekend. This isn't anything that needs to be re-taught to me. It's not that I'm off the wagon. It simply boils down to this: A couple of bad choices can KILL you. I ate two bad meals, and one not-so-great meal, and I'm up from 297.6 on Saturday to a 302.0 today. It doesn't take much to de-rail you.

The good news is that I know how to fix it, and it'll be easy to right the ship.

As upset as I was to see back-to-back 300's, it's not as crushing as I thought it would be. Again, I know exactly what I did wrong, and it's correctable. The new Kevin has bad days scattered inside good months. The old Kevin had good days spread over the course of several BAD months.

Fear not. I'm just fine.

Not In A Good Mood

I won't be talking much today. That game last night still has me feeling sick to my stomach.

How do you let ONE GUY score his team's last 25 points against you? How do you not double him with 9 seconds left? Any other year, I'd say things like "it ain't over til it's over," or "I haven't heard any fat ladies singing," but I just don't feel good about this series. I don't see this Pistons team winning two more, especially when one is at The Q.

I think we're going to see a somewhat major overhaul of this team next season. I think Chauncey is going bye-bye, I don't think Webber will re-sign, and I think Dumars may have to move some other pieces to make things happen.

Man this team annoys me some days.