Fighting on a Monday

Had a PB sandwich on wheat last night at 10, and decided it would be my last food until breakfast on Tuesday morning. So, it's a roughly 36-hour fast (I'm allowed 1 cup of milk, and 1 cup of juice), and I'm doing it for two reasons.

1. To prove to myself that I'M in control, not my hunger/urges. I've been giving in to my body's wants (from a food standpoint) too much over the last few weeks. Time it realized who's in charge.

2. Just to clean things out. I don't think 36 hours is going to hurt, and by the time I flush all of the left-over crap outta me (lots of water today, too), I should feel much better, and work up some momentum.

Also, it's 36 degrees outside, with a light mist, and a little bit of wind. We're going to get dressed and go toss the football while the girls sleep. No excuses this time around. Active every day.

Have a good one, guys.

A New Post Coming...

Either later today or early tomorrow. Think about what you'd do if you had 100 days to do it. What goals would you want to hit? How determined could you be? How dedicated would you be?

More later...

YES!!!!!

Whew. For a second there, I thought my weight might change, but thankfully, it's still right where it's been the last 2 days - 285.8.

Now, here's what bugs me to no end about the weight loss process: I'm 99% perfect in all areas for three days, and I can't lose an ounce. But you and I both know that if I had a Wendy's Classic Double with fries, I'd jump up 2-3 pounds instantly.

Whatever.

Today I'm keeping my carbs WAY low. I'm eating as few as possible in hopes that my body just has some excess carbs in there that it needs to burn off. Not sure what else to do besides generally continuing to move forward the best I can.

Sometimes life gets in the way, and your body might not always cooperate, but you make the choice to keep going - not your body. Eventually, it will have no choice but to cooperate. But you can't let it keep you from moving forward.

Always move forward.

Well, THAT sucked

Back at freaking 285.8 this morning, which BLOWS, and ANGERS ME.

But what am I going to do?

Did I have the perfect week? Not really, no. My eating was solid, but not great. My activity level was very good, but again, not great. I did well, but I could have done better.

So, Beck and I are starting an actual football training regimen today. It will work on our quickness, agility, and stamina, not to mention our football skills. We'll do it an hour a day, four days per week. It'll consist of some items like this:



Now, as for not coming anywhere close to my goal of 282.X this week? I'm not thrilled about it, but I'm not done. So, here's my new goal...

281.8 by next Friday morning.

I need to ensure that I eat 95% clean, and stick to our workout schedule this week.

Doable.

Right?

Even More Frustration

Yesterday consisted of about 2,000 calories, an hour in the backyard throwing (and chasing down) the frisbee, and no food after dinner at 5:30pm.

This morning has consisted of a weigh-in of 285.8, a FULL POUND UP FROM YESTERDAY.

Now, here's where I keep telling myself that this can't last forever, and that I need to just keep doing what I know I'm supposed to do.

But what I WANT to do is yell, scream, and say bad words.

My goal of hitting 282.X tomorrow is pretty much shot, and I'm up 1.2 pounds from this time last week.

Kinda peeved today.

A LITTLE Frustration

Purposely had a LOW calorie day yesterday - roughly 1,000.
Had a good football-based workout.
Drank more water.
Had no snacks.

Lost .2 pounds - 284.8.

The 282.X by Friday isn't looking good at this point. All I can do is try.

Checking In

Yesterday was one of those "good but not great" days. Didn't eat 100% clean, but didn't do anything crazy calorie-wise. Just could have done better.

Also, thanks to Beck's crazy schedule, we couldn't get out to play football, but we're going to make time to get out there for an hour or so today to get a sweat worked up.

My weigh-in today was 285.0 on the nose, which I'm pretty OK with after being 286.6 yesterday and not having a great day. I'd guess I'm pretty on track for my 282.X by Friday morning.

All-in-all, I'm pretty happy with my direction right now. I'm planning on being out of the 280s sometime in the next three weeks, and I think that's going to serve as a nice fuel to keep me going. The last time I know I was anything under 280 was January. Too long ago.

That's it for now. Catch ya later.

Grrr

Alright, nobody bit, but the "all-you-can-eat" place in the last post was a salad bar.

Long story short, I jumped up 3.2 pounds after our cheat meal, and spent the weekend being good (not great, but really good) just to take 1.4 pounds back off. I was 288.0 Friday morning, and I'm 286.6 today.

Now, my goal with the cheat meal, and it was a risk, was to eat something I wanted, pay the price, and get back to my original goal weight of 286 by this morning - which I failed to do. We tossed the football a lot this weekend, and we were going to do it again yesterday, but our kids and neighbors kind of tossed a wrench in the idea. So, I missed my real workout yesterday, which didn't help my cause much.

That said, we'll get back to it today, and my goal this week will be to see 282.X by Friday morning.

Also, for those of you in Michigan - male and female - let's play some flag football. 3-on-3, 40-yard field, 30-minute running clock, co-ed...

Seriously, let's do this.

Ugh

One of those days. Kids going nuts. Work busy for me. Work busier for Beck. No time to cook.

Next thing you know, we're sitting in an all-you-can-eat restaurant, and I'm filling up two plates and a bowl with food, then coming home to eat a bowl of cereal. We did try to get out tonight and toss the football, but by the time we started it was already getting dark.

So now we're going to try to unwind, watch a movie, and hit tomorrow running.

Bulk Smash!!

As you may notice to the right, my goal of hitting 286.0 by tomorrow morning has been smashed by me, The Incredible Bulk.

Not only did I meet it, I destroyed it.

Today's weigh-in?

284.6

I really don't know how I dropped so much so quickly, and I don't care, to be honest. All I know is that my calories have been perfect since last Wednesday when I started this back up. And we've worked up a sweat in some capacity every day since last Wednesday, as well. Lots of throwing footballs and frisbees, going for walks, working out...something every day.

So, I find myself feeling pretty thrilled today.

Now, we're planning a controlled cheat meal tomorrow night. We're going to a Chinese Buffet, where we will only make two trips to the bar, and fried foods will be kept to an absolute minimum. We'll also be eating fewer calories through the day, keeping our number small as we sit down to eat.

Nothing wrong with cheating once in a while, as long as you're smart about it.

So, 286 is killed, and now my sights are set on 276.4. I have over two months to drop eight pounds, so I feel pretty good about getting there early, and giving me a big jump on 240.

I'm back, baby.

Unstoppable

Well, I thought I screwed up last night. Around 10:15 PM, I just got HUNGRY. Like, actually HUNGRY. I was trying to resist, but I caved. I had 1/2 a PB sandwich on whole wheat, and followed that up with a cup of dry Captain Crunch cereal. And then I had ANOTHER cup of dry Captain Crunch cereal.

I got weak, and I gave in. My calories were still in range, but it was more THAT I ate, and not WHAT I ate. Still, I was anticipating a bad number on the scale today.

What I got was a 286.4. Down almost a pound from yesterday, and only .4 pounds from my goal weight of 286.0, and with two days left to hit it.

This morning I realized that Beck and I have been active every day over the last week. Running, going for family walks, tossing a football, throwing a frisbee - every day since last Wednesday.

Even an avalanche starts with just a little snow. I think the avalanche is coming.

EDIT

I know sit at 8 pounds lost in 7 days. I'll take that.

Holding Pattern

I'm waiting for a more "official" weigh in that will take place roughly 45 minutes from now, and I'm hoping the numbers are a little better than my unofficial weight from a few minutes ago. If the weight holds, it will appear that my body has moved into a bit of a holding pattern, at 287.4. My last three weights were 287.2, 287.8, and today's 287.4.

If the number doesn't change, it's going to bring my first mental challenge of this reboot. Three days of no loss is just enough of a speed bump to get into my head. I expect to lose at least a little weight every day, with an occasional "nice" drop of a pound or more. And as unrealistic as it is, when I don't get it for a few days, I start doubting.

But I'm also realistic. I know it's insane to expect weight loss every day. Hope for it? Sure. Get pissed if you don't get it? No. Plus, for those of you who were around since Day One, you recall that my body like to screw with me - drop .4, drop .6, drop .2, gain 1.0, drop .4, gain 1.6, drop .2, drop .2, drop 3.8, etc.

So, this is where I need to focus. No matter what my scale says 40 minutes from now, it won't change my day - eat right, stay active.

And heeeeere we go...

EDIT

Official weight: 287.2

The Coalition Seems Quiet...

Here's hoping all is well.

Another good day for Beck and I. I'm getting close to calling it a streak, but I've had five good days before, so I'll hold off until Thursday. That'll but me at seven perfect days.

That's it. Hope everybody had a good day.

Update

287.8 this morning, so I'm up .6 pounds. I'm not too bothered by that, as I did go a little carb-happy last night with homemade potato salad (red potatoes, low-fat/low-cal dressing).

We've also decided that we like tossing frisbees. We found a little crappy one in our back yard last week, and it's kind of addictive. So, we're going to go try to find a cheap - but better - one at Target or something today.

More later...

Quickly

287.2 this morning, so I'm down another 2.6 pounds even after my first "slip up" (one scoop of ice cream with my daughter). Active day ahead, so I'm counting on that number dropping even more tomorrow.

I'm down 7.2 pounds since Thursday morning., and only 11 pounds from my Nov. 5 goal.

Built-In Motivation

Read the post below this one, but also check out these old posts that are serving to keep me going.

Me fat.
Me very fat.
Me at my thinnest.
My cheesy grin.

I want junk food

But I have already decided that I'm not allowing myself to deviate even an inch on my food intake until Thursday of this week. I just have to fight through these desires. So I will.

Haven't had my official weigh-in this morning, but my unofficial weight was the same as yesterday. I didn't work out last night, as I became progressively more sore throughout the day. And dinner was heavy on the carbs. But we'll see what the scale says in a few minutes here.

I will be doing my workout tonight, sore or not. I need to get at least three days a week in, and I'm planning on four.

Alright, that's about it. I'm sure I'll blog more later.

Have a good one.

*****EDIT*****

Weight was 290, so down another full pound. I hate that I had to start so high, but I'm glad that I'm down 4.4 pounds since Thursday morning.

Just got back from a 2-mile family walk, and followed that up with 20 or 30 minutes of tossing the football in the back yard. Not a bad start to the weekend.

My new short-term goal is to see 286 on the scale by Friday morning.

Has Anybody Seen...

This?



I've heard it's cheesy, and pretty much a poorly updated Karate Kid, but that it was a fun movie - lots of action, etc. As I look for motivation anywhere I can find it, I can't help but think that an MMA-based movie might not hurt.

Not looking for movie of the year, just looking for a cool 2 hours. Anybody have any input?

Progress

More later, but wanted to check in.

Couple of PERFECT days in the books. Eating has been pristine, I'm staying active, and I just plain feel better. I'm trying to figure out where the jump in weight came from last week, as I went from 288 to 294.4 in two days on average eating. But, I'm back to 291.0 today, so I'm down 3.4 pounds in two days.

Back to my Band workout tonight, and then we're hoping for an active, football-tossing-filled weekend. A lot going on personally, but it's more exciting than anything.

All-in-all, I feel good these days. My sleep is better. My attitude is better. My focus is better. And I haven't so much as thought about junk food in three days, which is something I've fought with through all of my past reboots.

Beck and I were talking last night, and she really feel like we're back where we need to be with this.

Only time will tell, but I think she's right.

Dinner Choices

Going into dinner, I sit at roughly 890 calories. I'm aiming for no more than 2,000 for a the next week or two. But we have nothing in the house, so we had to go to the store to pick up something quick and easy.

Sometimes, when you have kids to feed, you've been at work all day, and you don't have the time to go grocery shopping, you have no choice but to run into the store and grab something quick.

So we did.

We got iceberg lettuce, romaine lettuce, carrots slices, low-fat shredded cheddar, and light Italian dressing, and we're going to grill up some chicken.

I'm going to have a MASSIVE salad that will come in at roughly 350 calories, leaving me room for a bowl of wheat Chex later tonight.

Heck yeah, baby.

Holy $#!&!!!!

Alright, just got done with THIS, and let me tell you, it's the real deal. It might be one of the most complete workouts I've done in a long time. For those of you who may be struggling to find time, I HIGHLY recommend investing the $20 in some resistance bands (I have two pair, as some of these are just too easy with only one), and 25 minutes of your time 4 days per week.

My legs are sore, and my arms are tight and bulging. I was sucking wind by the end, and I've got a good sweat going right now.

Seriously, it's worth a look. Even if you're doing well, this might be a nice change of pace for you. And you can do it in your bedroom or your basement.

Alright, have a good night all. Here's one of many PERFECT days in the books...

Good Day So Far

Just got in from running some routes with Beck and tossing the football - about 40 minute's worth. Got a sweat worked up, and got the heart going, so it's a win. Will start my Anywhere Workout tonight. MH had a nice piece about the benefits of resistance band training, and it makes me feel better about using them for a few months.

Food-wise, had a small bowl of Cheerio's for breakfast, a turkey wrap for lunch, and was still hungry. So, I went into the kitchen for a second sandwich, and decided to do carrots with low fat ranch, instead.

So, several little victories so far today. But they start adding up after a while. Now I just need to keep them coming.

Gotta Do It

So, I just got done reading Billy's latest blog, and the comments that accompanied it. You know what I felt? Total jealousy. Not pride on Billy's behalf. Not inspiration. Nothing but jealousy. Where Billy has succeeded, I've failed. Where he kept going, I stopped. Where he moved forward, I regressed.

I look back at my old blogs, and I see that I could have EASILY been at my end goal of 240 by now. I could have my 10% body fat. I could mow my lawn with my shirt off. But somewhere along the way, I decided that I'd rather have crappy foods and nights on the couch than an impressive and healthy physique. So, my push ups have been replaced by Twizzlers. And my 5-mile walks have been bumped for Chinese buffets.

I can say stress played a part, but I could have been stronger than my stress, had I chosen to. I could say that fatigue played a part, as doing this for over a year did weigh on me. But with so many others still going, what's my excuse for stopping?

The truth is, I saw that pic of me at 272, and I liked what I saw. I figured I earned some time off. And that time off turned into laziness. And that laziness became a habit. Gone were the days of MAKING myself do something - anything - to work up a sweat. They were replaced by movie nights, cheat meals, and video games.

But Billy's blog smacked me right in the face. That could be me trying to decide if I want ripped abs, or if my flat stomach is good enough. Instead, I've spent the last two months hovering at 290 - 18 pounds heavier that I was a year ago, and 50 pounds from where I really want to be.

I've made so many excuses and justifications for my failures that I've started to believe them. But I don't, anymore.

My name is Kevin Antcliff, and I'm still fat. I need to lose 50 pounds. And I need to start again today.

Maybe that jealousy I felt was actually inspiration after all.

Check back through the day, as I'll be adding some specific plans and goals to get me back on track.

---EDIT---

On 11-5-07, I weighed 276.4. By 11-5-08, I need to be there again. Plenty of time. It gives me roughly 10 weeks to drop around 14 pounds.

I'll be using the Men's Health Anywhere Workout, which I couldn't find to link to. Gym's aren't in the plan for us right now, so I'll be using this exercise band workout 3-4 times per week, with cardio 2-3 times per week. This is a total body workout that claims you'll notice results in 8 days, blah, blah, blah. We shall see.

Alright, people. Let's rock and roll.

Inspiring Commercial

Between Nike and Under Armor... They have the market cornered on inspirational commercials. Here's the latest from Nike.

Quick Update

Been sick with flu/strep all week, and my eating is notoriously awful when I'm sick. That said, I was able to hold steady this week - weighing exactly today what I weighed on 7-25.

Not exactly parade-worthy, but I was afraid the weight was back up this morning, so I'll take it.

I'm still not feeling great, but I'm hoping to get out this weekend and take some walks, play catch - something. I'm kind of anxious to get active again after a week of feeling like microwaved poo.

Yes, I felt THAT bad.

Rollin'

1. Down another 2.2 from yesterday, planting me firmly back in the 280's. A LONG way to go, but it feels good to be back.

2. Two buckets of candy remain 12 feet from me. I had none yesterday, and I'll have none today.

3. We wanted pizza last night. We didn't have any.

4. There's still a cookie in the house. It's been there for 48 hours.

5. I have a cold, so I'm feeling crappy. Still, I made myself get up and do three sets of push ups last night.

fin

Update

I won't get into the back-and-forth that would be sure to follow concerning the whole "all food is either good or bad, letting your kids eat a cookie makes you a bad parent" thing. We'll just say that without self-control and moderation, there's no point in free will. My kids will be raised with the ability to make their own choices. It's my job to educate them so they make the right ones. Having cookies in the house isn't bad. Not being able to control yourself around cookies is. There's a big difference. Unfortunately, I'm still working on that "control" part of it. And until I am back to where I can eat in moderation, and resist the urges, I don't want any more cookies in the house.

Anyway, I had a perfect day yesterday. Calories were immaculate. Lots of water. And some of those aforementioned cookies were in the house when I got home last night, and I didn't even touch one.

Dropped 2.8 pounds from yesterday, which now puts me a little over a pound down from where I was on Monday morning. Tuesday's slip-up really screwed me over, but I've corrected that damage, and am moving forward.

Hoping to get a long family walk and some push ups in tonight, while keeping my eating at 100% again today.

That is all. We'll talk later, I'm sure.

EDIT

It should be noted that I'm sitting no more that 12 feet from three HUGE bowls of candy that somebody in the office brought it. My challenge for the day? Don't touch a single piece.

EDIT V2.0

I know nobody said I was a bad parent. Just tossed it out there as a basic, blanket statement.

It's Easier to Slip Up than it is to Get Up

One night. One craving. That's all it takes.

Yesterday was perfect until just after dinner. There were cookies in the house (curse you, wife of mine!), and I had a long day, but with low calories. So, I figured it would be alright to have a quick one. Then two. And three. And five. Later, reasoning that I already screwed up, I had a protein bar. And a bowl of Cheerios.

The only good news from this is that I'm PISSED this morning. Downright LIVID, actually. I truly want this again, but I'm coming to the realization that all the work I've done - internally and mentally - over the last 20 months is either buried under my new fat, or it's gone. It's like I have to start from the beginning, even in the mental game. I shouldn't HAVE to, as I know all of this. I know what I need to do. I know how to eat. I know how to pass on temptations. I know how to replace bad foods with good. But it's like I have to train my body to do all those things all over again.

It was a bump. It got my attention. It was like falling asleep at the wheel, and having something shock you into complete alertness.

Not doing this again.

So, I'm back on my feet after a disgusting night and morning. My calories WILL be spot-on today. I WILL do some more push ups tonight. I WILL do what needs to be done.

I can't let this derail me. I know you need 7 good days for every 1 bad day to be effective. Well, last night was my bad day. So, I'm at 2 good, 1 bad right now. I need five more days of good.

Not a problem.

Let's keep moving...

Making it Happen

Woke up at 6:30, and decided to get up and shower so I could chill before I went to work.

While in the bathroom, I looked at my gut and decided I could lounge after work.

I only had 30 minutes to work with after I got dressed, so I did the best I could with what I had - which used to be my motto as I was losing 94 pounds. So, I grabbed Spike, and we went for a quick, brisk mile walk. Would have been further, but the dog had to use the grass a lot. But we went exactly a mile in 20 minutes, and I made sure it was fast enough of a pace to make me pant and sweat a little.

When we got back, I dropped down and did 3 sets of pushups, then I finished the morning off with a Kashi bar and bottled water.

Not the most amazing workout ever, and I wish I could have done more, but from a mental standpoint, it was a pretty big win for me, so I'll take it.

So, a good start to the day after a perfect day yesterday (I had 104 ounces of water!). And I'll likely do something else active tonight - maybe more pushups, maybe a family walk, I dunno.

Have a good Tuesday, all.

Well...

I should be wearing 40's today. These 38's just aren't letting the blood flow. But I refuse. I said I'd never wear size 40's again, and I meant it.

Talked to Rob over the weekend. He and I will be checking in with each other throughout the day via email to make sure we're both doing alright.

I'll be drinking 80 oz of water a day. I'll be counting every calorie. I'll be making sure these 38's fit great again.

Shoot, I might just get crazy and what 36's have to offer me.

Let's rock, FAT. No more excuses. No more days off. No more spinning our wheels.

I've been the master of all of those recently. But not anymore.

And here...we...go...

Good News!

I looked back over old blog posts, and I haven't gained a pound in the last year! That's right, I weigh the same thing today as I did this time last year. That's great!!

Oh...

But I had also lost another 20 pounds by the middle of the fall. So, in reality, I've put 20 pounds back on.

Idiot.

I swear I'm trying. I just have to force my way through this mental block I've got going on. I'll figure it out. I just need to do it soon.

A Few Things...

Weighed in for the first time in what seems like forever today - 290.4.

Yeah, it's bad, but I was actually afraid that I was nearing three bills, again. So, I'm kind of relieved. Plus, it's not a fully accurate weight, as my stomach is having issues, and I'm thinking there's an extra pound or two in there. Gross.

Tonight, it's a mandatory 45-minute family walk, and before Beck and I relax tonight, I have to do 4 sets of 10 pushups.

I'm pressing through this the best I can, but I feel good. I think I'm gonna be alright.

Also, check this link out from FOX NEWS. Scary stuff. I don't ever want to be back there again.

Also from FOX NEWS, another good reason to get my butt moving. My mom was diagnosed at 53, one of the youngest with it in Michigan at the time. Because she had Early-Onset, I, my brother, and my daughters are twice as likely to have it as the average person reading this blog. It got my mom, and I'm not gonna let it get us.

Lastly, an interesting take on the fad diet phenomena over the last 10 years. At least two of these sound like something I'd be willing to try, though the first might have more risk then reward.

Later, all.

Forcing My Hand

I just cannot get control of the cravings and laziness right now - not of my own free will. So, I'm making myself do it. I brought to work no lunch, no money - just carrots and water. I may call this 24-hour period (beginning at 10 last night) a 24-hour detox. Nothing but veggies, juice, and water.

I need to MAKE myself string 3-4 days together. If I do that, it my create the momentum I need to get the train rolling, again.

Another Reason the World Needs Shift...

I purchased a Men's Health tonight in an attempt to get myself focused and fired up. As I flipped through the pages, I realized I've read just about all of this a dozen times before.

This magazine, and it's 200-ish pages, nearly never have anything truly new inside it.

Seriously, it's the same stuff over and over and over. And over. The market needs a 96-page, focused, health & fitness magazine that branches out into areas besides workouts and sex advice.

There can be something better...

...and with an investor, I can make it happen.

Making it Happen

Man, I am so far off track it isn't even funny.

I'll spare everybody further "poor me" crap, as going over that really isn't going to help anybody at this point.

Here's the deal: Beck and I realized that we are both 90% back into the mindsets that got us to the point where we needed to lose weight in the first place. Bad day? Eat! Great day? Eat! Workout or DVD? DVD! It's so screwed up, people.

So, without the need to expound, and without using my pretty words, I'm just going to say this: I have to decide what I want. Do I want to look like that dude over there -------------->

Or do I want to look like me?

So, I have to get back to what I KNOW works. I have to count calories, and keep it at 2400 or under NO MATTER WHAT. I have to drink more water. I have to look at a Kashi bar as a treat, not a bag of after dinner mints. I have to get back to having a cheat meal once every 10 days or so, not having a good meal every 10 days or so. I have to get my butt moving again. I have to sweat.

I've been here a dozen times in the last few months. I have to put a stop to it.

So today, like so many days before it, is Day One.

Chaos

Over the last 3-4 weeks, my life, and the lives of my family, have been totally tossed upside-down. I won't bore you all with the details, plus I think Beck laid out the basics pretty well last week. We'll just say that I'm scared right now. It would not be an exaggeration to say that a miracle is the only thing that can save us at this point.

So, over this time, I've felt an overwhelming sense of confusion. I literally feel like there are no answers, and if there are answers, I have no idea how to find them. I don't know what to do next. I don't know what to look into. I don't know where to turn. It's hard to explain, and I know I sound somewhat melodramatic, but I just feel like everything is cloudy and foggy, and I can't see what's in front of me - or around me, for that matter.

I don't know what to do, and this is sapping every bit of energy I have right out of me.

No energy to be strong for my family.
No energy to be patient with my kids.
No energy to do what I feel is required of me as a husband and father.

And no energy to take care of myself.

I haven't weighed myself in over a week, so I have no idea how bad it's gotten. I do know that my belt is tight. Some clothes that fit a month ago don't quite fit now. I look and feel week. And I have allowed myself NO control over what I eat. If it's edible, I've scarfed it.

I don't recall the last time I felt this out of control. I'm guessing around the time my mom died. After she passed, I gained over 40 pounds in about 9 months. I can't let that happen again.

So this morning, I got up 15 minutes early, and I went to my basement. There, I made use of what was available to me, and I ripped through 2 quick and restless circuits of band work (underhand rows, butterflies, and the one where you lift the weight to your chin), push ups, crunches, and knee raises. It was only 15 minutes, but I got myself sweaty, I didn't stop, and I wasn't in bed feeling sorry for myself.

As of right now, I cannot control my situation. I'm trying to find work. I'm trying to pay rent. I'm trying to protect my kids from knowing how bad it really is. But I CAN control what I eat, and I CAN control what I do. I might not like it, but I can make the decisions that I KNOW I need to make.

It's not going to be easy, but it has to be done. I have to take control of my life back.

How I Feel Some Days...

Michigan FATters

If I were to start a Saturday get-together thing where we'd play some (competitive) football or basketball, grill some chicken and veggies, and hang out, who would come? We'd meet somewhere central - a park, somebody's house with a big yard, whatever works.

I'm talking every Saturday, from roughly 2-5, or something like that.

Fingers Crossed

Alright, the finishing touches are happening as I type this, but Shift is back.

Check out the new site HERE.

This is not going to be easy. In fact, unless I find an investor to come in and write me a check to make it happen, it might be close to impossible. A LOT of things would have to fall into place, but I think there's room for Shift in today's market.

We shall see.

Help me out?

Have 5 minutes to spare?

My Scale is Being a Butt Head This Morning

He said some very mean things to me, the worst of which?

"You weigh 288.0 pounds. Ha!"

I don't get that one bit. Up 1.6 pounds out of nowhere. We had turkey dogs. Maybe there was a lot of sodium. I had a small bowl of cereal for desert. Maybe I...I dunno. I was way under on calories.

A weaker man would get ticked off and eat himself out of it. But I keep focusing on tomorrow, when I hope this will drop back off nicely, and on Nov. 20, when I hope to hit 240.

Can't let one day slow the entire machine that is the K-Dog.

Later.

Quick Update

286.4 this morning. I'm now down 5.8 pounds this week, with two days left. My goal is an even 8 pounds this week. We shall see.

More later, I hope.

Reviving an Old Friend

So, a lot going on with us from a work point-of-view. Long story short, it's looking like I'm out of the sports magazine business, at least for a while.

So, my options are pretty wide open right now.

As I tooled around the internet today, I found THIS.

Seeing that made me think of THIS.

So, I've decided I'd like to revive the idea I had several months ago, now - Shift Magazine. The market truly does need a more general health and fitness magazine, and having one that spends equal time and space focusing on the mental, physical, and life angles of transformations and maintaining healthy lifestyles is a nice bonus.

So, if any of you know of an investor, if you are a writer or photographer, if you can sell our ad space, if you want to represent us legally - pretty much everything is open. The more help we have, the better.

Shift, should it ever launch, will be the flagship publication of 3-One Publishing.

Printing a magazine isn't cheap, but Beck and I know how to do it. I've spent the last several years starting and running magazines, and Beck has been my designer every step of the way.

Drop me an email if you want to get involved in any way.

Shift.
Your mind.
Your body.
Your life.

We're baaaaaaack.

Went the Way...

of the cheat meal last night. It was scheduled, for the most part, and it leaves us with two more between now and July 18.

It seemed wrong to me to cheat so soon in the process, but I'm trying to focus on 7-18, not this morning. As it was, I was up 1.2 pounds, which will likely easily drop off today.

I've been drinking a lot of water, eating about 95% clean, and, at the very least, trying to do something active in my open time. With my job situation changing for the next four weeks, there's going to be a lot of adjustment, but I'll figure it out.

So, I aim for 7-18. By then, I hope to set or match a new low - 272.2. If I do that, I'll consider this month a HUGE success. Keep in mind, I was exactly 20 pounds over that on Saturday morning.

It's not going to be easy, I know that. And it's hard to explain, but I just kind of feel like I'm going to hit it. Not sure why, but I just sense that I'll make this goal.

I guess we'll see, huh?

Have a good one, all.

Don't Think I'm For Real?

I just went to the vending machines. Pop tarts, cookies, chips, candy bars...
I got a bag of peanuts.

An Unofficial New FAT Member

Check out THIS SITE. It belong to a very old friend of mine who I recently came back in contact with. Ends up he's fighting a similar battle to the rest of us, and he's off to a great start.

Good luck, Aron!

Still Doing Well

Down a total of 4.6 pounds in the last three days, so I'll take it. Not much time to blog, but wanted people to know I'm STILL doing alright.

Hoping to be out of the 280's for good by this time next week.

Quickie...

Morning weigh-in is pending, as I have yet to use the big boy potty, but my pre-bathroom weigh-in was down 2.4 from yesterday (which was AWFUL), so if I can drop a little more weight (eww), I should look pretty good.

Anyway, I'm going to go back to my old-school push up routine today to see how that works. And I'll do some high-rep upright rows with the resistance bands tonight. And, as is my new thing, I'm going to stay as active as I can otherwise through the day.

I also have a new visualization this morning. No offense to Big Will, but this dude seems more like where I'll end up in my mind. His name is Alistair Overeem, and he's an MMA fighter. He's 6-4, 225. I'll plan on being 6-8, 240. We'll see if there's any similarities.

Alright, I'll post my updated weight later. Have a great Sunday.

Also...

Great tool for the guys...

Most realistic ideal body weight calculator I've found. Most say I should end up around 205, which is INSANE. This on gives me roughly 235 to 259. Worth checking out.

So Far Today...

It's a kick-start day. No calories until dinner, then something healthy. In the mean time, just got back from a 3 mile-plus walk with the family, been out shoveling and raking for a while, and have worked up a nice sweat.

Today I aim for a massive calories deficit, then I go back to normal tomorrow.

A large portion of the family stress has eased for now, which is allowing me to focus on normal life a little more than I have. I've bought myself about 4 weeks of peace. We'll see if I can stretch it out and do some damage at the same time.

Have a good rest of the weekend...

Because Not Much Has Changed...

This should sound familiar, as I originally blogged it last week. But things on the stress front are finally starting to turn around. For the next little while, at least, my family will be taken care of, which is all that matters.

It's been a bad, bad 10 days. Ten of the worst I've experienced since my mom died. But we're slowly digging out.

So, I proclaim the following, yet again:

I've had enough.

The stress has been KILLING us lately. So many things are a mess right now, I wouldn't know where to begin in explaining it all. I do know that my family is in turmoil, and we're doing all we can to keep our heads above water. It's a bad situation.

Unfortunately, it's nothing we haven't been through several times in our six years of marriage. And while it sucks beyond description, we always seem to make it through.

But we've been letting this control us, and we can't do that. The one thing we can control right now is our health. In all honesty, it seems like everything else in our lives is dependent on someone or something else. But we decide what we eat. We decide how much we eat.

And we've been making awful decisions.

I weighed myself for the first time in a week today. What I saw made me sick to my stomach. Did I jump back over 290? Not quite. But it was about as close I could come, and as close as I ever want to be again.

289.0.

If you're anything like me, you just threw up in your mouth a little.

So now I'm backed against a wall. There are only two options: Get pushed right through that wall, or push back. Getting pushed through that wall will result in a 290, maybe a 300. That's a place I can never go back to.

So, today I push. I'm not going to make any bold declarations. I'm not going to promise to be X pounds by X date. I'm just going to do better. I am going to stop with the late junk runs. I'm going to stop with the "extra" turkey burger. I'm going to stop with the excuses.

I've been in the 280's since late January. Think about that for a second. For the last five months, I haven't lost a single pound. In fact, in December, I was holding in the mid-270's. So, I've actually put anywhere from 8-14 pounds back on, depending on the day.

I lost 94 pounds at my lowest. Hooray for me, right? Yeah, it's a nice accomplishment, and it means exactly nothing right now. I quit on myself, and now I'm headed back in the wrong direction. 94 is nice, but 126 was my goal. Today, I sit back at 77 pounds lost. That means I still have 49 to go.

So here I go...

...again.

Forward

Doing alright. Staying active, eating clean, down three pounds.

I'll take it.

Coming Soon...

http://kevinantcliff.com/

Lots 'O Thoughts

- Resistance is NOT Futile
Did a quick 20-minute resistance band workout last night to see if they were worth the time. I had to use two bands to make it "tougher," and I only did standing "barbell" rows, flies, and curl/row combos with some crunches and knee lifts mixed in, but I gotta tell ya, it wasn't bad. Not my toughest workout ever, but I do feel it in my shoulders today, and I worked up a sweat.

- Considering October
Last year, I set a personal goal for 10-10, which would have been my mom's 60th birthday. I fell short, and didn't like it. Now I find myself in a tough spot. I'd love to aim to hit 240 by 10-10 of this year, but that's gonna be tough to pull off. I'd have to lose 2.7 pounds per week between now and 10-10 in order to hit 240. I'd like to just say "screw it" and go make it happen, but if I miss this goal, I don't know how I'd handle it.

- Clean
We ate at a Chinese buffet yesterday. I aced the test. I'll be honest, I wanted to go in there, face so many of my weaknesses there on the hot serving trays, and eat nothing but good food. I wanted to prove I could do it, and I did. Chicken and broccoli, grilled pork, watermelon. I'm kind of proud of that one. Tonight? Turkey burgers.

Everybody have a great rest of the weekend!

Resuming and After

If I'm going to start over, might as well take Day One pics, huh? Also, please read the post below this one...

It Stops Here

I've had enough.

The stress has been KILLING us lately. So many things are a mess right now, I wouldn't know where to begin in explaining it all. I do know that my family is in turmoil, and we're doing all we can to keep our heads above water. It's a bad situation.

Unfortunately, it's nothing we haven't been through several times in our six years of marriage. And while it sucks beyond description, we always seem to make it through.

But we've been letting this control us, and we can't do that. The one thing we can control right now is our health. In all honesty, it seems like everything else in our lives is dependent on someone or something else. But we decide what we eat. We decide how much we eat.

And we've been making awful decisions.

I weighed myself for the first time in a week today. What I saw made me sick to my stomach. Did I jump back over 290? Not quite. But it was about as close I could come, and as close as I ever want to be again.

289.0.

If you're anything like me, you just threw up in your mouth a little.

So now I'm backed against a wall. There are only two options: Get pushed right through that wall, or push back. Getting pushed through that wall will result in a 290, maybe a 300. That's a place I can never go back to.

So, today I push. I'm not going to make any bold declarations. I'm not going to promise to be X pounds by X date. I'm just going to do better. I am going to stop with the late junk runs. I'm going to stop with the "extra" turkey burger. I'm going to stop with the excuses.

I've been in the 280's since late January. Think about that for a second. For the last five months, I haven't lost a single pound. In fact, in December, I was holding in the mid-270's. So, I've actually put anywhere from 8-14 pounds back on, depending on the day.

I lost 94 pounds at my lowest. Hooray for me, right? Yeah, it's a nice accomplishment, and it means exactly nothing right now. I quit on myself, and now I'm headed back in the wrong direction. 94 is nice, but 126 was my goal. Today, I sit back at 77 pounds lost. That means I still have 49 to go.

So here I go...

Yeah...Still Here...

Quickly:

STILL in the freaking low-to-mid 280's, and every time I get close to finally getting out, I screw myself over. This food thing is killing me, man. I have GOT to get it under control.

I ate myself into a stomach ache last night, and I wasn't even hungry. I just ate to eat.

Stupid.

I know I can do it. I've done it before. I know what needs to be done, and I do it for about three days, then I drive the weight loss truck right of the cliff.

In my search for small wins, I can point to the fact that I'm at least aware enough of what's going on to avoid putting any MORE weight on. I've been sitting here for two months. Again, a small victory, but not a real WIN.

I need to see the 270's this week. Absolutely HAVE to.

Quickly...

I'm starting to right the ship. I'm down four pounds in three days, now sitting at 283.6 after another bad stretch.

Here's what Becky's doing:



After just four days, she totally crossed me over yesterday.

I'm working out with her tonight, and we both worked ourselves pretty hard playing yesterday. I'm hoping this is the boost I'm needing.

Familiar Territory

Nothing to be proud of, but the last two weeks have reminded me very much of the life I described in THIS POST - my first here on this blog.

But I can feel the momentum shifting, and I think that I'm close to really zeroing back in.

Some things to note:

Becky is starting a super-cool and confidential training regimen at the Troy Rec Center on Monday. She's going to get her ass worked off. It's part of a 90-day "diary" that we'll be running in MiSports Magazine.

We bought some resistance bands tonight. Nothing that will turn us into body builders, but we felt the need to try something new.

We need to do something. Not long ago, we'd spend our evenings walking, boxing, etc. Now we spend them snacking, watching movies - the things that got us in this mess in the first place.

Just hanging on right now...

"Ms. Abdul? You're on in five..."

One step forward, two steps back.

I'm a mess right now. No solutions. No answers. Nothing is going right on just about any level of life. A lot of confusion and cloudiness. I need to focus. Soon.

I'm Better Than This

Right?

Ugh.

The Mental Battle

My official weigh in will come shortly, but out of the gate this morning I was 285. Now, that's just about enough to drive me to a buffet. But this is where I need to be strong mentally. I KNEW this was coming, even though I was hoping it wouldn't. To jump up 1.6 for 120 calories annoys me to no end...

But I have to put my head down and keep moving.

In The Books

Day 2 is done, and I give myself a B-.

I went over my calories by about 127. My max should be 2250, and I ended the day at 2377 after a handful of animal crackers. I don't think it's a huge issue, as I was almost 800 under that number yesterday. The good ole' zig-zag.

Also wasn't active enough today. I'm pretty sore from my push ups yesterday, so I couldn't get myself motivated to do more today. Plus I had a whopping four hours of sleep last night, so the energy level was low. Kudos to Beck for gymming it up, anyway.

Lastly, I also didn't have ANY water today. Nothing but diet pop and milk, which probably isn't a good thing. I'll be sure to gulp a little extra agua tomorrow.

So, if you take an A+ and a B- minus and average it out, you're looking at an A (ish), so I'll take that after two days.

On another note, I hope everybody is doing alright. The blogs have been eerily quiet over the last two weeks. Here's to hoping everybody is chugging along and doing alright. If you read this, blog it up! We could always use some more "voices" out here.

Let's Go, Baby

I was all over this yesterday. If anything, my calories were probably a little low, as I ended the day at 1,472. Went back to my old-school push up routine. Not as strong as I used to be, but that's about to change.

Yesterday's weight? 286.6
Today? 283.4

I'm bracing for anything, as I've dropped 3 pounds before, only to put four back on for no reason. I have to barrel through anything this time around. It's not going to be a two pound-per-day loss every day, and some days I might even put weight on after doing everything right. I need to focus on the long-term, now.

It's our anniversary this weekend. We're dropping the kids with my dad tomorrow through Sunday, and we are going to make the most of it. We're going to see John Heffron, one of my writers at MiSports Magazine, on Saturday, and we're planning a day of hoops and movies on Friday. We decided last night that we're NOT using this weekend as an excuse eat poorly. In fact, it's going to be a show of our wills. I'll be upset at myself if I've put weight on when Monday morning comes. In fact, I'd kind of like to see a 279 on Monday.

Also, I've set a new (and lofty) goal. In addition to hitting my ideal weight of 240 by 10.31, I'd also like to be at 11.5% body fat. I have NO idea if that's even possible. Last I checked I was at roughly 21%, so I don't know if I can drop 10% in five months. Even if it's physically impossible, it's a good goal.

So, here's to Day Two. Let's keep moving...

A Message from my Body...

Here I sit, still comfortably in the mid 280's.

What I noticed today, from the deepest part of my being, is that I just don't care anymore. I don't. Buffets? Bring it. Candy? Sweet. Ice Cream? Cool. Workout? Nah.

I don't know what the deal is. The fire is 100% out. There's no gas in the tank. Insert any number of quitter cliche's here.

I have no drive.

So, it's up to me to FORCE myself to keep going. Dieting isn't easy. Transforming your life is not an overnight job. Do I want that Will Smith-type body on my banner? Yes. But I've been hoping it would just magically appear, and I could keep eating like crap and being lazy.

Well, I think it's safe to say that magic isn't something I should count on.

And so, for the 143rd time in the last 18 months, I'm starting over. It's Day One again. I'm talking literal Day One - pics, measurements - the whole deal.

I have to look at it like this from now on: I have not lost any weight. There was no 366. I weigh 285+ pounds, and I need to drop 45 or so pounds to get to where I want to be.

This is going to be a challenge in the truest sense of the word. I find myself at a crossroads.

"Two roads diverged in a wood, and I - I took the one less traveled by, and that has made all the difference."

Pulling Out All the Stops

Well, I lost ONE pound from playing basketball last night. Better than gaining.

It's time to shock my system into submission, I think. I'm gonna show it who the boss is. I NEED to get out of the 280's. My body has found a nice, little comfort zone somewhere in the 282 - 286 area, and I need to make my body feel very uncomfortable in that zone. It's not welcome here, anymore.

So, today is a fast. Starting with 10pm last night, I'm aiming for a 24-hour fast. I may allow myself some veggies, or an apple tonight at the 24-hour mark, just to get something in my body. But no lunch, no dinner , no snacks - just water and other beverages.

Don't worry, it'll just be a one-day thing, and it's not starving myself to lose weight. It's just giving my body a day to realize it needs to burn all this other crap out to make room for the good stuff.

Am I crazy? Why yes, yes I am.

But desperate times call for desperate measures.

And I think seeing a 279 on the scale would be a big boost for me right now, too. So now I just need to get there.

Ugh

Held steady. And I can't make it to basketball tonight.

Whee.

Is anybody alive? The blogs all seem awfully quiet recently.

Nice

Up 1.4 pounds.

Finding The Passion

No idea where it is. None.

But in the absence of passion, I have to substitute some good, old-fashioned drive. I'm holding steady at 283.4 this morning. Not a good number, but given my choices over the last few days, I'll take it.

I really feared that I'd see a number over 290 this morning. Last time I weighed in, I saw a 287.4, so I'm somehow four pounds down. Again, given the last several days, I'll take it. I don't require an explanation here.

As Beck mentioned on her blog, we have a pretty big shindig to attend on May 9th, and we're having an anniversary weekend thing on the 10th and 11th.

I won't make any specific weight loss goal for the 9th, but we'll say I'd like to be firmly in the 270's by the time we hit the party.

Something I've either forgotten, or never fully grasped, is that this is a battle. On paper, it's calories in vs. calories out, but it never seems to be quite that simple, does it? Life often gets in the way. Stresses, time issues, family problems - none of these things are conducive to steady weight loss. But we all have our issues. How we deal with them defines us on this transformation.

As for me, I wasn't able to play basketball yesterday. A combo of cooler weather and Beck being buried in deadlines kept us home. But I'll play again Tuesday night, and if my Wednesday weigh-in holds to the recent pattern, I'll be down 2-3 pounds after playing.

What does that mean? Well, if I stay perfect through Tuesday, I could actually see my sorry butt out of the 280's this week.

Weak

That's what I am right now. I find myself almost not caring about the weight loss in the midst of everything else I have going on. To be honest, getting to 240 is pretty insignificant in comparison to most of the issues I and my family are facing right now, both personal and professional.

But I also know that my personal health being unimportant to me is how I ended up at 360+.

I'm just not sure what to do. I'm taking the easy way out, and that's not going to get me anywhere. I have five GREAT days, and when I put weight on, I lose control, and I'm back to the beginning. It's one step forward, two steps back right now, and I'm not sure how to break the pattern.

I just can't deal with personal perfection being rewarded by weight gain. I'm not there mentally right now. I don't have the fuel in the tank to push me over that hill. Instead, I stall out, and coast back to the bottom.

I'll go back to playing basketball tonight, and I'll feel great when it's done. I always do. I'll probably have a much-improved weigh-in tomorrow morning, too. And that may carry me over until Friday. But what happens Friday will be up to me. Momentum will only carry me so far.

Right now, I'm breaking my own momentum, and it's going to be my undoing.

I'm concerned with my lack of focus and heart. I'm worried about my lack of determination. I don't like failing, but that's what I'm doing right now.

And I'm not happy about it.

I Got into a Fight with a Chinese Buffet...

And it beat the living hell out of me.

See Beck's blog for the other side of the coin.

Because I Needed to Hear It

A lot of things going wrong for me right now. Life hurts. Same crap, different hour, day, week, month, year. And being as weak as I sometimes am, instead of fighting through, I lie down.

This clip kept popping into my head this morning. Figured I'd post it for us all, just in case somebody else might benefit from it.

Now I need to fight through the weekend.

And This is Why Quitting is So Easy...

I have been PERFECT since Sunday morning. Working out, eating well (one day with high carbs, otherwise spotless), focusing, staying determined - the works.

I had one day of a loss - a good loss at that - and now I've gone back up the last two days. Yesterday didn't bother me so much, as the night before was my excess carb-a-thon. But today? Damn right it bothers me.

I'm up 1.4 freaking pounds from yesterday. Almost two pounds up over the last two days. I'm a pound away from where I unofficially started this last step, though I think I was actually around 288 on Sunday morning.

In fact, this is the third-straight time that I've re-booted, worked hard, focused, and PUT ON weight.

I am so sick and tired of doing well - very well - and ONLY seeing weight gain. It's like there's something wrong with my body. I'm doing the right things, and my body shuts down. I don't get it.

I'm not sore or retaining water.
I've been at 2280 or less for calories the past five days.
I've stayed active.

I've done everything I used to do when I was at Square One last year. Only this time, nothing is working.

It's kind of the story of my life right now. You work hard, put everything into a project, try to get ahead, and something inexplicably keeps knocking you back. One step forward, to steps back - and that isn't an exaggeration. In every area of my life right now I keep fighting to get ahead, and every time, I get shoved back - often landing soundly on my ass.

I'll give this another day or two. Maybe my body is still processing all the carbs from two nights ago, and the weight is still struggling. I don't know. But if I keep this up through the weekend, and I'm still going up, I don't think I'll be able to handle it.

This is getting old.

The Big 4-0...0

My 400th post will be one of the most boring ever.

My weight was back up a little today, but I'm OK with it. We had a big dinner last night, and I ended up going over my 2200 calories by about 200, and it was kind of high in carbs. I still ranked a B+ on Calorie-Count, so I'm not too worried about it. The plan is to stay under 2000 today to even it out.

No problem.

I'll get back to the dynamic push ups today. I was an entirely different kind of sore from doing 70 of those the other day. It was a "deeper" sore, for lack of a better term.

Good News/Bad News Time...

Good News: At post one, I was 360+ pounds, and today, I'm 282.6.
Bad News: I was also 282.6 in September of 2007.

It bugs me that I was as low as 272 last October. To think of all the ground I lost by losing focus and getting lazy. It just irritates me.

But dwelling on the past helps nothing. My job now is to remember the mistakes of the past without letting the effects of those mistakes get me off track. Right now I need to focus on my goals - long term and short term.

Back to work...

Morning Check-In

Weigh in was down THREE POUNDS from yesterday. THREE POUNDS.

So, my goal was to hit 279 by April 30, and I'm now 3.2 pounds away from it on the 16th. Not to get too overconfident, but I like my chances.

And that's six pounds in three days.

In other news, I'm pretty sore from both my push ups and my basketball, but that's no reason to take a day off. So, I'll likely do some more dynamic push ups today (though probably not 70), and I'll try to get the kids out for a walk and some running around this afternoon.

On a side note, if anybody uses Google for their main page, you can now use something called iGoogle. You can personalize your page with feeds, fitness widgets, etc. I'm using one called the Google 15, which keeps track of your moving 15-day weight average I also have fitness tips, motivational comments of the day, etc. It doesn't sound like much, but having everything there on one page is pretty useful.

Alright, carry on, all.

Bounus Post!

The good stuff is in the post below this one...

Better

Four games, played to 15, a good 75 minutes of full-court basketball.

Game one was kind of ugly - we all sucked just a bit.
Second game was better - made a few, missed a few.
Third game was great - blocked shots, tip-ins, jumpers. Shoot, Rob even looked like Chauncey out there, finger-rolling it in traffic. Amazing.
Fourth game was painful - just dead on my feet.

All-in-all, great night. I played with a cold, so I was a little weak to start, but I felt better the longer I played.

I just ate a Clif bar as a late night snack, putting my calories up to a grand total of 1,746. Supposedly I burned about 4,000 today, so we'll see how that translates come weigh-in time.

Also did about 70 counter/stair push ups. Not sure what they're called, but they were the ones where you pushed yourself up about a foot off of the service you were pushing from - dynamic push ups, maybe? Not sure. But they're supposed to add some explosive power to your chestial musculariffic area.

Good day. I didn't even have to use my AK.

Peace out.

Quickie

1. Weight dropped 2.2 pounds this morning.
2. Down 3 pounds since Sunday.
3. Cocoa Puffs is a low-cal snack that ranks an "A" on calorie-count.
4. Fighting off a cold.
5. Hoping to play basketball tonight.
6. Loving eating clean again.
7. Will power is strong right now.
8. Achoo.
9. Bless me.
10. More later, perhaps.

BONUS: Short-term goal - 275 by 5.9.08. That's 10 pounds in 24 days, starting today. Yes, I'm back up that high. Not for long, though. Is 10 in 24 too lofty?

Plugging Along

Not a ton of time, to write, but I just wanted to update everybody. I'm on Day 3 of my reboot, and so far I'm doing well. Calories are in check (I'm counting again!), which is the big thing right now. I just need to get the eating back under control. Passed up cookies several times in many different locations ove the last three days, and the eating has been 100% clean.

Weight dropped a modest .8 today, but a small loss is better than a small gain any day.

I'll drop to the push up position tonight, and I'll do some dumbbell work in the basement, and tomorrow is basketball night. Playing an hour of full court basketball burns an average of 775 calories. Not bad. We played two last week.

Alright, that's about it. Talk to you all soon.

Yep, back to Square One

Enough of this crap. No more fancy writing. No more lofty goals or crazy promises.

Sunday morning I go back to where I started in November of 2006. I count calories. I keep track of my water. I do something active everyday, no matter what. Whether it's dropping a few times for a quick set of push ups, going for a family walk, lifting weights, or playing basketball. I may not have the perfect schedule, but I can do SOMETHING every day.

I've gotten way off track, and I've lost a lot of ground. But, I've been here before. I know that the steps I listed above worked for me, and worked well.

My only goal is to see a 240 on my scale by the end of October of this year. That gives me about six months to lose roughly 45 or so pounds.

I have no doubts that I CAN do it, I just don;t know that I will. This is going to be a daily battle with myself, my cravings, and my lack of desire. My focus is way gone, and I've got to get it back.

Best place to go to figure that out is the beginning.

Square one.

And here I am.

By the way, the site isn't done. The banner will be all finished by morning, and all will be snazzy.

Chutes and Ladders

I just realized that I'm playing a game of Chutes and Ladders with my weight loss.

Today my weight dropped 3.2 pounds from yesterday after a second 100% clean day, and a great cardio workout playing basketball with Rob last night.

Ed's Note: I played much better last night, though I still air-balled several shots, and my body refuses to jump when my brain tells it to. It'll come back with time.

Back to Chutes and Ladders...Today was a ladder day. I took a big step forward by eating clean, being active, drinking water, etc. I was rewarded with a nice number on the scale. But in C&L, one wrong roll of the dice, and you slide down a chute that can set you back 3-4 moves. Lately, I've been chuting it up with the best of them.

The obvious difference is that C&L is a game of chance, and this weight loss thing is based on our choices. My bad decisions have been pushing me down the chutes, not bad luck.

You see where I'm going with this. It's the "one step forward; two steps back" scenario. I just have to get my mind right here. I need to be sure that every week I've taken more steps forward than I have back.

Sounds simple enough.

Dear Rob,

Please promise me something. If I come to your church tonight, and I proceed to suck like an industrial strength Hoover, please don't post how ugly I was on your blog page. There is a very good chance I'm going to embarrass myself tonight, and I'd like to know that the following things are NOT taking place:

- Secret video taping or live streaming of my performance
- Recording the audio of me swearing and crying because I blow so badly
- Any photos being taken
- Inviting people to the gym specifically to watch me make a fool of myself

As long as I can blow in private, I'm OK with it.

------------------

In all seriousness, I'm looking forward to tonight. I've been sore since Saturday, and I'm still feeling it in my ankles and shins/calves. But that's a good thing, I suppose.

As for other things, yesterday was a 100% clean eating day. My first in a long time. There is a plate of homemade Snicker Doodles sitting in the kitchen, and I went the entire day without so much as looking at one. The two times the thought entered my mind to go grab one, I grabbed an apple, instead. It's 10:40 AM, and I've had two pieces of PB toast on whole wheat. No cookies. For lunch, I'll be eating the inside of a chicken pot pie - carrots, green beans, red potatoes, and chicken all mixed up in a bowl with a little bit of chicken-broth based "gravy." No cookies. In fact, It's my goal to not have a cookie until Friday night after dinner. And then it'll be just one - maybe two, depending on my intake the rest of the day.

Beck and I talked about this yesterday, and we've noticed that starting this whole life transformation process was MUCH easier than continuing it. The willpower is absent. The focus is faint, at best. We started with a fire, and now we're trying to find our kindling.

My goal right now is to focus on today, not me at 240. It's cliche' to say it, but this really is a day-by-day thing. If you look too far down the road, you're more likely to trip over your own feet.
Yesterday was perfect, and today has been spotless thus far, as well. But it's not even noon, and I can't let my foot off the accelerator for a second. You cruise, you lose.

It's my hope that stringing together a few perfect days will be enough to light the fire again.

Editor's Note: I swear I've written this exact blog, or some variation of it, at least a dozen other times in the last 18 months. That probably isn't good.

Turning it Up a Notch

So, I found myself feeling pretty depressed about my basketball performance yesterday. The odd thing was that my brain knew what to do, but my body was a step behind.

Don't fall for ball fakes.
Don't let your legs cross when shuffling side-to-side.
Time your jump right, block the shot.

And my mind was telling my body to do just that - and my body obeyed...but slowly. And the few times my body was quick to respond, it didn't respond well enough. More than once I knew - KNEW - I timed a jump perfectly to block a shot. And I honestly noticed a strong feeling of disbelief when the shot sailed easily past my out-stretched arm.

I felt old, slow, and out of shape. These are not good things to feel when you're trying to get yourself back into playing shape. I kept telling myself that it would be much worse if I were still in the 360's, but that was more to convince me than it was "proof" that I had greatly improved my health.

Long story short (too late!) I'll be changing my workout to a basketball conditioning routine. For one hour each day I work out, I'll be focusing on the great game of basketball. First 30 minutes will be dedicated to getting my shot back - jumpers, low-post moves, etc. The second 30 minutes will consist of 30 minute's worth of the following drills:

Drills sure to kick my ass

Specifically, I'll concentrate on any drill that emphasizes sprints or quick movements. One that I NEED to do that isn't listed on that page is the backboard tap. I'll stand under the backboard, and quickly hop 30 times to tap the bottom of the backboard. Seems pretty simple, but 3-4 rounds of that and your legs start burning. But it's great to increase your jumping height and speed.

In between each round of cardio drills, I'll drop for 10 push ups. I'll also continue to work weights at the gym another 2-3 days per week.

My hope with all of this? By linking my workouts to a game I absolutely love, I'll see it as more fun than work. I'm all for work, but I've proven recently that my motivation isn't there, and I need to find a way to get it back.

Guess we'll see how it works, huh?

Game on.

I played basketball yesterday...

And I have a lot in common with this:
It's been four+ years since I've played, and it showed yesterday. Ugly. Very ugly. Rob and his buddies have NOTHING to worry about. Yes, I'm 6-8, but that does not translate directly into basketball talent.

Prepare to be amazed at my lack of hoops ability.

Can't Explain It...

But I feel focused and driven today. More so than usual. Gonna meet up with some friends at ITC Sports Park in Novi (Coalition is very invited - meeting at 3) to play some basketball, toss a football around, etc, so I know that is helping. Playing again on Tuesday night. Also helping.

Now I just need to combine the focus and determination with drive, and push this through from the "I think I can" stage to the the "I'm doing it" stage.

I looked at some images on my MySpace page (yes, MySpace), and I noticed something. In my pic of me at my lowest (272), I look as good or better as the picture of myself I've been kind of using as my fuel. I think I was about 255 at the time.

It's tough to see the details, but here's the side-by-side:


So, in theory, if I can get into the 250's, stay active, work out, lose fat, I'd look worlds better at 255 this time than I did seven years ago. And in the 240's, I might be right where I should.

The goal is attainable. I just have to make the decision that I'm going to get there.

A Basketball State of Mind

While I'll look more like this:

Than This:
...I am getting myself stoked to play basketball next week. I haven't played in about four years, but back in the day, I was alright for a lanky white boy. Alright post-up game, decent mid-range jumper, and the occasional triple.

But I excelled in shot-blocking. The last time I kept track was in a league I played in right after marriage - when the weight first started coming on. I usually swatted around four per game - though I was easily 6" taller than almost any other player in the league.

For the record, I'm breaking out the Fab Five era black socks.

I'm for real, yo.

Me and Candy

Click to enlarge. and don't miss the post below this one.

A Good Day

Went to the gym, and killed myself.

Dumbbell Chest Presses, 3x8 with solid weight (higher than I planned)
Seated Cable Rows, 3x8 with good weight
Double-arm Curls, 3x10 with nice weight (but not great)
Machine Flys, 3x10 with decent weight (also not great)
Knee Raises, 3x10
Elliptical, 7 minutes

The Elliptical doesn't sound like much, but my longest ever on that machine is like 4 minutes before today, so I was kind of surprised I went 7.

I'll also do some crunches tonight - 3x20.

Here's my problem:

I keep seeing myself as the 365-pound dude that started this whole thing off. If I still had 120 pounds to lose, I don't think I'd have the energy or focus to do it. But I'm 35-40 pounds from my lowest and healthiest weight ever. I don't need to start a 12 to 15-month journey right now. I need to buckle down and stick to this program for eight weeks or so. I need to hit the gym 4-5 days a week, and hit the heavy bag or play basketball the other days, saving a day or two for rest each week. And I need to eat right. That might be my biggest issue right now.

In theory, at the end of those eight weeks, I'd be in a good spot.

Maybe not Will Smith-Good, but good.

Dude...

All I've had is an apple and two small pieces of left-over pizza. I want more.

Ugh.

Today was my first trip to the gym in over six years. Last time I was there I was 250 pounds, benching in the 220's for reps, and seeing signs of definition.

Times have changed.

It's been so long that I knew how to do very little outside of push-ups. There was a group of about 12 kids - probably high school football players - who didn't move from the dumbbells and benches once during my trip there. There wasn't a single fat dude in the place. Well, besides me. Every guy there was fit, and seemingly strong.

As it ends up, I found a few machines to use, and I benched, rowed, and pressed various parts of my upper body, and I'm feeling pretty sore right now.

But I admit that I was way intimidated.

That's not an easy thing for me to admit, either. I'm 6-8, I have a shaved head, I run a magazine, I've interviewed professional athletes...and I've never felt as intimidated as I did today. It wasn't a good feeling.

I felt stared at. I felt fat. I felt embarrassed. I felt like the odd guy.

According to my Men's Health personal trainer thing (very cool - worth the 30-day trial), I'm supposed to play at least 30 minutes of basketball tomorrow. No chance of that, as I have no access to an indoor gym, and it's supposed to be snowy and rainy tomorrow. So, I'll have to figure something else out.

And then I have to go back to the gym. It's going to be hard to get back there.

I hope I can do it.

From A to B

Here's where I am now:


Here's where I want to be:


I start my first gym membership at Fitness 19 tomorrow, and I joined Men's Health Personal Trainer (30 day free trial) to steal some workout ideas and fitness tips. It's pretty gimmicky, but I need to pull out all the stops this time around.

I'll admit, I jumped back up over 280 after five PERFECT days, and I just couldn't deal with it, so I let myself go. Not proud of it, but it is what it is. So, I'm considering not weighing myself for 14 days. Not today, not tomorrow...not until March 30. If I work my ass off, then jump back into the 280s again, I don't think it would end well.

So, here's to another restart. I don't like the Square One thing, but I guess it's better than just quitting.

Small victories.

Fat Rocky

It was going to be Rocky VII, but they lost interest.

Making Strides

Day Three
Today's Weigh In: 277.2
Goal Weight: 260.6
Days to Goal: 52
Pounds per Day Needed: .36

Today's loss: 1.0
Total Pounds Lost: 3.4
Total Average Loss: 1.13ppd

Slow but sure, people. That's the way to do this, I think. I'd have nothing against dropping eight pounds tomorrow morning, but we all know that it just doesn't happen - unless you're on The Biggest Loser.

For the record, if I keep this pace up, I'll weigh 215 pounds on April 18. So, I'm kind of hoping the pace slows a bit once I hit the 240's. Maybe I'll toss in some twinkies soon, just to make sure I don't lose too much too fast.

Of course, I'm joking. Mostly.

I'm in a pretty good mood about all of this, and I'm feeling that momentum creeping back. That said, there's a pretty big obstacle right in my path.

On Sunday, a couple of my old friends from college are coming over for a day of Xbox, movies, drinks and ... pizza. It's been long established that they'd come over for pizza and drinks, so switching it up on them now and serving brown rice under a roasted chicken breast might be annoying.

My plan? Eat some pizza. Pizza, in and of itself, is not the issue. My inability to control how much of it I put in my body has been the issue. I'm not going to live life as a prisoner to "health" food, but I'm no longer a slave to the crappy stuff, either. So, a smaller breakfast, an apple for lunch, and a couple pieces of pizza for dinner. I bet I can still keep my calories where they need to be, not go hungry, and not overdo it.

In other news, we picked up a $5 food dehydrator a couple of days ago, so I'm anxious to try some things I wouldn't normally eat. I HATE raw bananas and pineapple, but I'll eat it dried. We can also make our own turkey jerky, among other things.

So, there's that.

Alright, everybody have a good weekend, and let's make sure our weigh-ins on Monday are lower than they were today! No looking back.

The Danger Zone

When is it for you? For me, it's right around 9pm.

It hits me out of nowhere. I'll be on the couch with my laptop, innocently getting some work done, and then it attacks - cravings. Nasty, heartless, violent cravings.

In recent weeks and months I'd give in to said cravings with cookies, ice cream, candy, pizza - it's been bad. Even when it's not "bad", it's not "good", as I'll often binge on PB sandwiches, wheat chex, or even Kashi bars. Not BAD food, but too much of the good food. That can be almost as bad.

I think the Danger Zone is going to be my biggest challenge on my quest to drop 20 by 4-18.

I'm alright during the day. I can keep control when I have kids to watch, or deadlines to meet. But when the house gets quiet, and I can go off into my own little world. it gets tough to focus.

So, Danger Zone? I'm aware of you. You have no power over me! I am free from your bondage! Plus I got all the crap out of the house.

Anyway, today's numbers are nice. Not great, but nice. I'm ahead of my .36 average needed to lose the 20, though I'm sure that will level off one of these days.

Day Two
Today's Weigh In: 278.2
Goal Weight: 260.6
Days to Goal: 53
Pounds per Day Needed: .36

Today's loss: 1.6
Total Pounds Lost: 2.4
Total Average Loss: 1.2ppd

Now, tell the truth: Is Kenny Loggin's "Danger Zone" in your head right now?

Minor Victories

So, didn't hit the bag last night, but I'll be doing it here shortly. The truth is, Beck and I have had a nasty few days at work, and by the time the kids went to bed last night, we were in relax mode - for the first time in two weeks.

So, we tossed in Rescue Dawn (decent flick), put our feet up, and then went to bed. So, the workout portion of the program is off a day, but fear not - I'm all over this. We got another 5" of snow last night, so I'll shovel today, too.

My eating was good yesterday, but I ate too late. I had a handful of nuts and a small bag of jerky after 10 last night, so the weigh-in isn't as nice as I'd like it to be.

But this whole things isn't about losing 12 pounds in a day, though that would be nice. It's about doing all of the little things that add up to the big loss we want.

It's like playing with Lego blocks. Most of those blocks are pretty small. There are a few larger blocks mixed in, but the majority are pretty small. But when you start connecting them - adding one on top of the other - over time, the creation grows.

So, here's to playing with Lego's. One at a time, let them build, and let's get our masterpiece.

Today's Weigh In: 279.8
Goal Weight: 260.6
Days to Goal: 54
Pounds per Day Needed: .36

Today's loss: .80
Total Pounds Lost: .80
Total Average Loss: .80

Away We Go...

Today's Weigh In: 280.6
Goal Weight: 260.6
Days to Goal: 55
Pounds per Day Needed: .36

Today's loss: N/A
Total Average Loss: N/A

Tonight: Heavy Bag (3-minute rounds)
Tomorrow: Dumbbell Work
Thursday: Off
Friday: Heavy Bag (3-minute rounds)
Saturday: Dumbbell Work

The Goal

The post below this one is the meat, but consider this the potatoes.

The launch party for MiSports Magazine is April 18th at Eden in Ferndale. There are going to be hip, sexy people there. I know, because I looked at the photos from past parties.

If I look then like I look now, I'll be embarrassed. So, here's my somewhat crazy, yet attainable goal:

Lose 20 pounds in 56 days.

I didn't weigh in this morning - trying to avoid the painful truth - but I want to drop 20 pounds from whatever I weigh tomorrow morning by April 18th.

After losing zero pounds in three months, this could be tough.

Call to Arms

Listen, people. I pride myself on being a leader in my everyday roles. I love to set the tone, and lead by example. I want people to look to me for guidance. I want to do the right thing, and inspire others to do it, as well.

And here I am sucking like a Hoover in my weight loss journey.

I'm done with that.

Respect and leadership roles are things that are earned, and now it's time for me to earn them both from my fellow members of the Coalition.

Winners want the ball in their hands when the game is on the line. They want - NEED - the pressure of others relying on them, and looking to them for an example. Well, I weigh the same now that I weighed in December, when I was still doing well. In truth, I weigh more. For me, the game is on the line.

I can list a good 8-12 excuses - all valid - for my recent failures. Sickness, moving, finances...but none of them matter today. All that matters is that I'm sick of being the weak Kevin who eats candy and buffets for no real reason. I miss the active Kevin. I miss the dude who'd do push ups because he wanted to do all he could. I miss the guy who was fired up because he'd lost 90 pounds.

Now, I'm the guy who lays back, does nothing to move forward, and tells people that he lost 90 pounds, as though my goals are met, and I'm satisfied with who I am.

I'm not satisfied. In fact, I still kind of hate who I am - Looks, eating habits, workouts, even my personal life. I'm just not happy with "me." The only way to change that is to do what we all know needs to be done. I need to eat clean. I need to get active. I need to focus. I need to set goals and attack them.

So, let this post serve a call to anybody else who may be feeling like me today. We're struggling. We're tired. Maybe we're lazy. It's tough to stay motivated. It's cold outside. Work has us buried. Time is a luxury. We don't have enough time with our families.

We've all been there. Many of us are there now. But the only way to make those excuses go away is to negate them ourselves. We push forward. We make time. We find ways to get things done. We drop and do 10 push ups. We take the stairs. We eat an apple. We clean out the pantry. We count calories. We drink water.

And then we do it again.

And again.

And the next time we think we've gone as far as we can go? We go a little further.

It's time for me to go further. There's plenty of room on the bus. Hop on and come with me.

I'm Young, I'm pretty, I MUST be the Greatest...

Looking solid. Feeling good. Eye of the Tiger.

I've been eating lighting and crapping thunder.

Floating like moth, and stinging like a flu shot.

Sucking wind.

Still Moving...

Busy with work, but I'm down three pounds in two days, and I'm in my 3rd day of perfect eating. I feel great.

I'll be doing a heavy bag/push up/sit up routine tonight, so I hope to kick my own ass.

Whee!

48 Hours

The last 48 hours have been perfect. Eating has been perfect, water intake has been up, and I feel more focused and driven. Still need to do a better job of scheduling my day now that I'm back to work. I hit the wall hard last night and didn't have the gas for a full workout.

Even so, I did hit the bag with Becky enough to get my heart rate up a little bit. Still, I know that won't get it done.

Not much time, but I wanted to let everybody know that I was back, and moving in the right direction.

Let's make it stick this time. Losing 90 pounds is nice, but it's not nice enough.

Tell All Your Friends...

MiSports Magazine

Reset

I hit the button today. Had to.

Starting today, I'm back at full strength.

Beck and I were talking last night, and we discussed how it'd be almost impossible to lose weight in our current situation. Maybe, but I know of a guy who weighed about 360 pounds, and had no gym, no friends, no hoops or football leagues - nothing. So he did push ups and ate better. He went on weather-appropriate walks. He did the best he could with what he had. And he lost 90 pounds.

It can be done, you just have to make it happen.

I need to make it happen again.

So, we're back at it. Hitting the heavy bag, minor plyometrics in the basement, dumbbell workouts, clean eating - results will have no choice but to follow.

To anybody in Michigan - I say we start a flag football team for the spring. We start practicing now, and we find some other people to play with as it gets warmer. If you're up for it, and have friends who may want to join, let me know.

So, here's yet another "Day One."